BiggieFries Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 So we now have a beautiful two week old girl in our house and everything is going as expected with her. No sleep for us, boobie milk every 2-3 hours, etc. The problem is with my 2.5 year old. He has regressed quite a bit since his little sister has come along. He was pretty much potty trained before she was born but now has regressed to pooping his pants again. He used to tell us when he had to go but that's gone now. It's happened 4 times since her birth. He's also waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our room, which forces us to have even less sleep and makes us even more irritable. He gets a certain look to him when he poops and we'll sit there asking him if he has to go and he says no every time, until we take him to the potty which is when we'll notice a "nugget" in his undies. Luckily he hasn't resorted to any form of physical harm to his new sister. He's actually very nice and gentle with her. He has also stopped doing what we say and ignores us more than before the baby was born. We did the usual things like getting him "big brother" presents whenever someone came over with a present for the new baby. We also spent quite a bit of time with him one on one when she was first born. We ask him what he's feeling or thinking about with regards to the baby and us, but he doesn't say much. We have also tried the "this will make mommy and daddy proud" thing as well as "you should be proud of yourself because you're doing something the baby can't" thing with meh results. We've gotten to the point where all we're doing is yelling at the poor kid, but I know that's not the right answer. I do think we've toned down the "one on one" time with him, however, and I think we need to bring it back. Should we be kicking the "one on one" time up even more? Should we be trying to get more words/drawings/smoke signals out of him regarding his feelings towards us and the baby? Do I need to make him go out into the yard and cut me "switch"? Should we just deal with the fact that my son will be this way for the foreseeable future and stock up on Tide? TIA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Lots on one on one time and also lots of having him interact with the baby. See if you can get him to help out with things for the baby and praise him heavily. Make him proud to be the "Big Brother". Our two are the same age difference, and we were lucky to not have too much regression. It is a major change for him as he is no longer center of the universe, but has to share that mantle now, but he needs to be made to feel that he is still every much as important as he was and is just as important as the baby. One thing that we did that worked was get our oldest a very nice toy that was from the baby when the baby came home. Obviously your baby is already at home, but make the big brother presents be presents from the baby, and it may help out. That or beatings..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 That or beatings..... This Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 somethun like this happens out at WCOFF when the regs get tagether i think seriously our daughter was #1 and 2 years older then the boy....nothin happened like what yer talkin bout, he was basically her doll and she took good care of'em.....maybe girls are just like that, be interesting ta see how this thread goes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 I remember that, it sucked and really pissed me and the wife off. You just have to find ways to pay more attention to him, and try to make him your little helper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grits and Shins Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Lots on one on one time and also lots of having him interact with the baby. See if you can get him to help out with things for the baby and praise him heavily. Make him proud to be the "Big Brother". Our two are the same age difference, and we were lucky to not have too much regression. It is a major change for him as he is no longer center of the universe, but has to share that mantle now, but he needs to be made to feel that he is still every much as important as he was and is just as important as the baby. One thing that we did that worked was get our oldest a very nice toy that was from the baby when the baby came home. Obviously your baby is already at home, but make the big brother presents be presents from the baby, and it may help out. That or beatings..... There is about the same age difference between my kids ... daughter born 8/1992, son born 3/1995. We never had any regression issues at all. But we made a concerted effort to make my daughter feel like she was an important part of the family as the big sister ... activity that started EVEN before my son was born. We even let my daughter choose my son's middle name (between two choices) ... and this made her feel VERY important. Then we tried to involve her in activities with her little brother ... allowing her to hold him and other such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprofessor Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Lots on one on one time and also lots of having him interact with the baby. See if you can get him to help out with things for the baby and praise him heavily. Make him proud to be the "Big Brother". Our two are the same age difference, and we were lucky to not have too much regression. It is a major change for him as he is no longer center of the universe, but has to share that mantle now, but he needs to be made to feel that he is still every much as important as he was and is just as important as the baby. One thing that we did that worked was get our oldest a very nice toy that was from the baby when the baby came home. Obviously your baby is already at home, but make the big brother presents be presents from the baby, and it may help out. That or beatings..... Great advice here by BC. While it has been years for me since I had kids I recently had my 2nd grandchild and have helped raise my fiirst grandson for the first 3 years. He is now 4. I have seen some of this with my 4 year old grandson. It is normal. It is a major change for the first child as he is used to having all the attention showered on him and now not only does he have to share that attention with someone new in the house but to "him" the new baby is getting all the attention. When this happens often times kids will act out to get the attention back. For your 2.5 year old it might be getting negative attention. He gets instant reaction and attention when he poops his pants so maybe that to him is how he knows he will get your attention. Also, the change in the dynamics of hiome with his new sibling might be really upsetting him inside and causing him to not control his bowel movements or his ability to communicate that with you? I would also suggest the same thing as BC did. Involve him in everything with the baby. Let him know how special he is and how special his relationship is with his new sister. I would also suggest that both you and your wife spend individual time just with him. He needs to be reassured that he's very important too. Take him on short "dates" to the park, to get ice cream, etc. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
posty Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Since your wife is breast feeding, why don't you suggest her pump some milk and put the milk in a bottle and have your other child help feed your young one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 I vote for beatings. Oh, and you're older one is pooping his pants for attention, once he's realizes she's here to stay, and once you get him to look his sibling via BC's suggestions, he'll be back to dumping where he's supposed to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted January 11, 2010 Author Share Posted January 11, 2010 Since your wife is breast feeding, why don't you suggest her pump some milk and put the milk in a bottle and have your other child help feed your young one? We've asked him if he'd like to feed her but he didn't seem too interested in it. Thanks for all the replies. I'll try the beatings, thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Wasn't it Bill Cosby that said if you only have one child, you're not really a parent yet. So many other issues to deal with when you have two. Anyways, let's just say you'd crap yerself once or ten time, Biggie, if your wife suddenly started breast-feeding someone else. Imagine the shock and horror as the bosoms are bouncing up and down and swaying side to side just bursting to get out of that purple laced camisole...what the hell am I talking about again? Oh yeah, lighten up on the little fella. Hell, we all crap ourselves once in awhile. Right? Give him a Budweiser and tell him welcome to adulthood, kid, it doesn't get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 This will definitely pass, but I told my son when his sister was born & he was still potty training that baby sister can't go to the potty because she can't walk yet, but you are big & strong & you can walk to the potty. He liked that comparison and would brag on himself everytime, saying look at me, I can walk to the potty & baby sister can't!! lol!! Yes, more one-on-one time is always good no matter what the age or circumstance. good luck to you & your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czarina Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 This kind of regression is totally normal. It is going to pass in time and the less you call attention to it being regressive and take it more as him expressing his need to still be "your baby" sometimes too the quicker it will pass. Continue to play up some of the cool things he can do because he's older -- definitely set aside your "guy time" and make sure that he's got some special mommy time too. He just needs to feel like he's not the odd man out. And I hate to say this, but you're going to get through this little bump only to have it crop up again when the baby becomes mobile and therefore a threat to his "stuff." Prepare accordingly. My kids are 4 years apart. By the time the little one was walking and reaching (1+) my older one was just over 5. He wrote on the top of his brand new dresser "NOT SAF SPOT" with a line so he'd remember how far back to push stuff from the edge. In marker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I think the problem is just "change" in general, at least it was when my son was around 2.5 My ex stayed home with him until he was 2 and we put him in a Montessori school, he was fully potty trained until he started at the school. He then reverted back to pooping in his pants for about 3-4 months, which the teachers assured us was typical for his age. After 3 months he was fine and it never happened again. My daughter is now 4.5 and she never had an issue with that and was the easiest kid to potty train ever, she was in undies before 3 and has never even wet her bed or undies. I know I have just given myself the kiss of death by saying that Good luck Biggie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 So we now have a beautiful two week old girl in our house and everything is going as expected with her. No sleep for us, boobie milk every 2-3 hours, etc. The problem is with my 2.5 year old. He has regressed quite a bit since his little sister has come along. He was pretty much potty trained before she was born but now has regressed to pooping his pants again. He used to tell us when he had to go but that's gone now. It's happened 4 times since her birth. He's also waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our room, which forces us to have even less sleep and makes us even more irritable. He gets a certain look to him when he poops and we'll sit there asking him if he has to go and he says no every time, until we take him to the potty which is when we'll notice a "nugget" in his undies. Luckily he hasn't resorted to any form of physical harm to his new sister. He's actually very nice and gentle with her. He has also stopped doing what we say and ignores us more than before the baby was born. We did the usual things like getting him "big brother" presents whenever someone came over with a present for the new baby. We also spent quite a bit of time with him one on one when she was first born. We ask him what he's feeling or thinking about with regards to the baby and us, but he doesn't say much. We have also tried the "this will make mommy and daddy proud" thing as well as "you should be proud of yourself because you're doing something the baby can't" thing with meh results. We've gotten to the point where all we're doing is yelling at the poor kid, but I know that's not the right answer. I do think we've toned down the "one on one" time with him, however, and I think we need to bring it back. Should we be kicking the "one on one" time up even more? Should we be trying to get more words/drawings/smoke signals out of him regarding his feelings towards us and the baby? Do I need to make him go out into the yard and cut me "switch"? Should we just deal with the fact that my son will be this way for the foreseeable future and stock up on Tide? TIA More of the bolded and NO MORE of the underlined. My daughter regressed a little when my son came along. It only lasted a short time. Spend lots of time with him and let him know how much he is helping with the baby. Also, he may not be able to express his feeling so you kinda need to do that for him . Are you upset that the baby is here? Would it make you feel better if we spent more time together? etc. Hang in there, it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Kids love their mommies. And when a new baby comes along, the baby takes mommy away because of all the attention it requires. When our second baby came, we had some of the same issues, but our answer was to make sure we spent A LOT of one on one time with the first child. I know you guys are tired, but make sure BOTH of you are giving him attention. It may be as simple as reading him a book or watching cartoons while the baby is asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Wasn't it Bill Cosby that said if you only have one child, you're not really a parent yet. So many other issues to deal with when you have two. I'd put the bar at 3+ kids when you really become a parent. With one or two, there is still (usually) at least a 1:1 ratio of parents to kids. At 3+, the kids get the upper hand. As far as the regression, it will pass. We was lucky to have 3 kids within about 2 years so there wasn't much regression. The oldest just expected a new brother to come around his birthday every year... My wife watches 2 additional kids. When the 2nd one was born, the other was 2 1/2 and had the same regression, not just with accidents but also with mannerisms. It lasted about a month before he realized she wasn't going anywhere. Having him "help" with the care of his sister as well as acting as a big brother seemed to help coax him back from his regression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for all the advice! You guys are the best! Last night when I came home my wife said that he was an absolute nightmare. So instead of "laying down the law" when I got home I got really excited to see him, didn't acknowledge the fact that he was a demon on wheels for my wife and took him to play with a train set he loves at Barnes and Nobles. He was a very good boy. No accidents or anything. This morning he got up later than usual and actually told us that he had to poop BEFORE he crapped his pants! I think we made a little bit of progress. Tonight my wife is taking the little guy out to do something just the two of them. Thanks again for all the help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for all the advice! You guys are the best! Last night when I came home my wife said that he was an absolute nightmare. So instead of "laying down the law" when I got home I got really excited to see him, didn't acknowledge the fact that he was a demon on wheels for my wife and took him to play with a train set he loves at Barnes and Nobles. He was a very good boy. No accidents or anything. This morning he got up later than usual and actually told us that he had to poop BEFORE he crapped his pants! I think we made a little bit of progress. Tonight my wife is taking the little guy out to do something just the two of them. Thanks again for all the help! Good to hear. One more piece of advice. Change the PIc hear in the huddle to a both children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 By the time the little one was walking and reaching (1+) my older one was just over 5. He wrote on the top of his brand new dresser "NOT SAF SPOT" with a line so he'd remember how far back to push stuff from the edge. In marker. This made me laugh! When my little sister was about 5 or 6, she got SO excited about perfecting her writing skills that she went around labeling things one afternoon.....in marker. Not a good day for my parents. I'm impressed! You guys rock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 Good to hear. One more piece of advice. Change the PIc hear in the huddle to a both children. Done and done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 my dad threw me fierce beating when i was growing up...the beatings that would prob get him arrested now a days. i turned out fine and i see no problems with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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