i_am_the_swammi Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I remember the days of Spin the bottle under the pool table at a buddies house with 3 guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pig devilz Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 no way. she's 12 years old! you don't know the parents. you don't know the boys. church going makes it worse, not better. trust me, 12 years of catholic school and Mass two or three times a week. i know. maybe if i told you a story or two from what we good catholic boys and girls were doing at 12 years old you would reconsider....and my Mom knew EVERYBODY and as she said, she had 'eyes in the back of her head' and we still did everything you are concerned might happen at this 'party'........no way she go's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) pending additional details, i don't think i'd have a prob with her going to a party. factors that might alter my opinion: - parental supervision - time it ends (if not an overnight) - if an overnight...no boys stay over!!! - location - crowd attending What he said. ETA: After reading that this is a party of 4..... No f'ing way, you wanna know why? Because I use to pull that crap when I was their age and it was for two reasons only - to touch boob and kiss, hell I'd even sneak in a small bottle of airplane schnapps that I stole from my parents and we'd all sip from it. I'm not sure what kind of crap they think they're trying to pull but I know that I've either tried or seen everything in the book and there are a few red flags being thrown. Edited October 29, 2009 by twiley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 What he said. ETA: After reading that this is a party of 4..... No f'ing way, you wanna know why? Because I use to pull that crap when I was their age and it was for two reasons only - to touch boob and kiss, hell I'd even sneak in a small bottle of airplane schnapps that I stole from my parents and we'd all sip from it. I'm not sure what kind of crap they think they're trying to pull but I know that I've either tried or seen everything in the book and there are a few red flags being thrown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czarina Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I'm actually pretty shocked by what parents allow their kids to do these days. I have a 14 year old son, and we're constantly bombarded with requests to go places with friends, etc. Unfortunately for us, a lot of Nick's friends are the middle or youngest kids in their family...so their parents are much more lenient than we are. Now maybe they're just more lenient, period, but I do find a huge difference when it comes to birth order. I'm just grateful this week that his weekend plans have gone from what sounds like a double date to the movies to hanging out at a friends and riding bikes in their neighborhood in the dark (and presumably scaring the bejeezus out of some poor, unsuspecting kids ). FWIW, my son has been to 2 parties at which he was the only boy to show up. What's more, those parties turned out to be sleepovers, although he wasn't invited to that part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 On one level I understand parents wanting to know where there kids are and who they are with, and that's just common sense and good parenting. But at times it seems a bit panicked and silly, trying to control their curiosities and actually believing they can prevent their kids from experimenting. I've always said that I would open a dialog about sex, alcohol and drugs with my kids from an early age (10, 11?), earn their trust so they could share their thoughts and feelings about that stuff, then I would just give them the straight dope -- here are the possible consequences, here is why I don't think it would be wise, but in the end you have to decide because I can't be everywhere. I'm guessing that kind of approach is really uncomfortable for most parents though, because it seems almost unheard of. I'd rather be asking my kid at 11 "What have you heard about pot? Do you know kids who smoke it? Ever wonder what it's like? Want to see pictures of some musicians from the 60's who smoked it every day for years? Do you like remembering things?"...instead of at age 14, having my first conversation about it being "So, there won't be any drugs at this party, right?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 If you're over 35, Just subtract a minimum of 5 years today to what you did and what your kids are doing from what I hear. Hell no she goes. In fact, I lock her in the room until she's 18...21 in some states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I'd rather be asking my kid at 11 "What have you heard about pot? Do you know kids who smoke it? Ever wonder what it's like? Wanna head out the garage and fire up my old hooka and bake our skulls into oblivion? " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonkis Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I have a 13 year old stepdaughter. Not knowing the parents is the single biggest problem with this. Meeting them when you drop them off and/or talking to them on the phone is not enough to trust the welfare of your child with them for an overnight. Just knowing they attend church has no bearing on my decision and my dad is a minister. If you knew the kid, and had met the parents a bit more, maybe, because you can glean some parental info from knowing the kid, but you're totally blind in this. Personally, I would invite them to my house this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NAUgrad Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 Okay so I spoke briefly with the youth minister yesterday (actually going to church with these kids has really nothing to do with my decision. They could go to school together or live in the neighborhood, my opinion would remain the same. By the way, we go to a Methodist church, just FYI). The youth minister was great to talk to. He gave me complete insight on all of the kids. He knows everything that goes on and deals with it directly right away. I've seen him do it and it is very effective. Anyway, he basically informed me that the two boys really don't have a clue, for the most part, about girls. Both are extremely laid back, don't date or anything else. That really didn't make me feel any better, but at least I felt like he knows the kids. He then introduced me to one of the boys mom's. We talked for quite awhile and felt good about her parenting. The big kicker was talking with the girlfriends parents as well. They are extremely protective of their daughter. They've taken their daughter and one of these boys to a football game before and one of the parents sat right next to the two the entire time. They plan to be in the same room as the kids the entire time. I felt much better about things, but I'm still not completely comfortable with the situation and at this point she ain't going. The cool thing about all of this is that I had a talk with my daughter about why the answer was no. She was really disappointed, but understood and really didn't fight me on it at all. I almost felt bad for her because she caved so easily. In the long run this is the best solution as nothing good can come from this party. Thanks for the advice and opinions on this. Great help from you guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I went to my first on ein the sixth grade, boys and girls attended... nothing too crazy went on, number of parents around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 You guys are pretty uptight. I remember being a pretty free-range kid at the age of 12-14. I had hours after school before my mom came home that my friends and I would just wander the town finding stuff to do, and we turned out ok. Hopefully you raised them right and they made the right friends. My tip is to not start mistrusting them until they give you a reason to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 What a crap job a youth minister must be. He knows she's going to get drunk and make out and still has to tell the parents it'll be okay because it involves other church people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 In the long run this is the best solution as nothing good can come from this party. Chaperoned social interaction with memebrs of the opposite sex in a controlled enviornment? I wonder if she even tells you next time, knowing your answer was "no" to this innocent get-together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Chaperoned social interaction with memebrs of the opposite sex in a controlled enviornment? I wonder if she even tells you next time, knowing your answer was "no" to this innocent get-together? That's the 21st Century way of parenting. I didn't want to tell little Cyndi "no", she may not like me anymore and do something bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) That's the 21st Century way of parenting. I didn't want to tell little Cyndi "no", she may not like me anymore and do something bad. I don't know if its a mater of "she may not like her dad anymore, so let her go". I think, at 12 years old, kids are going to want to start getting a tad more freedom. See Rajn's post about when people took their 1st drink...for most, it was around this age group. Kids are doing a lot more at 12 these days than asking if they can go to a friends house for a get-together with her parents present. i just don't think you can shelter a child so much that, at some point, they may begin to rebel and push back. Giving her a little lattitude, and allowing her to attend a function where (1) you have a ministers solid recommnedation and (2) you have a great gut-instinct about the parents doesn't sound ask risky as some of the alternatives that might crop up now that you have set rather strict bounderies. Edited October 29, 2009 by i_am_the_swammi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I like all the "I remember what I did at that age so no way" responses. You turned out ok didn't you? If you trust your kids, you have to give them some slack. (And, yes, I have a 16 yar old stepchild). It's a 'party' with parents present and no boy/girl sleepover. Unless you know something bad about the parents, I say let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) Given the new information, I think I'd let my daughter go. However I would make sure she knew that I was putting a lot of trust in her in doing so and tell her that I would be expecting a phone call as soon as the boys have made their exit and then I would let the other parents know that I have made that request. Edited October 29, 2009 by rajncajn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevinL Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 The big kicker was talking with the girlfriends parents as well. They are extremely protective of their daughter. They've taken their daughter and one of these boys to a football game before and one of the parents sat right next to the two the entire time. They plan to be in the same room as the kids the entire time. I felt much better about things, but I'm still not completely comfortable with the situation and at this point she ain't going. I've been a no-vote for most of this discussion, but based on this, I think I would let my daughter go. Seems like you got the best possible answer and you still didn't change your mind. It's good for future events that you got to know the freinds' parents, but it seems like your mind was made up all along. If not, what could you have learned that would have caused you to allow her to go? FYI, I've got 2 12-year old boys and an 11 year old girl. My daughter is planning to have a friend over and play 2v2 soccer in the yard with her brothers. Is this the same situation or since it's not called a "party" is it different? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithkt Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 As one of the other people who had been leaning toward the no position, I'm really surprised at the outcome here. You had assurances from the youth minister who you appear to hold in some regard. You spoke with the hosting parents and seemed assured they would provide a safe environment. Yet this is the conclusion you draw? nothing good can come from this party. At some point you have to let kids expand their world. You seem to have been presented with a very solid opportunity for her to do that, but still said no? I don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Based on the new info that has surfaced I'd have no issues letting her go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 this thread makes me happy i have a son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 "I think you're being too hard on the girl Ward" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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