i_am_the_swammi Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My 9-year-old has turned into a baseball nut these past few years. Thi is the first year he has signed up for fall baseball, and is loving every second of it. So last week, we are out having a catch up at his school's baseball diamond, and he wants me to hit him some deep pop-ups so he can set himself, make the catch, and fire the ball back to me. On one play, though, he moves his glove too quickly, and the ball cracks him right on the cheek bone. He crumples to the ground screaming, and I run over to pick him, up, make sure he's OK, and. most importantly in my mind, get him back to fielding so he isn't afraid of the ball. Seems to have worked...after a few minutes shaking it off, he's back out there like nothing happened. Except that after 15-30 minutes, his cheek/eye begins to swell...so we call it a day. So we get home, I put some ice on it, and it naturally begins to turn a lovely shade of purple. A solid shiner. My wife gets home an hour later, and of course he runs over to her, proud of his new black eye. She inquires what happened, and we both fill her in. Then, in an innocent but very interesting way, he looks at her and says "And Daddy didn't even say he was sorry". Well, my wife freaks on me, flipping out that I didn't apologize to him. And my response infuriated her even further: that it didn't even dawn on me to apologize. My point was that , when you are playing a sport, if your teammate or opponent gets hurt by their own doing, I don't want to teach my kids that they need to run over and say they are sorry. Did I feel bad the little guy got hurt? Yep. Did I run over and console him, make sure he was OK, give him a hug, and encourage him to get back out there? Yep. But it never, ever dawned on me to say I was sorry. She, of course, thinks I'm out of my freakin' mind. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 No apology needed. And if anyone should apologize, it's the person that missed the fly ball. It's not like you were throwing BP and drilled him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Some women dont understand the way men think sometimes. She knows you well enough to know you always have the kids best interest at heart. You consoled him and you dusted him off and put him back on his horse. That did more for him than saying sorry would have. That being said the kid is the one to initially mention that you didnt say you were sorry so maybe you should explain it a little bit more to him. Explain why you didnt say it since he noticed it. Your wife will get over it and he will understand why you didnt say it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 No apology needed. Your wife is nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 (edited) Dude....a wise man once said: "There's no crying in baseball!" I think this firmly falls into that category. As a matter of fact, I think you should have a chat with your son as to why an apology would be inappropriate in this case. EDIT: It would be one thing if one person got hurt because of the excessive careless exuberance of someone else, but that is clearly not the case here. Edited September 21, 2009 by Caveman_Nick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 No apology needed. And if anyone should apologize, it's the person that missed the fly ball. It's not like you were throwing BP and drilled him. +1. There is absolutely no apology needed. The bottom line is, as cruel as this sounds, your son made the mistake that caused the pain. Tell her to go iron your shirt... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Some women dont understand the way men think sometimes. She knows you well enough to know you always have the kids best interest at heart. You consoled him and you dusted him off and put him back on his horse. That did more for him than saying sorry would have. That being said the kid is the one to initially mention that you didnt say you were sorry so maybe you should explain it a little bit more to him. Explain why you didnt say it since he noticed it. Your wife will get over it and he will understand why you didnt say it. Thats exactly what I did the minute this became a hugh issue between me and my wife. I wanted to make sure that he knew I felt badly that he got hurt, but that it wasn't anyone's fault....and that should the same situation arise, and he's out playing with other kids in the neighborhood, that he should respond almost the same way I did: to make sure the other kid is OK. But, as everyone seems to agree, there is no apology needed. I thought for a moment that I was a cold, callous bastard....and I gave this some serious thought as the weekend progressed and my wife continued to bring it up. She ran it by her mother, who of course now also thinks I am in the wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My 9-year-old has turned into a baseball nut these past few years. Thi is the first year he has signed up for fall baseball, and is loving every second of it. So last week, we are out having a catch up at his school's baseball diamond, and he wants me to hit him some deep pop-ups so he can set himself, make the catch, and fire the ball back to me. On one play, though, he moves his glove too quickly, and the ball cracks him right on the cheek bone. He crumples to the ground screaming, and I run over to pick him, up, make sure he's OK, and. most importantly in my mind, get him back to fielding so he isn't afraid of the ball. Seems to have worked...after a few minutes shaking it off, he's back out there like nothing happened. Except that after 15-30 minutes, his cheek/eye begins to swell...so we call it a day. So we get home, I put some ice on it, and it naturally begins to turn a lovely shade of purple. A solid shiner. My wife gets home an hour later, and of course he runs over to her, proud of his new black eye. She inquires what happened, and we both fill her in. Then, in an innocent but very interesting way, he looks at her and says "And Daddy didn't even say he was sorry". Well, my wife freaks on me, flipping out that I didn't apologize to him. And my response infuriated her even further: that it didn't even dawn on me to apologize. My point was that , when you are playing a sport, if your teammate or opponent gets hurt by their own doing, I don't want to teach my kids that they need to run over and say they are sorry. Did I feel bad the little guy got hurt? Yep. Did I run over and console him, make sure he was OK, give him a hug, and encourage him to get back out there? Yep. But it never, ever dawned on me to say I was sorry. She, of course, thinks I'm out of my freakin' mind. Thoughts? Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Pretty much applies here I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Not to derail, but they actually make soft compression baseballs that are great for practice. Probably wouldn't apply to this case because he wanted to work on throws. But for general fly balls and grounders, they are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 A couple months back Jr. and I were working out in the yard. His attempted leg sweep turned into something resembling the Boston Crab. He got mad and kicked at my genitalia. I shined him and he landed on his back. He got up and said "Daddy, I don't like you". I said, "good, that means I'm doing something right, sissy." Mom was upset so I asked her if she wanted some. She apparently did not. If you want you son to be an infantile girl dog treat him that way, if you want him to be a man treat him as such. Tell your wife to go make ME a sammich and mail it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbpfan1231 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 A couple months back Jr. and I were working out in the yard. His attempted leg sweep turned into something resembling the Boston Crab. He got mad and kicked at my genitalia. I shined him and he landed on his back. He got up and said "Daddy, I don't like you". I said, "good, that means I'm doing something right, sissy." Mom was upset so I asked her if she wanted some. She apparently did not. If you want you son to be an infantile girl dog treat him that way, if you want him to be a man treat him as such. Tell your wife to go make ME a sammich and mail it. While she is at it have her cut it in half and mail me the other half. No pickles please but a little mayo and yellow mustard works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Obviously no apology is needed, we know this instinctively. That's just not how things operate on the playing field, whether we're talking sports or life in general. But you have to consider that women process everything emotionally and further that this is her precious child who got hurt. Make sure you let her know you understand her point of view, then explain why it would never have occurred to you or most men to apologize in this situation, and why you think it sends the wrong message to do so. In my experience most women get most frustrated when they think you don't understand what they are trying to say or if you are dismissive and think they are being ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missoula Griz Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I would be more worried about the fact your son sold you out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I hope fattie doesn't sit on you and crush your soul tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I think your boy is trying to work the sympathy sex angle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 I would be more worried about the fact your son sold you out Thats the whole other side to this...that as a 9-year old, he of course has always been taught that if you hurt someone, you say you are sorry. I am sure for those first couple hours after it happened, the poor guy had to have been thinking "I wonder why Dad didn't even say he was sorry. Did he mean to hurt me?". We had a long talk, and he seems to understand my thinking, but I am sure he is getting mixed signals, since his mother is sending the exact opposite mindset to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I dunno. I'd have probably told my son that I was sorry he got hurt, but that's just part of sports. You don't have to have done anything wrong to warrant saying that you're sorry something unfortunate happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I dunno. I'd have probably told my son that I was sorry he got hurt, but that's just part of sports. You don't have to have done anything wrong to warrant saying that you're sorry something unfortunate happened. Being sorry something happened to someone and apologizing to them are 2 different things in my book. One is expressing regret for someone else's circumstances while the other is accepting a level of responsibility for those circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I dunno. I'd have probably told my son that I was sorry he got hurt, but that's just part of sports. You don't have to have done anything wrong to warrant saying that you're sorry something unfortunate happened. "I'm sorry you missed the ball and got hammered?". Something like that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Did you hurt him on purpose? No. Did you do anything out of the ordinary that might have caused him to miss it? No. You acted the same way during that play as you did during the plays where he caught the ball, right? Unless you took out a mirror and reflected the sunlight into his eyes, I can't imagine that there is anything for which you should be sorry. Therefore absolutely 100% no need for an apology. Not only is your wife wrong, but she should apologize to you for freaking out on you when she has no grounds whatsoever for doing so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I think you meant to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 "I'm sorry you missed the ball and got hammered?". Something like that? Yes. That's exactly what I meant. You understand me completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I dunno. I'd have probably told my son that I was sorry he got hurt, but that's just part of sports. You don't have to have done anything wrong to warrant saying that you're sorry something unfortunate happened. +1 But then again, I care about my child's well being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Being sorry something happened to someone and apologizing to them are 2 different things in my book. One is expressing regret for someone else's circumstances while the other is accepting a level of responsibility for those circumstances. I understand the distinction, but don't wish to argue semantics. What would be wrong with saying, "I'm sorry you got beaned, son. But that's just part of sports. You'll get the next one, tiger!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I understand the distinction, but don't wish to argue semantics. What would be wrong with saying, "I'm sorry you got beaned, son. But that's just part of sports. You'll get the next one, tiger!" Nothing is wrong with that at all. In this case semantics appear to be important, though. Swammi's wife seemed to think he was in the wrong for not apologizing for his hurting their son. If she were just mad because he didn't express sorrow that their son had received an injury then I don't think this thread would even be here. I think we are talking about the difference between "I'm sorry you got beaned" (what would have been fine...not necessary really IMO, but fine) and "I'm sorry I beaned you" (which is why the wife went ballistic). I'm just saying that, while there would be nothing wrong with saying he was sorry the kid got beaned, there's no underlying principal of necessary regret here IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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