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Matrix Moments


darin3
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I'm sure there's been times in your life where you've done things that make you go "whoa". Catch a falling glass off the table? Swerve out of the way of a bouncing ball in a street?

 

I can think of three off the top of my head.

 

First, when I was in 7th or 8th grade, I was on a traveling soccer team. We were practicing one sunny afternoon and I took a ball to the jewels. The entire team literally just stopped... expecting me to drop to the ground. Apparently I had shifted my body and turned my legs inward in a way where I essentially "cupped" the ball, basically taking the brunt of the force to my upper thighs and lower abs. Everyone was in awe. [insert small weenie and/or no balls joke here] :D

 

Next occurance was sometime around 8th or 9th grade. Across the street from where I grew up is the Orange County Fairgrounds. Every Saturday/Sunday for as long as I can remember, they have a swap meet there. A real nice one, at that. Anyways, during the week leading up to Christmas, they are open every day. Perfect time for kids to get a week's worth of work in, as the vendors are extra busy. So I work for this guy that is selling women's shoes. The day I worked was super windy. I'm talkin' REAL windy. So we had set up ropes with weights on the ends to hold down the tarp and metal tent assembly. We were taking the tent down and decided to do it in pieces. I was holding on to a rope on one of the corners when this HUGH gust of wind hit.... the guy that was holding the nearest corner let go and I went FLYING into the air, holding onto the rope and tarp, Mary Poppins style. I SLAMMED into the side of the guy's big asz truck/van thingie that he used to bring in the boxes, etc. The metal assembly had twisted up and held me up against the side of the truck. Someone called 911 and they were rushing to get me down. I freed myself from the rope/metal and climbed up to the roof of the van. Then jumped down. I didn't have a scratch on me. No bruises, no pain, nothing. :D

 

And last, when I was a senior in HS, I played varsity hoops. I had just hit a pair of free throws, and our team would always full-court press after made free throws. It was the responsibility of the free throw shooter to go cover the inbound pass. So I ran up to guard the inbounder. He went to throw the ball in... and in basically one motion, I stole the ball out of mid-air (it had only traveled like 1 foot) and jumped from essentially behind the backboard to drop the ball in the hoop. 4 points in less than a second! :D

 

So, let's hear it, Neo's! :D

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I actually have some amazing reflexes, and pretty much at least once a week I freak out my wife by being able to accidentally drop my keys (or something like that) and catch them before they hit the ground. This last week I was carrying my son in one hand, holding his bottle in another, walking down the stairs... my son threw his pacifier, and I reached out and caught it with my hand with the bottle in it. Didn't even break stride.

 

When I was a kid about 10 years old, I remember getting into a big fight with a friend of mine. He road off on his bike, and as he turned the corner of our street I whipped a rock at him... hit the poor kid right in the head and knocked him off his bike! :D

 

I know, that's terrible... but it was a good 50 yards and a once-in-a-lifetime shot!

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I'm sure there's been times in your life where you've done things that make you go "whoa".  Catch a falling glass off the table?  Swerve out of the way of a bouncing ball in a street? 

 

I can think of three off the top of my head.

1390281[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

i have reviewed your qualifications and i can say without a doubt, you are not the one.

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I was a fast-pitch softball pitcher during my college days. I'll never forget the day I threw a fat pitch over the plate to the opposing team's best hitter. The guy tagged the ball and hit a line drive right at my crotch. More as a reflex than anything I stuck my glove out in front of me and miraculously the ball went into the glove a millisecond before it would have crushed my 'nads. When I looked down and saw the ball in my glove, I realized how close I had come to needing donor sperm for future childbearing.

 

Definitely a "WHOA" moment.

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One day when I was a junior in college, my buddy who was a ref for intramural basketball came into my room as I was ripping bongloads to my skull, and he said, "Do you want to go down to the school and shoot some hoops?"

 

"Hell no" I said, "I'm stoned to the bajeezus, and I want to sit on my ass and look at the screensaver on my computer. Besides, I suck at basketball."

 

"C'mon..." he says, "Nobody will be down there. We'll just shoot around."

 

"No pickup games? I'm really in no shape to play against anyone."

 

"No pickup games, I promise. We'll just shoot around."

 

So... we go down to the court, and there are 4 tall minority gentlemen that we have a passing acquaintence with, and they ask, "Hey... you guys wanna jump in this game?"

 

"Absolutely! Let's do it!" says my friend. I hate him. I really do. I can barely see straight, and now I'm about to play half court 3 on 3 with guys who do this for fun every day.

 

Anyway... long story short, is I was the man that day. Everything slowed down, and I got in a zone. I sunk every 3 pointer I shot. These guys were passing me the ball, yelling "feed whitey", and stuff. Never before, and never since, have I had any skill at basketball, but that day I was Larry Bird, only shorter and prettier.

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I got one...

 

 

One time I was checking out some pron on the internet and came across this fine asian girl doing her thing with another fine asian woman, so I knew my wife would be back any minute from the store which means I had to act fast.

 

Everything slowed down for me, got the jizz rag (every guy has one.) did my business and just as she put her key into the front door I finished, when sprinting out of the computer room holding my shorts up with my left hand, threw the rag into the laundry, slid on the sink matt and dove for the couch.

 

I landed on my stomach covering up the fact I have my shorts unbuttoned and a woody, grab the remove and flick on the TV before she could make it into the living room

 

It was a "Whoa" moment if I've ever seen one.

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I got one...

One time I was checking out some pron on the internet and came across this fine asian girl doing her thing with another fine asian woman, so I knew my wife would be back any minute from the store which means I had to act fast.

 

Everything slowed down for me, got the jizz rag (every guy has one.) did my business and just as she put her key into the front door I finished, when sprinting out of the computer room holding my shorts up with my left hand, threw the rag into the laundry, slid on the sink matt and dove for the couch.

 

I landed on my stomach covering up the fact I have my shorts unbuttoned and a woody, grab the remove and flick on the TV before she could make it into the living room

 

It was a "Whoa" moment if I've ever seen one.

1390524[/snapback]

 

LOL

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I got one...

One time I was checking out some pron on the internet and came across this fine asian girl doing her thing with another fine asian woman, so I knew my wife would be back any minute from the store which means I had to act fast.

 

Everything slowed down for me, got the jizz rag (every guy has one.) did my business and just as she put her key into the front door I finished, when sprinting out of the computer room holding my shorts up with my left hand, threw the rag into the laundry, slid on the sink matt and dove for the couch.

 

I landed on my stomach covering up the fact I have my shorts unbuttoned and a woody, grab the remove and flick on the TV before she could make it into the living room

 

It was a "Whoa" moment if I've ever seen one.

1390524[/snapback]

:D Yep. That's a "Whoa" moment.

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I HS I had a wine bottle thrown at me and I caught it in one smooth move threw it back at the guy nailing him. Once in a lifetime move.

 

A bunch of us were playing baseball in a schoolyard once and a friend of hit the ball over the fence and into the street. Now the amazing part was this lady was drving by with her window down and the ball went right in the window and hit her in the head knocking here cold and causing the car to crash into a parked car.

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I HS I had a wine bottle thrown at me and I caught it in one smooth move threw it back at the guy nailing him. Once in a lifetime move.

 

A bunch of us were playing baseball in a schoolyard once and a friend of hit the ball over the fence and into the street. Now the amazing part was this lady was drving by with her window down and the ball went right in the window and hit her in the head knocking here cold and causing the car to crash into a parked car.

 

1390564[/snapback]

 

 

 

1. That is affectionately called a "Jack Burton". :D

 

2. :D Reminds me of when I was playing pool with a buddy... he went to shoot a "jump" shot and the ball bounced off the table and landed on a waitress' serving tray.

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A bunch of us were playing baseball in a schoolyard once and a friend of hit the ball over the fence and into the street. Now the amazing part was this lady was drving by with her window down and the ball went right in the window and hit her in the head knocking here cold and causing the car to crash into a parked car.

 

1390564[/snapback]

 

 

 

:D (yes, I am a bad person)

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1.  That is affectionately called a "Jack Burton". :D

 

2.  :D  Reminds me of when I was playing pool with a buddy... he went to shoot a "jump" shot and the ball bounced off the table and landed on a waitress' serving tray.

 

1390587[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

OK I'll bite. What is a Jack Burton?

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One time at a superbowl party many moons ago a guy knocked over one of those little folding TV tables and I caught his drink and full plate of food before it hit the floor .Drink in 1 hand food in another.

Edited by whomper
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2.  :D  Reminds me of when I was playing pool with a buddy... he went to shoot a "jump" shot and the ball bounced off the table and landed on a waitress' serving tray.

 

1390587[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

That happened to me once, but I was on the receiving end. I was standing near the pool tables, and I heard a "smash" and felt my shoes get wet. I looked down and the bottom half of my glass had been smashed off by the cue ball which was lying by my feet. I was still holding the top of the glass in my hand cluelessly.

 

One Halloween, my buddy leaned out the passenger side window of a car, and whipped an egg across the hood to hit a guy on the left side of the road square in the nuts with an egg. That was pretty amazing.

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I have way to many reflex moments too count, being in the ninja family and all. But I do have a particularly whoa moment where I was a participant, I was at the bar with a bunch of friends and I grab cashew (or somethin like that) and whip it at one of my friends head which he promptly caught between his teeth, and if that's not unbelievable enough I did it a second time with the same result :D Everyone was in awe and whenever me and that friend hang out to this day the story usually comes up.

Edited by ChuckB
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  • 8 months later...

I took my girls out to dinner last night and one of them dropped her fork..I caught it about 20 inches from the floor..Even my daughter said "Nice catch dad"

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I'm somewhat clumsy and often trip. Have done so all my life. The result of this lifetime of clumsiness is I have learned to quickly regain balance when thrown off, or to fall quickly without hurting myself. When I trip hard, I tuck into a forward roll, take the impact on my shoulder rolling across my back and popped right up to my feet without losing a step. It looks like a James Bond move. I've done it on many occasions, and folks are always amazed at it.

 

As I kid I played war in the woods with my friends. The rule was when you were shot, you HAD to fall no matter where you were. We developed a method of falling out of trees that uses the limbs of the trees to break your fall (you grab them breifly as you fall, slowing your self). It looks pretty realistic. The first time I did that in front of my college buddies, they were freaked out.

 

Doubt if I could do that today, with quite a few more pounds on me than I had back then.

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I got one...

One time I was checking out some pron on the internet and came across this fine asian girl doing her thing with another fine asian woman, so I knew my wife would be back any minute from the store which means I had to act fast.

 

Everything slowed down for me, got the jamba juice rag (every guy has one.) did my business and just as she put her key into the front door I finished, when sprinting out of the computer room holding my shorts up with my left hand, threw the rag into the laundry, slid on the sink matt and dove for the couch.

 

I landed on my stomach covering up the fact I have my shorts unbuttoned and a woody, grab the remove and flick on the TV before she could make it into the living room

 

It was a "Whoa" moment if I've ever seen one.

 

 

 

You know i was reading this going "Who is the dumba$$ who wrote this" then i saw the name. :D

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Was driving on the interstate on way home from work one day with traffic flowing as normal. I glance down for approximately 3 seconds at something and when I look back up the pickup in front of me is practically stopped. I briefly looked over in the right lane then swerved into it like a mad man. I escaped the act of realigning the bumper of the pickup but the people behind and several cars behind them ended up on the birm and in the median. The left lane was clear for probably at least half a mile and there was no logical explanation of why all the people in the right lane were sitting there stopped. I think Someone was watching out for me :D

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