McBoog Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 In THIS THREAD ("WIDE RIGHT") I posted one of the oldest, but if set up right, best "football jokes" of all time! I catch somebody with this EVERY YEAR and have been telling it for 30 years now. I was thinking about this and wondered what you all remember as great football comedy. It can be anything from a joke, gag or real life event that just plain old makes ya laugh (please exclude ANYTHING written by Ugly Tuna... It just isn't funny anymore). Besides the above "joke", here are a few of my favorites. - We played a 3-4 in High School and had the biggest meanest nose tackle you ever did see (blew a knee in our championship game and never played again ). Our match up in the semi was against a team better than either of the two we would face in the final, and really needed that game. Someone, and I claim "plausible deniability" (though I have always been a good photographer ) snuck a couple pictures of this guys NEKKED girlfriend in his cleats. He had some rage and anger issues anyway, and needless to say, was practically a one man show! We won, 31 - 8. The offense gave up an INT / TD (they tried a 2-point conversion and Sam blew that play up too) and took a safety on the last play of the game with the 2nd stringers finishing it out. Problem was, he was still pissed when he got off the field and wouldn't talk to any of us for three days (until he realized why "they" did it). Special Teams seem to get more than their fair share. Here are my two favorites! - Garo Yepremian's "pass" in Super Bowl VII. Dolphins 14 Redskins 7 Washington's only touchdown came with 2:07 left in the game and resulted from a misplayed field-goal attempt and fumble by Garo Yepremian, with the Redskins' Mike Bass picking the ball out of the air and running 49 yards for the score. That was pretty comical! -Leon Lett's FUMBLE on Thanksgiving against the Dolphins. "That's the play that always sticks out in my mind," Lett said. "The funny part is, I was having one of my best games ever as a Cowboy. I really think that was the day I arrived in the NFL. I was dominating people. But, of course, all anybody remembers is that play. I can laugh about it now. We ended up winning the Super Bowl [that year], so it doesn't look that bad today." and of course... -Jim Marshal running the wrong way for a safety (Vike's fans???)! I think it had to play out like this as the play progressed for the Viking Faithful... "FUMBLE, Marshal picks it up..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengal Mania Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Cincinnati Bengals, 1991 - 2002 A "tragic" comedy counts, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menudo Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 In high school, we had a RB with unbelievable talent. He was about 6-1, 220 and could run. I'm not sure what his 40 time was but he was a man amongst boys out there. However, he was also very dumb and a badass who was always in trouble. Since school, he has spent his life in and out of jail. During our senior year, we ended up going a modest 5-5. The RB I mentioned played in 5 of those games and was suspended in the others. Of course we won the 5 he played. Though this guy was pretty stupid, we all were somewhat afraid of him, so he thought he could stand up an make speeches. Some of his bests were "When you hit'em, get'em", "Hit them so hard that they turn to grissle sticks" ???????, I wish I could remember more, they were all stupid, but all funny. However, my all-time favorite, was when we were lined up to punt (he was the punter) and we called, IN THE HUDDLE, fake punt right, in which he was to take the snap and go to the right. Well, the ball is snapped and the blocking is setup perfectly on the right. This guy takes off running to the left. When I came up to him and asked why he went to the left (I figured he just didn't know left from right), he told me with a completely straight face, "Well, Sometimes, you have to try to fake him out !!!" Sorry if that bored anyone, but it still makes me laugh to this day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skrappy1 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Do press conferences count? I still love anything said by Jim Mora Sr...most notably the "PLAYOFFS?!?!" bit. "We couldn't do diddly-poo. We suck. We SUCK!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Do press conferences count? I still love anything said by Jim Mora Sr...most notably the "PLAYOFFS?!?!" bit. "We couldn't do diddly-poo. We suck. We SUCK!" 654718[/snapback] Does anyone have links to these still? If anyone can find them, I'll make a permanent archive of them on my website. They are sooooo funny... One of my favorite personal football stories: I used to direct the local access productions of our HS football games. It was no single VHS production either... we had a nice 4 camera system, a switcher, and a live link to the cable station. Fun stuff. We brought in a friend of mine to do color commentary, despite the fact that he had no experience. He made a number of weird comments, but my favorite was: (In reaction to a game that was 0-0 late in the third quarter) "Boy, the score really doesn't reflect how close this game actually is!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyeaglesfly Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 DORK 654745[/snapback] I don't know, the AV guys got all the hot chicks in my H.S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengal Mania Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 The "You don't leave in Cleveland, you live in Cincinnati" announcement by Sam Wyche over the PA system in the middle of a game is considered a classic in these parts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skrappy1 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Does anyone have links to these still? If anyone can find them, I'll make a permanent archive of them on my website. They are sooooo funny... 654738[/snapback] I looked and couldn't find the raw audio or video anywhere, but I found a couple of links that have some highlights set to music that are pretty funny. This first one has Peyton Manning responding to Mora's comments along with the actual comments mixed in...it has the song "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" playing in the background, it's pretty good. www.markpatrick.com/mp3's/mpos/Peyton%20Responds%20to%20Jim%20Mora.wma This is another one of some of Mora's bests set to background music: www.czabe.com/backup/2003/Volume%205/nomora.mp3 An this one is just a short 5 second clip of the "Playoffs?!?! " bit: www.czabe.com/backup/Vol3_jan18/mora_tirade_clip5_playoffs.mp3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forever in debt to mo lewis Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 ahah I have so many i could share but ill go with this one i was in like 6th or 7th grade at the time but there is a local sports radio personality here in RI...who was born in Pittsburgh and is a diehard Steelers fan...he can be seen on New England Sports Tonight..for those familiar with the show...well he played his high school ball here in RI...was an all state lineman..eventually played at URI(he lists his greatest accomplishment as pancacking Darren Sharper)...well he was in the same class in high school as some of my friends brothers( i have since asked some of them to confirm this and they did)..he was a tackle and also the kickoff specialist...well our high schools home uniforms are identical to Penn States...well legend has it..on an opening kickoff...he made a boom boom in his pants as he kicked the ball..then had to go to the sidelines and get the keys to the lockerrom to change them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarge5121976 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Reporter - when are you gonna write that check Randy ? Moss - when you're rich you don't write checks. Reporter - how are you gonna pay ? Moss - straight cash, homey. Reporter - are you upset about the fine ? Moss - no, maybe next time I'll shake my dick @ them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonehand Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 How about The Longest Yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rattsass Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 How about The Longest Yard. 654976[/snapback] North Dallas Forty Coach Johnson: "This is national TV. So don't pick your noses or scratch your nuts" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMD Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 About the funniest thing I have seen in a football game came when I was coaching pewee football. We faced a team that was much bigger than us and their noseguard was just teeing off on my center every play. I had to move the team to a shotgun just so the QB could get the ball without the center crashing into him. But the center was getting rattled and every snap in the shotgun had the snap arcing higher and higher to the QB. On fourth down we had to punt and when the snapper hiked it to the punter, he snapped it up almost straight up into the air. It was seriously about 20 feet high. By the time the ball was finally coming down to the punter, he realized that the defense was already broken through the line and were literally circling around him waiting to cream him as soon as he caught the snap. In what I suppose was a moment of self-preservation, he decided that when the football finally came down that he would not catch it and punt it. He just punted the ball as it came down since it was a nice arc. The referees threw a flag on him and then after a conference picked the flag up since they couldn't find any rule that said you could not straight punt a snap. It would actually be kind of hard to do if you were trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McBoog Posted January 14, 2005 Author Share Posted January 14, 2005 These are all GREAT ! Gimme more! DMD - Don't you love it when the zebras HAVE to pick up the flag? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.D.Morrison Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Good one DMD..... How about Wildcats ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.D.Morrison Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Actually now that I think about it.... There were alot of funny moments in that one with the Dawson's Creek guy and the billy-bob lineman..... he was a riot....drinking syrup right from the bottle !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BS Miscreant Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 This one recently made the rounds here in Tampa. Did you here Martin Grammatica tried to commit suicide? He tried to hang himself but when he attempted to kick the chair out from under him he missed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devilwoman Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Favorite football movie comedy "The Replacements" and favorite NFL scene was Ryan Leaf in the locker room throwing a tantrum. Laughed my off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 The Waterboy was the funniest movie Ive seen in a long time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJoTheWebToedBoy Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 The Longest Yard. Laughed my A$$ off. The Replacements was great also. Best Quote: John McKay, TB coach being interviewed after getting blown out, again. Reporter: Coach, what do you think about your Defense's execution ? Coach : I'm all for it. Now Thats Funny.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 (edited) One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown. Then came the second half... First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss. The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other. "Who made that tackle?" asked the ant. "I did," said the centipede. Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss. Back in the huddle the flea asked, "Who made that great stop?" "I did," said the centipede. Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss. Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, "Where were you in the first half?" The centipede replied, "Puttin' on my shoes!" Edited January 15, 2005 by Puddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 My personal favorite has always been the Leroy Hoard quote: " You need three yards, I'll get you three yards. You need 10 yards, I'll get you three yards." I always crack up thinking about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Rose Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 "The Best of Times" with Robin Williams and Kurt Russell has some good scenes. Reno Hightower and 'the white shoes' and the 7 TDs he threw his senior year in a game(actually was 3 I believe but the legend grows year by year) When Williams and Russell are trying to get thier wives back and watch MNF on the sly at the same time. Finally when Reno says to Jack..."Give me your best move." Then Williams beats Dr Death with his famous..."Jack Aquarious!"spin move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark5 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Funny stuff!!! no football stuff because I played baseball These are more embarrasing than funny BUT ANYWAY, We had a vertcally challenged guy on our softball team who got thrown out at first from a good hit to left field :eek: and it wasn't even close!!! I was the pitcher and got hit SQUARE in the cup with a linedrive that the rightfielder heard dented the dang thing in.. after the inning ALL the infielders go to their bat bags and suit up properly.. I NEVER was so happy to be wearing that thing.. Alls that came of that was bruises down to my knees..LOL.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilthorp Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 One of the funniest things that come to mind was back in the day, when the Bears were a power and of course, this was courtesy of the players we had being motivated by Da Coach. During his weekly radio gig, he had a consistent caller who would really give him the business and one day he just snapped, challenging him. Something to the effect of "why don't you come down to my office, it's at 209 N. "Warshington" and I'll kick your ass". Still played on the local radio to this day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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