detlef Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I'm not sure if there's a thread for this, because it doesn't belong in the "piss you off" thread. This is the sort of thing that just makes you chuckle and shake your head. Here's one. For starters, my wife is a very intelligent and capable woman. It's just that there's certain things that she just shuts her brain off for. An example: I recently bought and installed a Roku box on our TV so we could stream Netflix and such. Our flat-screen rotates just barely enough away from the wall to get to the inputs so it was sort of a pain. I moved a few things around and apparently didn't plug the yellow jack all the way back in for the DVD player. My bad. My bad, also for not double checking that everything else worked. But I'm a guy and I just got a new toy and that is all I cared about. DVDs-shmeeveedees, I'm streaming. At any rate, I'm at the hockey game and I get a call from my wife. She wants to watch a DVD and can't get it to play. To her credit, she scanned through all the input options with the remote. No luck. I tried to talk her through making sure it was plugged in but to no avail. Again, it's nearly impossible to see behind the TV. So I tell her, "Follow the cables out of the back of the DVD player, unplug them from where ever they are, and just plug them into the front of the TV. You'll be able to watch your movie and I'll fix it properly when I get home." A bit later she texts me to tell me it didn't work and she's just going to give up and read a book. When I get home, I go and check out the situation. She unplugged the cables from the back of the DVD player and plugged those ends into the front of the TV. So now there are no cables coming out of the DVD player. It's not plugged into anything but the power strip. I guess that's why it didn't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Lots just off the top of my head Repeats the same story she's already told me, frequently "Garbage Night" no chit they haven't changed it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 My wife is horrible at coming up with the right words at certain times. Say we're eating dinner and I get up to grab a second helping from the kitchen, she'll ask, " Can you bring me some more potatoes?" I 'll look at her and she'll say, "You know what I mean..." We may be having rice, or she meant green beans, or broccoli, but at the time she was thinking "potatoes" and that is what came out. It has gotten to where I just simply know what she is talking about, I just shake my head and walk off and grab whatever it is she actually wanted, though she was unable to correctly verbalize it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 My wife is horrible at coming up with the right words at certain times. Say we're eating dinner and I get up to grab a second helping from the kitchen, she'll ask, " Can you bring me some more potatoes?" I 'll look at her and she'll say, "You know what I mean..." We may be having rice, or she meant green beans, or broccoli, but at the time she was thinking "potatoes" and that is what came out. It has gotten to where I just simply know what she is talking about, I just shake my head and walk off and grab whatever it is she actually wanted, though she was unable to correctly verbalize it. yep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Lots just off the top of my head Repeats the same story she's already told me, frequently "Garbage Night" no chit they haven't changed it Same story, yep... Yep... "SEC the garbage bag is full" (she means overflowing and she just threw something in there and it rolled off the top and landed on the floor). Me: "Do you actually know what to do when a garbage bag is full other than telling me that the garbage bag is full?" as I go into the pantry and carry the garbage bag out to the container... Maybe this should have gone under the things the wife does to annoy me... The other part of it is if she actually takes the garbage out she doesn't like to tie the draw strings together, thus if the container is full and she setts it next to the container our basset hound like to spread the contents of said garbage bag across the yard... Soooo, it's just easier for me to take the garbage out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I am anal about cutting off unused lights. I have asked my wife over and over again to please cut off the lights when not in use. Sometimes I come home and there are so many lights on its unreal. Other times I see she tries but its a losing battle. When she is in a hurry and running out the door she reaches back to cut the foyer light off but instead cuts it on, having no clue what she just did. I usually just shake my head a laugh. ................................. And then I go and cut the light off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I am anal about cutting off unused lights. I have asked my wife over and over again to please cut off the lights when not in use. Sometimes I come home and there are so many lights on its unreal. Other times I see she tries but its a losing battle. When she is in a hurry and running out the door she reaches back to cut the foyer light off but instead cuts it on, having no clue what she just did. I usually just shake my head a laugh. ................................. And then I go and cut the light off. same here...always leaving lights on She keeps telling me that they are "energy saver" bulbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Today, my wife calls me at work. We are going to the Royals home opener tomorrow, and our group sends out an email today saying they had a couple of extra tickets.. One of her friends from work tells my wife they would like to go to the game. Here's the phone conversation: Wife: How much were our Royals tickets? Me: Why? Wife: Well, there are extra tickets available for the game tomorrow and my friend from work wants to go. Me: I don't know. We had to buy a couple games to get opening day tickets, so I just paid a total. Wife: But how much if they just buy the opening day tickets? Me: Why don't you just call whoever sent the email and ask them out much they want for the tickets? Wife. (silence, then a chuckle). Oh, that's a good idea. Bye. Me: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 My wife is the thoughtful, saintly type. She's the second youngest of 9, and is used to being the default babysitter, gofer etc. Any of her nieces or nephews have any kind of important game or competion, she's there. A friend is having a party, she's up til 1AM making trays of meatballs and pasta salad. I'm an only child, grew up not having to share and I'm distrustful and an introvert by nature. I can be downright rude to anyone that approaches me if I think they are selling me something or begging for change. One great thing about our marriage in general is that we're helping each other find a happy medium. She stands up for herself more often, and I'm now accustomed to social events with either friends or family pretty much every weekend. And it never fails, whenever I had planned a quiet weekend at home working on projects, something invariably comes up, I dread it, but we go and I have an awesome time. So what always cracks me up is watching her scramble to get a million things done because she overcommited herself, or not wanting to hurt a salesman's feelings..."Aw, I felt bad, he spent all that time explaining the sofa..." And of course every beggar gets a buck. I assume they're all drunks, her reasoning is it's just a buck and the guy may really be hungry. I shake my head even though I can't deny she's right. It's just so different from my core nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I love the Southern expressions and mis-pronounced words. eg the word "right" as a substitute for "very," like "that's right pretty." Or the cliched Southern woman thing of ripping on someone but it somehow sounds sweet and innocent because she says it with a sweet-like "poor thing" afterwards, such as "that boy looks like a cross between a mule and Frankenstein...the poor thing." She also pronounces "ruin" this way: "ru-ween." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucky11 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 where to begin? recently: me [picking up her call at work]: "Hello, (name of business) how can I help you?" her: "Hi, it's me. Are you busy?" me: "Pretty much." her: "Ok, well I wanted to tell you about....(eight things that I could hear about when i get home)" memory is another. i told her on Monday night, and again last night, that i was leaving early to get the oil changed on the car. so i set the alarm early to get out of the house by 7:30. first thing she asks when i get out of the shower, "Where are you going so early?" pronunciation: "ruin" as "rune". "Massachusetts" as "Mass-a-choossssess" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 my wife uses pronouns rather than proper names to such an extent that I never know who did what where. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 my wife uses pronouns rather than proper names to such an extent that I never know who did what where. Kinda reminds me of my Turkish friends... In Turkish there is no he/she, everything is neutered, so at times in english, they'll refer to him as "her" or vice-versa. One dude in a group in graduate school went off on my buddy one day because he kept calling him, "her"... Thought he was taking shots at him, but it was merely the language barrier. That and if you ever meet a Turkish person, have them say 'Volvo" for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulzale Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Got a new bed about a month ago, been great. I hurt/pulled a muscle in my back the other day working out. Complained to her about it last night and told her I was taking a muscle relaxer for it (I have back trouble from time to time). This morning after I am ready to leave: Her: "Does this mattress hurt your back?" Me: "No, I feel great this morning and love the mattress." Her: "Mine hurts, I think it maybe the bed." Me: "Did it just start hurting?" Her: "Yeah." Me: "We have had the bed for a month, anything else happen in the last few days?" Her: "Yeah, I have a kidney infection." Me: "Well I bet that is the problem and not the mattress." Her: "Stop being and insensitive jerk!" Me: "Love you, gotta go to work now." Really? Edited March 31, 2011 by paulzale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Got a new bed about a month ago, been great. I hurt/pulled a muscle in my back the other day working out. Complained to her about it last night and told her I was taking a muscle relaxer for it (I have back trouble from time to time). This morning after I am ready to leave: Her: "Does this mattress hurt your back?" Me: "No, I feel great this morning and love the mattress." Her: "Mine hurts, I think it maybe the bed." Me: "Did it just start hurting?" Her: "Yeah." Me: "We have had the bed for a month, anything else happen in the last few days?" Her: "Yeah, I have a kidney infection." Me: "Well I bet that is the problem and not the mattress." Her: "Stop being and insensitive jerk!" Me: "Love you, gotta go to work now." Really? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 When I get home, I go and check out the situation. She unplugged the cables from the back of the DVD player and plugged those ends into the front of the TV. So now there are no cables coming out of the DVD player. It's not plugged into anything but the power strip. I guess that's why it didn't work. That's flippin' hysterical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NAUgrad Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh B Tool Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Putting up with me everyday, I couldn't do it and still don't know, or want to know for that matter how and why she does Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Her fake orgasms make me chuckle sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Her fake orgasms make me chuckle sometimes. enthusiasm is nice, but no one likes overacting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 enthusiasm is nice, but no one likes overacting. Oh I don't get all crazy with my chuckle...it's under my breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skilly Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Everytime I drive someplace with my girl is like the first time. She's always like,"I didn't know we could get home from this street!" and I'm like, "well, we've only taken this way home about a hundred times dear. " She has NO sense of direction or even an inkling of what space she happens to be occupying on the planet. Frustrating and endearing at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeductiveNun Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 She is terrible with directions. We're moving to a new house in a month and she said that now she has to learn a whole new neighborhood. My response was she's lived here for almost 3 years and she still doesn't know this one. All she could do was laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 When my wife wants to remind herself to do something she texts the task to me. Out of the blue Ill get texts that say "Dry cleaners, CCD Sun 1, Pick up dad" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 She is terrible with directions. We're moving to a new house in a month and she said that now she has to learn a whole new neighborhood. My response was she's lived here for almost 3 years and she still doesn't know this one. All she could do was laugh. We have lived in Stuart, FL since 1997. Stuart is on the east coast, north of Palm Beach. My wife's parents were in Naples, FL--the Southwest portion of Florid, well south of Tampa. They have vacationed there for 4 years running. This past weekend, we drove down to see them, as we have done every year they vacationed there. My wife drove this time as I had some evaluation reports to write up. As we are getting on the turnpike, she asks "north or south?" I didn't really pay attn to what she said as I was engrossed in my work. I looked up and she was very close to going North on the turnpike. I freaked and yelled "South, south!" So, of course, she almost side swipes another car and is upset with me--although the Garmin on the dashboard clearly indicated for her to go south. I was incredulous that North on the turnpike was even on her radar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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