Grits and Shins Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 My father is not a well liked man in the family. He began the rebellion against his mother as a teenager and never got along with his mother or sister. He disowned his only daughter and shipped her out to live with his parents (in California) when she was but a freshmen in high school. Divorced from my mother after I left for college, now on his third wife. Several years ago he had a drunken run in with my wife and he's largely been removed from our life since then. Having said all that ... he has always loved his father (as well as his number one son, me). His sister cared for his parents for many years until it was just too much and several years ago my grandparents were put into assisted living. My aunt has not been very forthcoming with information to my father (her brother) about the health and welfare of their parents (because of their very strained relationship). After the incident with my wife it had been several years since I had talked with my father. My daughter called him several months ago to talk to him about a school project and since then he has dropped by the house. As he was leaving he asked me if I had heard anything from his parents, I hadn't. My mother is over this weekend for my son's birthday and hands me her phone. It is my sister. She tells me that my grandfather died in FEBRUARY (92)! She told my mother last week and didn't want my mother to tell me, she wanted to tell me. She says our aunt didn't tell her until just last week and that there was no funeral. I think that there was a funeral and that they didn't want my father there. It is just WRONG that they did not notify the family that he had passed. I don't care how strained the relationships are we had a right to know and we had a right to pay our respects at the funeral I am sure they had. Now I have to be the one to call my father and tell him that his father died TWO MONTHS ago and he won't have the opportunity to pay his respects to the man that has meant the most to him. He is going to absolutely blow up. Sorry for the rant, especially since I have made it a point not to relate personal stories here anymore ... but it just ain't right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 wow--this whole situation is sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckB Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 wow--this whole situation is sad Truer words were never spoken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorcher Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 It doesn't sound like it's going to be pleasant. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would tell him as soon as possible so at least you can honestly tell him that you let him know as soon as you found out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sox Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 That's placing their own feelings ahead of family. There's nothing I can say,except I agree with you.It sounds like it was intentional,a screw you of sorts aimed right at your father,knowing how much it would hurt him. In my opinion it was mean,petty,and selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolverines Fan Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 (edited) It is just WRONG that they did not notify the family that he had passed. I don't care how strained the relationships are we had a right to know and we had a right to pay our respects at the funeral I am sure they had. Definitely a sad situation, and defintely a very, very cruel and petty thing to do. I've never heard of something like this happening. Scorcher is right. You should tell him as soon as possible. Tell us how it goes. Good luck. Edit: I have to put up with some dysfunctional stuff in my family too, so I understand how you feel. Edited April 1, 2007 by Wolverines Fan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 What an awful situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I have dysfunction in my family too, so I have an idea what you're going through, and it's not pretty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I do not mean to play devil's advocate but here is an alternative way of looking at this situation. This is from personal experience so take it for what it is worth. My stepmother is the most evil girl dog I have ever met. All she does is demean everyone in the family and bully them into submission.When she doesn't get her way she freaks out and calls all of the men child molesters and wife beaters. She used to beat her two daughters mercilessly including once when she beat her daughter at the daughter's own wedding. Because of this noone really goes around her. I can tell you if my dad was with me and he died I would never tell her just because of all of the crazy problems that would come up from her being an abusive psycho. Perhaps the people in your family look at you father in the same light as we look at my stepmother? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Tough situation Blitz. I don't envy you one bit. Hopefully he will know that it isn't your fault and place the blame where it belongs. I wish you the best in this bad situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 (edited) Sorry to hear that Blitz. That is definitely a jacked up situation. Let me make sure I understand it fully. Your Grandfather passed away ~15 years ago but they want you to tell your Dad that he recently passed away? I would not lie to him about this if that is what they are asking you to do. Tell him the truth, he at least deserves that, no matter how big of a jack ass he has been to the entire family. That said, if your dad really loved your grandfather, why did he make no attempts to contact him over the past 15 years? Or did he? Did your Aunt hide their parents from him? Edited April 1, 2007 by spain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 That said, if your dad really loved your grandfather, why did he make no attempts to contact him over the past 15 years? Or did he? ding, ding, ding, we have a winner really jacked up story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Sorry to hear that Blitz. That is definitely a jacked up situation. Let me make sure I understand it fully. Your Grandfather passed away ~15 years ago but they want you to tell your Dad that he recently passed away? I would not lie to him about this if that is what they are asking you to do. Tell him the truth, he at least deserves that, no matter how big of a jack ass he has been to the entire family. That said, if your dad really loved your grandfather, why did he make no attempts to contact him over the past 15 years? Or did he? Did your Aunt hide their parents from him? He died in Feb of this year. The (92) was his age. Blitz says he diied two months ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 He died in Feb of this year. The (92) was his age. Blitz says he diied two months ago. Oh, my bad! I read it like he died in 1992. Its definitely a tough spot to put Bltiz in and should be a reason to give us all pause to think how we should make all attempts to correct any strained relationships in our own families. Life is short and goes by so very quickly. If you can reach out to your estranged family members, extend the olive branch if possible, even if you arent wrong, it could well worth the effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Oh, my bad! I read it like he died in 1992. Its definitely a tough spot to put Bltiz in and should be a reason to give us all pause to think how we should make all attempts to correct any strained relationships in our own families. Life is short and goes by so very quickly. If you can reach out to your estranged family members, extend the olive branch if possible, even if you arent wrong, it could well worth the effort. Sometimes when you stretch out the olive branch they use it to stab you in the eye. That has been my experience more often than not. To heck with them, we will all be dead soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 What a sucky situation!!! I wouldn't want to be you delivering that message as your Pops is gonna be pissed. Well I hope somehow things work out, only time will tell. GL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 (edited) Oh, my bad! I read it like he died in 1992. Dope!!! Oh wait a minute I did the same thing at first and then realized it couldn't be after reading this part... Now I have to be the one to call my father and tell him that his father died TWO MONTHS ago and he won't have the opportunity to pay his respects to the man that has meant the most to him. He is going to absolutely blow up. Edited April 1, 2007 by irish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grits and Shins Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 It doesn't sound like it's going to be pleasant. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I would tell him as soon as possible so at least you can honestly tell him that you let him know as soon as you found out. I'm going to call him today. He has a right to know and I'm not going to with hold information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 It sounds like, from the importance you put on your dad's right to pay his respects, that he is a man of faith. If so, perhaps you can comfort him in the idea that he will have an eternity with his father when he too passes on to the greater land. But I do agree with the bulk of the posters here about those left your grandfather left behind....they seem a petty and spiteful bunch, and if I were you, I'd keep my distance from all but those clsoest to you. Most importantly, protect that gem of daughter you call your own from all this nonsense, and don't let it become a part of the fabric of her life as she gets older and begins her own family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Unfotunately you only get one family, Do what you have to, and continue to take care of your nuclueus family. I already know you do. Sad but somtimes it come to situations like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxfactor Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I'm going to call him today. He has a right to know and I'm not going to with hold information. And afterall, it wasn't your fault so he shouldn't be pissed at you. I'm afraid this sitch is going to get worse before it ever gets better. I think it sucks that they leave it up to you to do their dirty work of telling your father. I hope things get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 And afterall, it wasn't your fault so he shouldn't be pissed at you. I'm afraid this sitch is going to get worse before it ever gets better. I think it sucks that they leave it up to you to do their dirty work of telling your father. I hope things get better. You know the whole don't shoot the messenger thing. I'm thinking they came up with that line after too many of them were shot for delivering bad news. The one receiving the bad news is usually too emotional to be rational, responding without thinking things through and ends up regretting the poor decisions they made. Grits should start out by expressing how upset he is by the news he's about to give his father. Basically letting his father know that they were both left out in the cold with this news and that they can lean on each other to work it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Good luck dealing with your Dad, Blitz. The situation stinks! One would think that all hatchets are buried upon the death of a mutual family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 He died in Feb of this year. The (92) was his age. Blitz says he diied two months ago. I thought it was 1992 until Blitz said he died two months ago. Very sad situation. Lots of hurt feelings. You guys need some healing time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grits and Shins Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 That phone call went better than I expected. I think my father is realizing (finally) that his actions have driven everybody from his life. I think he is getting lonely. My last 2 interactions with him I have believed him to be sober. He was very civil to me on the phone (after all it wasn't my fault) and very inquisitive, even asking after his mother. Now he may work up to a boil after it sets in .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchico Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Hopefully he continues along the path of the first part and the boiling over never happens. What's really sad is the fact that they felt the need to exclude you from knowing. Hang in there buddy, i hope this works out for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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