Atlanta Cracker Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 So here's the situation. I work in a partnership with two other people in my office - still within the larger company but we share resources, work together with clients, etc. Both partners are senior to me by about 10 years. One male, one female. Well the female is a very very type A personality and her aggressiveness is overall an asset to the team. The problem is in her dealings with everyone else including our two female staff. She has a very negative attitued in general and has even said things like, "How can I have a positive attitude when everything is always screwed up?" This often - and even more often lately - leads her to take out frustrations on others by dealing with things with a pretty hostile tone. My other partner and I generally just ignored it because we realize she isn't being hostile TOWARDS us though it is getting very old and isn't fun to interact that way. Well, our primary assistant this week brough up the fact that she "didn't feel like she was fitting in with the team." When we boiled down the issue yesterday it's basically that she feels like she is being belittled by the female senior partner (and rightfully so). We all end up hashing it out and letting her know that we all dislike the constant anger and hostile way she deals with even miniscule issues. She's "stunned," crys a little, then begins wondering why "asking a question about something would be considered hostile." The conversation continues and eventually she jumps down my other partner's throat for making a suggestion about what she could do to ease some frustrations. He then points out that reaction is EXACTLY what we're talking about. She crys some more, says that all she can say is she'll try to do things differently, and tells us to leave her office as she has work to do (and is basically at a loss for words). None of us spoke to her again yesterday and she didn't come in today. In the past any time we've ever made suggestions we thought might help ease her frustrations it's always come back to someone else doing something wrong from her perspective. We didn't accept that this time and told her exactly how we felt. How would you react were it you? Just wondering what to expect on Monday... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isleseeya Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Monday will tell alot ...depending on how she comes in and with what kind of attitude may determine if she took some of the criticism constructively or if it just made her more bitter ...i do agree that Monday should be interesting good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 well, you would like to think someone would accept the feedback, look inward, do some self-retrospection, and then decide to be committed to making some changes to improve themselves. and then there's irish. i couldn't resist. i'm just joking!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
driveby Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Check with az. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Is she hawt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Is she hawt? Shoulda mentioned that earlier. No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 WIthin a larger company? Expect a call from HR Monday. And prepare to defend yourselves.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Shoulda mentioned that earlier. No. See if you can get her laid, even if it costs you some $$$$$$. That MAY fix her attitude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I'll do her. I really don't care what they look like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muck Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 1) Monday will be interesting. 2) You won't know if anything has REALLY changed until March or April at the earliest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 2) You won't know if anything has REALLY changed until March or April at the earliest. I don't expect anything to REALLY change. Simply acknowledging it and perhaps maybe stopping short of going over the line 1 out of 10 times would be awesome. It's either that or the other extreme and we end up parting ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 The conversation continues and eventually she jumps down my other partner's throat for making a suggestion about what she could do to ease some frustrations. WHAT exactly did the partner say, and was it of a, shall we say, sexual nature? If that's the case, you all might be in for a world of hurt. Legally, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 WIthin a larger company? Expect a call from HR Monday. And prepare to defend yourselves.. Very likely. And if she quits, expect a lawsuit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Some people complain about problems. Some people make strategy to minimize the problems. I prefer the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I'll do her. I really don't care what they look like. here ya go Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 here ya go Even Tim would need one of these -----> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 WHAT exactly did the partner say, and was it of a, shall we say, sexual nature? If that's the case, you all might be in for a world of hurt. Legally, of course. He said that he'd never had any problems with a particular report that she was complaining about always being wrong. She pointed at him with both fingers and yelled "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." It was a perfect example of exactly what we were talking about. Our assistant is female as well and she was there. Never to say never, but there is not even a thread of sexual harrasment in the whole situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 here ya go I'd laugh at her crying, tell her shut her pie hole and get to work. Which, coincidentally, is the same thing I'd say to AC's co-worker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 He said that he'd never had any problems with a particular report that she was complaining about always being wrong. She pointed at him with both fingers and yelled "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." It was a perfect example of exactly what we were talking about.Our assistant is female as well and she was there. Never to say never, but there is not even a thread of sexual harrasment in the whole situation. That's good. Sounds like she has some issues, and FWIW sounds like you guys needed to say something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 See if you can get her laid, even if it costs you some $$$$$$. That MAY fix her attitude I'll do it just kidding honey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeeman Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) How well do you (or anyone else) really know her personal situation? Maybe her meds are screwed up, and she needs to talk to her doctor - no joke. Maybe Chargerz can back me up - or not - but is it possible she has a physical issue that requires some meds that literally mess with her personality? She may be aware of it, or she may not. Or it may be a lousy living situation at home, and she can't help but bring the stress/anger to work, and she needs counseling. Bottom line: she does not handle stress well - she was so incapacitated by it this morning, she couldn't even make to work. Her problems go much deeper than what you're seeing, no doubt, so you have a decision: 1) Force her to get outside help, and 'go all out' in trying to help her - prepare for many more hours of hand-holding, talking and tears; or... 2) Let her know its not working out, put her on some type of probation, with very clear improvement steps and consequences, including termination. Good luck with that.... Edited February 8, 2008 by Coffeeman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 How well do you (or anyone else) really know her personal situation? Maybe her meds are screwed up, and she needs to talk to her doctor - no joke. Maybe Chargerz can back me up - or not - but is it possible she has a physical issue that requires some meds that literally mess with her personality? She may be aware of it, or she may not. Or it may be a lousy living situation at home, and she can't help but bring the stress/anger to work, and she needs counseling. Bottom line: she does not handle stress well - she was so incapacitated by it this morning, she couldn't even make to work. Her problems go much deeper than what you're seeing, no doubt, so you have a decision: 1) Force her to get outside help, and 'go all out' in trying to help her - prepare for many more hours of hand-holding, talking and tears; or... 2) Let her know its not working out, put her on some type of probation, with very clear improvement steps and consequences, including termination. Good luck with that.... Yes she has definite issues that we are aware of. I know she takes some meds and from time to time it does seem that they are screwed up. She's also openly seeing a shrink a couple of times a month - maybe even two and has been for years. She's hostile with/about her family from time to time too. I also know that her father was murdered by her stepmother when she was a teenager which certainly has some lasting effects. Perhaps her way of dealing with any/all adversity ties back to the fact that she always feels like she's a victim and instead she makes people around her victims unintentionally. I don't think she's ever gotten the in your face reflective feedback she got yesterday so who knows how it will pan out. Either the defense mechanism goes back up and we're back where we started or we can work down a long path of trying to get along better. At the core I truly feel she's a good person but outwardly the biachyness ain't working any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Whoa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 well, you would like to think someone would accept the feedback, look inward, do some self-retrospection, and then decide to be committed to making some changes to improve themselves. and then there's irish. i couldn't resist. i'm just joking!!!!!! As soon as I read AC's post, I had a feeling one of my fans was going to mention my name in this thread. I just didn't think it would be the 3rd post in. Nice Job Mr. T. I know resisting the urge to start a bash session is difficult, even if it's followed up with a I'm just joking as well!!!!! By the way AC, let us know what happens on Monday. This could get interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMD Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 My bet is that she will do one of three things: 1. Act like nothing happened and remain the same. 2. Go overboard and quit because you are all such stupid pigs (insert her insults of choice). 3. Say that she has seen the light and will try to be better and then she will remain largely the same. People are who they are and few in that situation are going to change the basic nature of their personality. It would be easier for her to reason how it is your problem and not hers. And that isn't limited to the female gender either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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