Domestic Squabble

[SayItAintSoJoe]

Here’s the background:

 

My wife works 3 days a week (12 hour shifts) as a nurse in a labor and delivery unit. Not an easy job as it can be both physically demanding and stressful. The 3 days are not set days which means they can fall on any day of week, including weekends and holidays. She works from 7AM-7PM and leaves the house at about 6:15AM on days that she works.

 

I work M-F, 5 days a week (8 hours a day) as a computer programmer. Not physically demanding but can be stressful at times. I run my own business which means that even when I’m away from the office there are still a lot of things regarding the business on my mind.

 

We have two children (boys) ages 3 and 7. The 3 year old goes to pre-school 3 days a week and the 7 year old goes to school 5 days a week.

 

On days that my wife works I get up at 6:30AM to get the boys ready for school, feed them breakfast, and get myself ready for work. We have to leave the house by 7:40AM.

 

Here’s the dilemma:

 

On days that my wife doesn’t work she still wants me to get the boys ready for school while she stays in bed. I, on the other hand, would rather stay in bed for an extra ½ hour, and have her get the boys ready for school. She’s fought me tooth and nail on this and has finally agreed to get the boys ready for school on days that they both go to school (Mon,Tue,Thur), but on the days when only the older boy goes to school (Wed,Fri) she wants me to do it. Now granted he is 7 and virtually does everything for himself except fix his hair and make his own breakfast. Still, I feel that if she isn’t working that day she should take care of this.

 

This morning since it is Wednesday we were faced with this situation. I stayed in bed till 7AM and therefore needed her help to get my older boy ready for school. Needless to say an argument ensued. Nothing like getting your day started off with an argument. I feel like I’m right, and she feels like she’s right. So who is right????

[Swampnuts]

You've been with the woman at least 7 years, you should realize that you're never right.

 

Women value their days off more than men do IMO. My wife acts like she has to do absolutely nothing on her days off, because she works hard the rest of the time. I don't always agree, but it's easier to keep the peace that way.

 

I work 12 hour shifts at night, and usually get my son ready for preschool when I get home, and I get up to do it on days I don't work. I'm not saying it's right, it's just easier in the long run to do it myself.

[Grits and Shins]

I would tend to fall in the camp that the parent that is NOT working that particular day should be the one getting the children ready for school. Although I do understand the line of reasoning that says since you are already getting up that getting up an extra half hour early isn't too much of a burden and establishes a regular routine for the kids.

 

I think the ideal solution is that both parents get up and spend time with your children in the morning ... don't make it a get up, hurry around and fly out the door. Make it a more leisurely family time in the morning where you share breakfast as a family.

 

I predict that your wife won't like that solution either as it involves her getting out of bed as well. I also predict that unless you capitulate and do it every day you will continue to have arguements with your wife.

[Kid Cid]

The correct answer has nothing to do with the kids although as a side effect they do benefit. Take over the morning duties every morning, kiss your wife and apologize for being so pig headed, bank the good will for when something really important arises.

 

Although Blitz is right, the ideal solution involves both parents in the AM.

Edited May 16, 2007 by Kid Cid

[Yukon Cornelius]

You've been with the woman at least 7 years, you should realize that you're never right.

 

Women value their days off more than men do IMO. My wife acts like she has to do absolutely nothing on her days off, because she works hard the rest of the time. I don't always agree, but it's easier to keep the peace that way.

 

I work 12 hour shifts at night, and usually get my son ready for preschool when I get home, and I get up to do it on days I don't work. I'm not saying it's right, it's just easier in the long run to do it myself.

 

wurd

[AtomicCEO]

Hmmm... Have you considered physical abuse?

 

Nothing makes a woman appreciate what she's got like a little tear-down of her self respect.

[Ramhock]

The correct answer has nothing to do with the kids although as a side effect they do benefit. Take over the morning duties every morning, kiss your wife and apologize for being so pig headed, bank the good will for when something really important arises.

 

Although Blitz is right, the ideal solution involves both parents in the AM.

 

 

Exactly, pick your spots. This ain't one of them.

[Egret]

The correct answer has nothing to do with the kids although as a side effect they do benefit. Take over the morning duties every morning, kiss your wife and apologize for being so pig headed, bank the good will for when something really important arises.

 

Although Blitz is right, the ideal solution involves both parents in the AM.

 

That's the correct answer. Gold Star.

[chiefjay]

Don't be a wuss, don't back down, hold your ground.

 

I bet she used to make you get up and do feedings in the middle of the night too when the kids were babies?

 

Beyotches.

 

My real answer: I agree with the others. Just do it, the bond you'll create with your kids will out weigh dealing with the old lady and her sleep requirements.

 

I used to deal with this with my wife but eventually it got better. She usually sleeps in Sundays and that doesn't bother me anymore not that the kids are a bit older.

 

Get your day started man.

Edited May 16, 2007 by chiefjay

[dmarc117]

bag of oranges.....doesnt leave bruises

[Fatman]

Thank the good Lord that you not only found someone who would marry you, but would also carry your spawn.

[Yukon Cornelius]

Thank the good Lord that you not only found someone who would marry you, but would also carry your spawn.

 

yup

[Coffeeman]

The correct answer has nothing to do with the kids although as a side effect they do benefit. Take over the morning duties every morning, kiss your wife and apologize for being so pig headed, bank the good will for when something really important arises.

 

Although Blitz is right, the ideal solution involves both parents in the AM.

 

 

wurd, and to add: how much do you like sex? Let your pen!s be your guide.....

[muck]

All I'm saying is "GB Muckette"

[TimC]

Hmmm... Have you considered physical abuse?

 

Nothing makes a woman appreciate what she's got like a little tear-down of her self respect.

 

 

Exactly, pick your spots. This is one of them.

[TimC]

Unless she takes away the Barnaby Jones...then do whatever whenever she says.

[yo mama]

Depends. Everyone "ought" to get the equivilent of a weekend-type day off. So if you want to give her some time to sleep in during some work week mornings so that she gives you yours on the weekend, that sounds fair.

 

But if she gets to sleep in both during the week *and* on the weekend, then I'm on your side here.

 

FYI, my wife only works part-time as well, and has 12 hour shifts as well. But the way we see it, she may not "going to work" every day M-F, but those days she's at home she still has a "job" to do. I don't work my ass off every day outside the house so she can lounge around; I work like that to afford her the opportunity to stay home and raise the kids if she chooses to. That's work, too, and heaven forbid someone be asked to wake up before they'd like to in order show up on time for a job.

 

Just make sure she gets *some* time to sleep in.

Edited May 16, 2007 by yo mama

[cre8tiff]

Just remember in this world the wimmen have half the money and ALL the pootie.

 

Make her happy, you idiot.

[MikesVikes]

Some day the kids will grow up and leave the house and you'll miss moments like these.

[TimC]

Boys ages 3 and 7 should be able to get up and fix themselves breakfast and start their workday without you by now. Shame on you guys.

Edited May 16, 2007 by TimC

[Azazello1313]

Here’s the background:

 

My wife works 3 days a week (12 hour shifts) as a nurse in a labor and delivery unit. Not an easy job as it can be both physically demanding and stressful. The 3 days are not set days which means they can fall on any day of week, including weekends and holidays. She works from 7AM-7PM and leaves the house at about 6:15AM on days that she works.

 

I work M-F, 5 days a week (8 hours a day) as a computer programmer. Not physically demanding but can be stressful at times. I run my own business which means that even when I’m away from the office there are still a lot of things regarding the business on my mind.

 

We have two children (boys) ages 3 and 7. The 3 year old goes to pre-school 3 days a week and the 7 year old goes to school 5 days a week.

 

On days that my wife works I get up at 6:30AM to get the boys ready for school, feed them breakfast, and get myself ready for work. We have to leave the house by 7:40AM.

 

Here’s the dilemma:

 

On days that my wife doesn’t work she still wants me to get the boys ready for school while she stays in bed. I, on the other hand, would rather stay in bed for an extra ½ hour, and have her get the boys ready for school. She’s fought me tooth and nail on this and has finally agreed to get the boys ready for school on days that they both go to school (Mon,Tue,Thur), but on the days when only the older boy goes to school (Wed,Fri) she wants me to do it. Now granted he is 7 and virtually does everything for himself except fix his hair and make his own breakfast. Still, I feel that if she isn’t working that day she should take care of this.

 

This morning since it is Wednesday we were faced with this situation. I stayed in bed till 7AM and therefore needed her help to get my older boy ready for school. Needless to say an argument ensued. Nothing like getting your day started off with an argument. I feel like I’m right, and she feels like she’s right. So who is right????

 

 

i think you should be the one on wed/fris when she's off. you're getting up anyway, let her sleep in (perhaps i value sleeping in more than most). but i agree she should help out with getting the 3 year old ready for pre-school on her day off.

[The Irish Doggy]

I understand the side of a person who works weekends. I used to do it, and it totally blows.

 

That said, they're her kids too and she can take a mid-morning nap if she so chooses while the house is empty. She's being selfish IMO.

[The Holy Roller]

Raised two boys and two girls. It was a together project and there were times when both of us had to do "more". But now they're all grown and gone. I would give everything to do it all again. And this time I would be smiling every moment.

[tonorator]

we're talking about a half of a freakin' hour? you get to see your kids to start their day and do something nice for your wife all at the cost of a measly 30 minutes? go to bed a half hour earlier.

[Dragon]

Raised two boys and two girls. It was a together project and there were times when both of us had to do "more". But now they're all grown and gone. I would give everything to do it all again. And this time I would be smiling every moment.

 

 

Hey, I'll pm you my home address. When can we can expect you.

 

Just kidding - As I'm getting older, I am smiling more and more at the "daily routines" that I dreaded as a younger parent.

 

Oh, and regarding the squabble - if it's the day after a 12 hour shift, you should get up. My wife did the same thing for 12 years and it's tougher than we think it is.