whomper Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 (edited) I have a strange situation for the huddle to chew on. We have new neighbors that moved in about 10 months ago . They live right next door to me. My family and their family have hit it off bigtime. They have 2 kids. A daughter that is 5 and a baby boy. My daughters absolutely love their daughter , especially my 6 year old. I have to say as a parent with 2 little kids I have seen a ton of my kids friends come in and out of my house over the years and this kid is one of my absolute favorites. Very sweet and polite, she has great manners and gets along so well with my girls. we rarely ever hear the kids get into any fights. They play very well together. Here comes the strange twist. I'll start out off the bat by saying that this kid is always going to be welcome in my house. The problem is that she is pigeon toed and it is a pretty bad case of it. That we dont really care about. We never mention it and my girls would never mention it or may not have even noticed it. The issue is that she is constantly falling. She is a very active kid that loves to jump and run around with my girls but in the process she falls at an alarming rate. If you were too sit and watch her run around in my yard with my girls in the span of 10 minutes she would fall 3-5 times. My wife took her to the park last week and when she got home she said it was unbelievable how many times this kid ended up on the ground. My wife and I would not mention the condition itself to her parents because that is none of our business but after the park trip my wife said to the mother respectfully that her daughter fell many times. The mom just shrugged it off and said that the kid was clumsy. I dont really knwo anything about this condition. I have seen children younger than her with braces on their legs. I am not sure if it is something that can be treated with a brace or if you have to wait until they hit a certain age. We feel funny saying anything to her parents because it is not our place. When i have children over my house my wife and I take their safety very seriously. We are very responsible when it comes to watching other peoples kids and I am concerned that this kid is really going to get hurt one day while we are watching her and I would really hate to see that happen. What do you think of all of this ? We really enjoy hanging out with the parents and as I said the kids adore each other. My kids are at their house a lot too. They are inseperable and we are very happy about how much the kids get along. It is just one near miss after the next though when you watch these kids play and it is very nerve racking. How would you handle this ? Edited July 13, 2009 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 (edited) Gotta assume the kid goes to a pediatrician. Maybe the family can't afford the options they've been given, or maybe the Doc's see something that leads them to believe everything will work out fine. I don't think it's your place to say anything. If you're concerned for your daughter's safety (which I think based on what I've read would be an over-reaction on your part), you have to make that your number one priority even if it means not allowing the kids to play together anymore. Edited July 13, 2009 by Hugh 0ne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffraff Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Let it be. Some kids aren't good at math; others don't speak well. Some can't sing; others can't dance. This one isn't an athlete. So be it. Can't get a brace for every thing a kid can't do well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Gotta assume the kid goes to a pediatrician. Maybe the family can't afford the options they've been given, or maybe the Doc's see something that leads them to believe everything will work out fine. I don't think it's your place to say anything. If you're concerned for your daughter's safety (which I think based on what I've read would be an over-reaction on your part), you have to make that your number one priority even if it means not allowing the kids to play together anymore. Im not concerned about my kids safety with her. I am concerned about hers. I have seen her near miss the coffe table with her head a few times and face plant in the yard as well. Im just afraid she is going to get really hurt while we are watching her one day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Boy, that's a tough one. Here's what you do: Invite the whole family over for a BBQ. When she falls down, casually say something like: "Man, it seems like she falls alot when the girls are playing." See what her parents say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Boy, that's a tough one. Here's what you do: Invite the whole family over for a BBQ. When she falls down, casually say something like: "Man, it seems like she falls alot when the girls are playing." See what her parents say. Read much? My wife and I would not mention the condition itself to her parents because that is none of our business but after the park trip my wife said to the mother respectfully that her daughter fell many times. The mom just shrugged it off and said that the kid was clumsy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 While you would likely not be held personally or legally responsible for any injury that happened to her, I'd definitely make sure my home owner's insurance was up-to-date and covers injuries. Good point. Plus, you have this thread you could always show the authorities in case you get sued. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
posty Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Give me their email address, I will tell them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Gotta assume the kid goes to a pediatrician. Maybe the family can't afford the options they've been given, or maybe the Doc's see something that leads them to believe everything will work out fine. I don't think it's your place to say anything. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 if the families get along great, i don't see why bringing it up would be a big deal ... you just say "hey, i noticed sally's feet seem to turn inward like they are pigeon-toed. have you guys had that checked out before?" i can't imagine how that would offend anyone and i can't imagine how the family would not have already been dealing with this. one concerned parent talking to another ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Read much? I meant to say, since you already mentioned it after the park trip, maybe you should have a BBQ and bring it up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I meant to say, since you already mentioned it after the park trip, maybe you should have a BBQ and bring it up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isleseeya Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Whomp it seems that there is a friendship there with your neighbors and i would assume a level of comfort Honesty is the best I would simply speak to her parents and admit that you are concerned not so much for their daughter getting hurt in your house but their daughter getting hurt period its obvious you are sincere that you dont want to see there daughter get hurt anywhere let alone your house so i would speak openly and honestly with them Something to the effect " I noticed your daughter falling alot when she is playing with my girls and i hate to see her get hurt " .." is there anything that can be done to help her avoid this " or " is this something you notice as well and is there anything wrong " True friendship should always be able to handle the truth as long as it comes from the heart with no malice Good luck bro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Whatever happened to the good ole MYOB? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Whatever happened to the good ole MYOB? That is exactly what we are doing but wouldnt you agree it becomes my business , to a point, when she spends a lot of time at my house ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I'd be very careful saying something Whomp...while your families get along great, it has only been 10 months, and you surely realize that you are in the "honeymoon" phase....and any small intrusion/remark could ruin what may be a budding friendship. Also, unless the girls parent are blind, they are fully aware her issue, and are perhaps already somewhat embarrassed (as evidenced by her mom casually dismissing your wife's comment),...they likely (1) are embarrassed they can't afford to help her financially to repair it, or (2) have been told by their doctor it will correct itself over time (which is the case with many children). Either way, if they can't/won't bring it up to you, you certainly shouldn't bring it up to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelap1 Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 If the kids going to fall down and get hurt, the kids going to fall down and get hurt, whether or not its in your house. And if it happens as much as you say, I’m sure the parents are well aware. Also, it sounds like you’re in good standing with the parents, so I highly doubt they’re going to hold you responsible if something unfortunate does happen while in your house. But if you can’t get past that, the only solution is to not let the kids play in your house anymore. I think confronting the parents about this kid’s deficiency will end badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Does she go to pre school ? The teacher may be able to handle the situation a little easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
satelliteoflovegm Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 g-zus dude, you will do anything to have a BBQ. Yeah seriously, keep trippsie away from the open flames Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muck Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 (edited) 1) Make sure you have insurance that would cover an accident at your house / in your yard / while in custody of you or your wife (i.e., at the park while her parents are elsewhere). You don't want to spend years of your life in court and/or financially devestated because you didn't do something like ask a few questions and/or call your insurance agent (take notes on your conversation, and file them away). 2) Discussing it with her parents in a direct, forthright ... yet caring ... manner may be a key aspect of minimizing any personal financial missteps here ... plus, they may find your perspective and/or assistance invaluable! If you end up going down this path, my suggestion would be to have empathy with her situation and either say something like, * "I feel so badly for Sally that she falls all the time. Does she ever get really hurt when she falls? I ask because I want her time with our kids to be as much fun as possible ... while being safe ... is there anything you don't want us to let her do while she's with us or over at our house?" ... or ... * "Bill...Nancy...we've really enjoyed this friendship with you and it's a blast to watch our kids playing together. Whompette and I would like to honor this friendship in the best way possible ... so, we were curious if you minded if we ask you a personal question? This is a little awkward, but we want to bring this up the fact that, while we're not doctors, we think that Sally is pigeon-toed; she falls often when she is over here. We know you are concerned about her, and because our kids love her, we love her and we are concerned about her, too. Is there anything we can do to help you be the parents that you want to be for Sally?" My personal bias is to go down path #2, but I'd probably not let this be the first "real friendship, serious conversation" you have with them ... maybe you could share a weakness of yours, or of your marriage, with them to let them know that you're vulnerable and real, and genuinely desire a meaningful friendship with them that is beyond the bounds of, "Hey, how about that game Monday night!?! Did you see that kickoff return?!" ... Not long after we moved back to KC, my wife and I were asked to intervene in a situation where some reasonably new friends of ours asked us to get involved in a situation where their oldest daughter was a run-away ... and without getting into a bunch of details, my wife and I jumped in with both feet and were very hands on for about two weeks ... and to this day (nearly five years later), they are some of the best friends we've ever had (as adults or kids) and they probably will be our friends for life. Why? Because we were real, genuine friends with them ... helping them to deal with the crap they were dealt. ...my thoughts only... Edited July 13, 2009 by muck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Solution: just get the kid drunk and she'll probably run like a fricken gazelle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 That is exactly what we are doing but wouldnt you agree it becomes my business , to a point, when she spends a lot of time at my house ? Is it the business of every family she visits/spends time with? Will this little girl's family have to discuss her fairly common pidgeon-toedness with every friend she ever has? Sorry, but I don't think it needs to be something that could potentially come between your families. Trust me, they are fully aware of her issue. Its a tough spot for you, but the best you can do is make sure your home is as safe as possible (the same way you would if your kids were friends with someone on crutches or some other ailment that could affect their coordination). Or, if you are genuinely worried you would be liable for an injury to her, the other route is to not allow her to play at your place at all....which is an exceptionally harsh alternative. Go a tad further....suppose you do ask her parents whats up, and they say "Yes, she does fall a lot, and its due to her being pigeon-toed...we have taken her to specialists, and they all feel she'll grow put of it in 2-3 years." Then what? You've put your relationship in a "wierd" spot, and really gained nothing, other than letting them know that you noticed her ailment and were bold enough to inquire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Is it the business of every family she visits/spends time with? Will this little girl's family have to discuss her fairly common pidgeon-toedness with every friend she ever has? i know if it were turned around and someone asked me about my kids, i wouldn't get mad about it. i'd be used to it and would just tell them what is going on and then move on. that way it's out there and doesn't need to be talked/wondered about anymore. i wouldn't think it would be a big deal. of course, i'm assuming the person is coming from a caring place vs. a condescending place, and i couldn't see whomp ever coming off that way (at least not in here ... ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 I'd be very careful saying something Whomp...while your families get along great, it has only been 10 months, and you surely realize that you are in the "honeymoon" phase....and any small intrusion/remark could ruin what may be a budding friendship. Also, unless the girls parent are blind, they are fully aware her issue, and are perhaps already somewhat embarrassed (as evidenced by her mom casually dismissing your wife's comment),...they likely (1) are embarrassed they can't afford to help her financially to repair it, or (2) have been told by their doctor it will correct itself over time (which is the case with many children). Either way, if they can't/won't bring it up to you, you certainly shouldn't bring it up to them. This is my thoughts exactly. We are pretty much going to ride it out and be as safe as possible . If the opportunity arises where we can casually talk about it then we will. It isnt that we are looking to pry or be busy bodies or anything. She is at my house every day and my kids treat her like a sister. I think if God forbid she ever got hurt here the parents would realize that the kid falls a lot and unless they are brain dead they know why. Thanks for the opinions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 One of my best friends has a severe case of this. There was some thing about being able to fix it by breaking the ankles and resetting them, but they had to wait for him to stop growing first. And at that point he had seen Misery and opted out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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