Random drug testing your teenagers

[detlef]

OK, so let's just say you play the whole "you might get tested and lose a job" line. However, isn't that what being 15-18 is all about, screwing up and getting it over with? So your kid flunks a drug test for some job. BFD, he's a freaking kid. If he has any brains at all, he's going to realize the consequences and go about things a different way next time. In the meantime, he got one screw up out of his system before it really mattered.

 

When I was that age, I screwed around, got in trouble, lost a job or two, and all the while figured out what you could and couldn't get away with with in the big world. So, by the time I was in my 20s, I was bailing out all my friends who'd been pistol whipped by their parents in their teens and were now running around like a-holes the second they stepped foot out their door. They were making all the stupid mistakes I made when I was 15, only they had rent to pay.

 

Most of the people I knew in my 20s who were pretty together were stoners early on and just got tired of it. The total screw ups had all gone crazy the second they left the homes of over-controlling parents.

 

The story my dad always gave me was, "Listen, there's a ton of things that I used to get away with that you simply won't be able to. There were just less people around so your chances of getting caught were much smaller. I'm not going to lie to you, I screwed around plenty. I'm just telling you that, unfair as it might be, you simply can't. Or at least, you're going to get in trouble if you do. If you're lucky, it will be by me and not the cops."

[theeohiostate]

The story my dad always gave me was, "Listen, there's a ton of things that I used to get away with that you simply won't be able to. There were just less people around so your chances of getting caught were much smaller. I'm not going to lie to you, I screwed around plenty. I'm just telling you that, unfair as it might be, you simply can't. Or at least, you're going to get in trouble if you do. If you're lucky, it will be by me and not the cops."

 

 

 

Can i use this

[detlef]

Can i use this

I'm pretty much sure it will continue to be true for generations to come. Well, until we all blow each other up and start over.

[Footballjoe]

if the only evidence is a bag found by the mailbox I would not over react or test anyone. I am assuming the mailbox is at the street. This could very well be your kids that they dropped or could belong to anyone else. I would however talk to them about it and watch very closer who they associate with. If I had hard proof that they were smoking I would not hesitate to drug test them now or anytime in the future. You are the parent and you are responsible for there well being. Just my 2 cents

Edited November 27, 2007 by Footballjoe

[billay]

Pot doesn't just end up in your mailbox by accident. Of course it's theirs. Just be straight with them. If they are having it dropped off in the mailbox at home, odds are they are doing other stupid stuff too. No offense. If you smoked it as a kid, tell them so, but also tell them how to use it, when, and what your rules about it are going to be. If that's not at all, you need to explain why.

[Big John]

Your a hardliner like myself, but my wife wants to be more diplomatic.

 

Good points from everyone. I have talk extensively with them about sex, drugs etc. The problem is, with most kids, it goes in one ear and out the other, they have no idea I use to be young . As far as the trust issue, I need to be able to trust them, regardless of their feelings towards me, this is their life I'm responsible for and I don't think most kids have a clue about their future or what effects they can have on it now.

First a less that pristine bedroom, then this?

 

Not a parent so I have no advice to offer.

[HowboutthemCowboys]

I think that if you "puffed the dragon" when you were younger, and/or spent any time around it at all, it should be obvious to you if they're doing it or not. It's pretty easy to tell. Trust your gut, you don't need a test.

[seminoles]

Just give me your address, i'll find out as much as possible from them and if they are smoking Josh Gordon, i'll kick the Athenae out of them. Does that work?

[untateve]

Just give me your address, i'll find out as much as possible from them and if they are smoking Josh Gordon, i'll kick the Athenae out of them. Does that work?

 

seminoles = man of action

[Clubfoothead]

I was smoking wedd 15-20 years ago. Never heard it called puffing the dragon. I do; however, claim to have coined the phrase "wake and bake" although people have claimed it was being used before I was ever born.

 

If all you are worried about is their smoking Josh Gordon, I don't see what the need for random drug testing would be worth the cost. I don't think the random testing would be a deterrent if they are already aware of the consequences of being busted and are smoking pot anyways. I look back on me at age 15 and 16 and I can promise you random drug testing by my parents would have prevented nothing and only escalated the natural tension between teens and their parents anyways.

 

If the worst thing you have to worry about with 15 and 16 year old boys is their smoking a little Josh Gordon, pat yourself on the back.

 

Whatever you do, don't get seminoles' ass kicked by telling him where your boys are.

[whomper]

Leave 6 bags of Doritos out on the table and go to bed..When you wake up

 

1-2 bags gone =

3-4 bags gone=

5-6 bags gone=

Edited November 27, 2007 by whomper

[major-tom]

I think that if you "puffed the dragon" when you were younger, and/or spent any time around it at all, it should be obvious to you if they're doing it or not. It's pretty easy to tell. Trust your gut, you don't need a test.

 

Good advice here.

[The Holy Roller]

Throw the biggest, most outlandish, furniture-breaking, window bashing fit ever! Shoot the neighbors cat! Set something on fire! And tell them both if you EVER even suspect they are smoking pot you go so far nuts they will be cleaning up body parts with a snow shovel when you are done.

 

 

 

 

 

That is what I wish I had done 9 years ago with my oldest son when I saw him hanging out with the potheads. He is 25 now and has spent the last 5 years lying, stealing, and breaking my heart over his harmless habit. Last summer he got busted stealing and I let him sit in jail 10 days before bailing him out. He has been going to AA and NA since June and his life has been completely turned around. And all because I was trying to "reason" with him and "educate" him instead of busting his azz and dropping the hammer on him. And my boy is one of the lucky ones. Another one in that group is dead, one is paralyzed from a fall off a tower he was climbing while high, several others are in/out of jail. Don't let drugs into your children. No matter what.

 

My 2 cents.

[Dragon]

This is a serious issue. My only advice is talk to them, but be prepared to listen as well. Be honest, open, and up front about your suspicions, your expectations, your rules and the consequences should they not live up to your rules. Be prepared to follow through on enforcing the consequences.

[TheGrunt]

Leave 6 bags of Doritos out on the table and go to bed..When you wake up

 

1-2 bags gone =

3-4 bags gone=

5-6 bags gone=

[muck]

The answer to your question depends qutie a bit on how you chose to confront them the first 15/16 years of their lives.

 

If direct, and it worked ... be direct. You're probably a pretty good parent.

 

If direct, and it didn't work ... do something different. You're probably too heavy handed.

 

If passive, and it worked ... be more passive. You're probably a good parent.

 

If passive, and it didn't work ... do something different. You're probably too soft.

[The Holy Roller]

The answer to your question depends qutie a bit on how you chose to confront them the first 15/16 years of their lives.

 

If direct, and it worked ... be direct. You're probably a pretty good parent.

 

If direct, and it didn't work ... do something different. You're probably too heavy handed.

 

If passive, and it worked ... be more passive. You're probably a good parent.

 

If passive, and it didn't work ... do something different. You're probably too soft.

 

Or...

 

Find out who they're getting their junk from and go put a cap in his azz.

[RFFL Chump]

Not to start a fight or anything else, but isn't it still illegal to use pot in the US .

 

We hammer people on this board about drinking and driving and getting all liquored up, but with pot it's......well let's just tell them it may be bad when they go for a job interview and have to pass a drug test.

 

Be honest with your kids, tell them it's illegal (just like booze). Tell them you suspect they are doing it and want to help any way you can.

BE HONEST WITH THEM. It's always the best course of action.

 

Oh, and I have sons that are 18 and 15 and have had this talk..............

[TimC]

Whatever happened to the good ole days of Dad saying "I catch you doing that and I'll kill you."

 

Parents are all touchy-feely nowadays. The only time my Dad touched me was to beat my ass...and I'm a better person for it. Locking me in a closet and playing Lawrence Welk music all day and night might've been a bit harsh but at least I couldn't smoke the wacky Josh Gordon.

 

Go outside, get a switch and start swinging. Watch yer kids straighten out instantly. Keep the phone away from them though. The little bass turds are trained to call 9-1-1 nowadays.

 

Oh, and PM me for any babysitting gigs.

Edited November 27, 2007 by TimC

[The Irish Doggy]

I think its best to just monitor them a bit more closely in the near future. Randomly come home from work early a couple times to see if they are doing it right after school... Be sure to stay up and say good night when they come home on Friday nights... Unless you actually catch them high or find it in the laundry (and they deny it again), Its probably not time to proceed to testing IMO.

[AtomicCEO]

Be honest with your kids, tell them it's illegal (just like booze). Tell them you suspect they are doing it and want to help any way you can.

BE HONEST WITH THEM. It's always the best course of action.

 

Only if you never go a mph over the speed limit, always come to a complete stop when making a right on red, and you have a city permit for your swingset in the backyard.

 

The minute you start putting any kind of qualification on your "don't do it if it's illegal" argument... it goes right out the window, and then you'll have to rely on them to make their own moral decisions instead of letting the government do it for them.

 

All in all, it's probably better to try to teach your kid to make good decisions than to follow the letter of every law.

Edited November 27, 2007 by AtomicCEO

[TimC]

"Legality" usually involves how much money the Local, State, Federal Gubment can make off it.

[Yukon Cornelius]

Lying to your kids to try and catch them in a lie? Sounds to me like you're opening up another can of worms.

 

What's wrong with having an honest discussion about the issue?

wurd that is the way to go

[untateve]

My kids are 8 and 11. I've already started talking to them about drugs. I shown them youtube vids of janis joplin and jimi hendrix and explained how they died. Right now, I still have "all knowing god status" in my boys' view of me.

 

As they get older, they will know that if they ever drink/drug and drive or get into a car with someone who drinks/drugs and drives, they will have no driver's license so long as I am in anyway financially responsible for them. They will also know if they call me to come get them, we will have a conversation, but life as they know it will continue for them.

 

There will be consequences fo them if they get high and I find out. I've already told my wife that the first time one of my sons comes home late with very clear eyes and breath that smells of mint, the schit hits the fan.

 

However, bottom line, I can (and will) continue to educate them and prepare them for the "real world", but at some point, they are going to experiment. 99% of us did and we're still here and doing fine. I'm just not going to make it easy.

[untateve]

There is another line of thought on drug testing your kids and this was actually told to me by a teen ager. Her mother drug tested her on a regular basis and she was fine with it. She said that by her mother doing this, it was easy for her to turn down drugs when offered by peers without getting schit from them. All she had to say was that her mother routinely drug tested her and her friends understood why she wouldn't use drugs.