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The Irish Doggy

Dumb things overheard at the office

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I don't know how to attach two files to one email.

 

 

When were you in my office?

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From my department secretary yesterday: "Hey, wiegie, do you remember how you were complaining about the coffee not being any good earlier this week? Well, it seems that the last person who worked on the coffee machine actually switched the tubes around such that the decaf coffee was coming out when you pushed the regular coffee button and vice-versa. That could explain why your coffee wasn't any good."

 

:wacko:

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"We have to put it into Production first before we can test it"

-software developer

Edited by tosberg34

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Back when I bartended, we had a new waitress...Rhodes scholar....very book smart...21 yrs old. She came up to the bar to retrieve the drinks she ordered for a two top.

 

"Which one is the Strawberry Daiquiri and which is the vodka tonic?" :wacko: Really??

 

Her excuse....."Well.....I don't drink." OK....I'm cool with that....but you DO know a strawberry is red....right? :tup:

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Back when I bartended, we had a new waitress...Rhodes scholar....very book smart...21 yrs old. She came up to the bar to retrieve the drinks she ordered for a two top.

 

"Which one is the Strawberry Daiquiri and which is the vodka tonic?" :wacko: Really??

 

Her excuse....."Well.....I don't drink." OK....I'm cool with that....but you DO know a strawberry is red....right? :tup:

 

 

:lol: I had a waitress a few months back that didnt know the difference between a lemon and a lime

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"Hey this CD Rom drive makes a great coffee cup holder"

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"We have to put it into Production first before we can test it"

-software developer

 

:wacko:

 

 

:tup:

 

 

:lol:

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"Look at all these projects I'm working on. They could never get rid of me."

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"We have to put it into Production first before we can test it"

-software developer

That sounds very similar to " We have to pass it before we can find out what's in it"...

-Brilliant

Edited by millerx

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"Hey this CD Rom drive makes a great coffee cup holder"

Very old helpdesk joke/story. Kinda like the old "where's the 'any key'-?" bit.

 

Best (or worst?) I can think of offhand: "the trouble with this project is we have too many problems!" (followed by barely polite laughter)

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As many of you know, I'm a production engineer for an oil and gas company so one of my jobs includes designing pumping systems for oil wells. Anyways, I got this from my pumpjack purchaser the other day after discussing the complexity of my design. She's great at her job but tends to speak before she thinks.

 

"How hard is it? .... Seriously? But really, all you gotta do is throw the jack down, stroke it up and down for a while and then the fluid shoots out.."

 

Took all of about 2 seconds before I cracked up.

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As many of you know, I'm a production engineer for an oil and gas company so one of my jobs includes designing pumping systems for oil wells. Anyways, I got this from my pumpjack purchaser the other day after discussing the complexity of my design. She's great at her job but tends to speak before she thinks.

 

"How hard is it? .... Seriously? But really, all you gotta do is throw the jack down, stroke it up and down for a while and then the fluid shoots out.."

 

Took all of about 2 seconds before I cracked up.

:wacko:

nice

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:wacko: I had a waitress a few months back that didnt know the difference between a lemon and a lime

 

One of my stupid bartending jokes is 'Do you want a lime with that?' (yes) 'Those are the green lemons, right?'

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Why won't this DVD play in my CD drive?

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New Sales VP in the media room by himself: [muttering] "Copy... Where's copy?.... Copy.... Where's copy?.... Copy.... Copy..." [/muttering]

 

Irish Doggy passing by :wacko: : "What are you trying to do?"

 

New Sales VP: "Make a copy."

 

Irish Doggy: "Try the copy machine."

 

New Sales VP: "Oh, I thought that's what this was."

 

Irish Doggy: "No, that's just a printer."

 

 

---------------

 

 

Irish Doggy: "This run is four hundredths of an inch off the reference sample."

 

Vendor: "Well, point zero zero four should still be OK. It is was point zero four, we'd have a problem."

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"I don't know, try rebooting."

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Employee: Is there any way I can have flexible hours?

 

Boss: Sure - come in anytime before 8 and leave anytime after 5.

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One of my employees was out on short term disability. Because of this, I was not allowed to contact her at all (violation of HR rules and could lead to a lawsuit).

 

One day, one month in to her absence, my CEO asked when she'd be back. I told her another month or so and she started making a scene, saying it wasn't good enough an answer, that I was too "loose as a manager" and that I "should have been on top of, behind, and underneath" this girl!

 

As if this wasn't bad enough, she insisted that I give her this girl's cell so she needed could call her. When I explained that she had to go thru HR for legal purposes and to protect the company she got in my face and said, "I don't NEED protection...I am a f*cking officer of this company...and I ask NO ONE for permission to do anything."

 

It gets better! I wanted to belt this woman but little did we both know the CEO and President (two separate men) were walking up behind her and had witnessed the whole thing. The CEO said "We know. That's why we're letting you go. Now get your ass the hell out of my company!"

 

:wacko::tup::lol:

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I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this in other threads before, but the dumbest thing I've ever had to say (on a regular basis, no less)...

 

"OK... right click on cell B17. No, right click. Right click. You're other right."

 

Respectfully Submitted,

 

A Software Trainer

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I was at my friend's wine shop when two ladies came in looking for a wine, "Whose name started with 'A'". That's all they had. Both he and I were trying to ply them for anything and that's all they had. That it started with 'A'.

 

"if I spelled the name out, would you recognize it?"

 

"Nope, but it was really good. It was red."

 

:wacko:

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Not really dumb, but I found it kind of funny. If you keep screwing up I'm going to promote you to customer.

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I work in IT, so I touch everyones computer at some point. I noticed some dudes werent washing their hands after pissing, so I put up some signs that say "Employees must wash hands before returning to work". Below that I added, "Seriously, it's gross if you dont". It got the office making jokes, but for the most part seemed to be effective. I was talking about it with one guy as another guy (who oddly enough was one of the people I noticed not washing their hands) walks up and jumps in and says, "You think we need to wash hands even if its just going in to take a quick pee?".

My answer: "Umm... Really? Do you want me rubbing my balls all over your keyboard?" He chuckled, and walked away. He has since been washing his hands the few times I have been in there at the same time.

 

I find it pretty disgusting that grown men question if they should be washing their hands after pissing, especially in a work environment.

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I find it pretty disgusting that grown men question if they should be washing their hands after pissing, especially in a work environment.

 

In my office the most I see is a 2 second rinse of like 3 fingers. I keep hand sanitizer in my desk.

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