keggerz Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 There is a lovely older couple(Will & Alice) that would walk the mall we were in almost daily....what we noticed was that they always would sit on the bench in front of our store and look at our big bear(4' tall with a hard hat on) we had out front....my wife and I started to talk to them almost 3yrs ago and that was when Alice said that she wanted to name our bear Happy Harry Hard Hat....well we thought that was great and Will and Alice would always stop by to say hi to HHHH....there were times that Will would have to push Alice in a wheel chair as her health has been failing her...but then she would bounce back and be walking again....one of the hardest things for us when we decided to close our store in that mall(back on 9/3) was knowing that we would be taking HHHH with us and that Will and Alice wouldnt be able to visit with him on their walks(not daily but almost)....well Shortly after we had opened our downtown location both Will and Alice came to visit us in our new store and they brought us a lovely plant...at that point the other store was still open and they told us that HHHH was still doing fine...today Will stopped in to visit me but Alice was not with him...when I asked where she was he informed me that she had passed away(9/27)...it has been 2 weeks and he is still very broken up by the loss of his wife....in our conversation he said he had made a pencil sketch of Alice and that he had made a copy to send to his son in Ohio...i told him I would love to see the sketch and that he should bring it by...he said he had it in the car so i walked with him to his car....he showed it to me and it really was a wonderful sketch and I commented so....he said if i wanted it i could have it as he had an extra copy...i told him no thank you but I would like to make a copy of it on my copier so that he could keep his copies...we returned to my store and I made the copy....he was looking at the sketch and said he isnt done with it because he wants to do an oil painting and then he said I dont know I think I might need to move her mouth up a bit or turn it up on the side to get her smile right...he then started to cry ....I did tell him that while Alice is gone she will always be with him and if there was anything that we could do for him to just let us know....he was appreciative and said he had to get going...i told him again that i was sorry for his loss and that I hope he would still stop down to chat with me whenever he would like to as I would like that too... I just dont know if I said or did the right thing...I gave him a hug and pat on the back as he left but it didnt feel like enough....it was horrible to see the sadness in that poor mans eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sounds like you approched the situation just right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMD Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 All you can do is show compassion. It's one of those situations where there really isn't anything in particular that you can do. I would guess that two weeks after her death is a very hard time since all the commotion and events are over and now he just has to face day to day life without her. Inescapably tough to deal with. You did the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sounds like you approched the situation just right. +1 Just the interaction and having you to listen to him was probably more than he expected or hoped for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Great heartfelt story! What you said and did was spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I never "feel" like I did the right thing in these situations, but really, showing compassion is really all you can do. I think you handled it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egret Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 You did fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 (edited) Great heartfelt story! What you said and did was spot on. +1 He probably benefitted from just being able to talk to someone... ...and a $4.00 discount on his next bear... Edited October 15, 2007 by alexgaddis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sounds like you handled it well Keg, I wouldn't expect anything less from you either. Maybe if you see him again you could get his number & check in on him from time-to-time. Sometimes what people need most is a friend to talk to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 that's about the best you could hope to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 I think you did fine..Maybe as a gesture you can have something nice made from the sketch of his wife ..Maybe a nice frame or something like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 It's probably one of the most difficult things to gauge simply because everyone reacts differently to that kind of grief... and people can go through so many different stages of dealing with it, so you never really know where they are at. But, most people can tell if someone is being sincere and caring with them, even if you don't say or do the exact right thing. I'm certain that this gentleman could tell how much you sympathized with him, and I think it's pretty telling that you and your store genuinely meant something to them, since he came out and shared this with you so soon after losing his wife. In my experience, quite often (but certianly not always) a grieving soul appreciates an opportunity to share some of what they have cherished about the person they just lost. So, a very gentle invitation for a story about that person can often be helpful as long as you're not pushing. Sounds to me like you said/did exactly (if not more than) what this nice old man needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 +1 He probably benefitted from just being able to talk to someone... ...and a $4.00 discount on his next bear... $4 discount? How about a free bear that he can keep and remind him of his wife and the great times they spent checking out the Bear store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKF Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 After two weeks, the truth of the matter is, he is still quite numb. So many emotions for him to go through. Keep you ear and your heart open, he'll need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keggerz Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 (edited) $4 discount? How about a free bear that he can keep and remind him of his wife and the great times they spent checking out the Bear store. well to be honest I was sorta in shock when he told me Alice had passed away.....my wife called shortly after he left and we talked....we remembered that we have a bear(one of our 8" custom bears) that is almost an exact replica of HHHH and are going to give it to Will...we are also going to make a special bear that will resemble HHHH for Will too. when there is a need for us to give away bears to help console people we dont ever need any prodding but in this immediate instance it wasnt what was on my mind Edited October 15, 2007 by keggerz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebellab Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 well to be honest I was sorta in shock when he told me Alice had passed away.....my wife called shortly after he left and we talked....we remembered that we have a bear(one of our 8" custom bears) that is almost an exact replica of HHHH and are going to give it to Will...we are also going to make a special bear that will resemble HHHH for Will too. when there is a need for us to give away bears to help console people we dont ever need any prodding but in this immediate instance it wasnt what was on my mind Keg, You did just fine. A simple I am so sorry to hear that, how are you doing is all people generally want to hear. On another note the giving him a bear would be great. I have to share a quick story you might appreciate. A lady I held a funeral for two years ago collected bears and we had over 300 on display at the visitation and later at the funeral each person in attendance was asked to take a bear or two with them to remember her by. I grabbed about five from the hundred or so that were left and I keep them at the funeral home. You would be amazed how people young and old hold a bear or carry one around during their time her at the funeral home. It is amazing how people take such comfort in what can be a childhood memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Even if you felt you didn't SAY quite the right thing, what you DID in giving the old guy a hug showed that you cared. That says enough all by itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 It's probably one of the most difficult things to gauge simply because everyone reacts differently to that kind of grief... and people can go through so many different stages of dealing with it, so you never really know where they are at. But, most people can tell if someone is being sincere and caring with them, even if you don't say or do the exact right thing. I'm certain that this gentleman could tell how much you sympathized with him, and I think it's pretty telling that you and your store genuinely meant something to them, since he came out and shared this with you so soon after losing his wife. In my experience, quite often (but certianly not always) a grieving soul appreciates an opportunity to share some of what they have cherished about the person they just lost. So, a very gentle invitation for a story about that person can often be helpful as long as you're not pushing. Sounds to me like you said/did exactly (if not more than) what this nice old man needed. Spot on here, SB. And because they used to see you quite frequently, I bet he also felt a need to inform you the way he did. It took him 2 weeks to feel up to coming back to the mall. Keep lifting his spirits, Keg. Nicely done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Keg,You did just fine. A simple I am so sorry to hear that, how are you doing is all people generally want to hear. On another note the giving him a bear would be great. I have to share a quick story you might appreciate. A lady I held a funeral for two years ago collected bears and we had over 300 on display at the visitation and later at the funeral each person in attendance was asked to take a bear or two with them to remember her by. I grabbed about five from the hundred or so that were left and I keep them at the funeral home. You would be amazed how people young and old hold a bear or carry one around during their time her at the funeral home. It is amazing how people take such comfort in what can be a childhood memory. How cute is that?? Nice story Reb! Similarly....my Aunt (my mother's sister) was into basketweaving. These were some gorgeous baskets. And at the funeral, my mother brought them all in and made sure all the nieces and nephews all had one to remember her by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 well to be honest I was sorta in shock when he told me Alice had passed away.....my wife called shortly after he left and we talked....we remembered that we have a bear(one of our 8" custom bears) that is almost an exact replica of HHHH and are going to give it to Will...we are also going to make a special bear that will resemble HHHH for Will too. when there is a need for us to give away bears to help console people we dont ever need any prodding but in this immediate instance it wasnt what was on my mind Keg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 By the way, the $4.00 off thing was an attempt to inject a little humor in an otherwise somber situation... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 By the way, the $4.00 off thing was an attempt to inject a little humor in an otherwise somber situation... Should have gone with $3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 There are never words, he knows this. We all do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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