whomper Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 So yesterday we are at my in laws celebrating my Father in laws birthday. There are 2 boys on the block that like playing with my daughters. When their mom heard my girls were there she dropped off her sons. We were on the deck and the kids were in the yard in full sight of us and in an ear shot of us. So the youngest boy came over and his balls were twisted right off the bat. He was talking fresh to the other kids and generally being pretty difficult. We yelled down for them all to cool down and knock off the fresh talk and get along or we were sending them home. My oldest doesnt sweat it when kids squabble. My little one will fight you to the death. So we heard him make a few threats like he was gonna hit the other kids and we heard my little one go back at him so I went down there and gave the stern warning that the boys were going home if we hear anymore nonsense. It was wierd because these kids always love hanging out and usually have a great time. they squabble but in general they really like each other. Long story short I get back on the deck and I am watching them and my daughter just unloads a front kick right to this kids chest. I ran down there and immediately reprimanded her and she ran crying into the house. We called the boys mom and they went home. My wife went in the house to calm my daughter down. We usually let kids work out little skirmishes if they are verbal because it allows them to learn how to handle themselves and not have a parent step in all the time but when hitting happens all bets are off. My kids have been on the other end of the hitting at times and I didnt like it so i certainly am not going to tolerate it when they do it. So my wife comes out after a few minutes in the house with both daughters . I was still a little heated. My wife said to me that she understood why I got mad and agrees with me not tolerating hitting but she said the full story is that before she kicked him he pulled her hair and pushed her when they were behind this big tree. I gotta admit. I stayed firm on my not wanting my kid to hit other kids but with the additional info I can sort of see where she was coming from. How would you have handled this one ? I like to teach my kids to defend themselves but just hate to see it get physical between kids. I told my daughter that in the future she should tell us if a kid hits her so we can handle the situation . I told her I still wasnt pleased that she hit him but deep down I was sort of happy she defended herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. I'm kind of from this school of thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeductiveNun Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. That's pretty much what my dad taught me when I was a kid. I'll likely follow something very similar with mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Best to try to avoid confrontation, but sometimes a good ass whooping is justified. I wish the law agreed, there are so many people I know who really need to be in the hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) more power to that girl i say ... if you are happy about it deep down, it's right. eta: btw, if ever there was a poll where we should have 2 votes, this is it. Edited June 9, 2010 by tonorator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 more power to that girl i say ... if you are happy about it deep down, it's right. eta: btw, if ever there was a poll where we should have 2 votes, this is it. Well, he has been doing P90X. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMD Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. Ditto Don't start it, but stand up for yourself. As long as my kid was only reacting, I would not be mad at him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. I completely agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. +1 Hard to believe things haven't changed in 50-60 years in how kids are raised Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 My dad was old school. If I ever started a fight I was in big trouble. If I walked away from a fight and didn't stand up for myself...I was in bigger trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delicious_bass Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 more power to that girl i say ... Unless, of course, she lured him behind the tree and then gave him the Chuck Norris when he tried to make a move... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I think all 3 poll options are valid answers.... the boy got what was coming to him, but, as has been noted, that doesn't make your daughter hitting him right, and yes, Puddy ia a great piece of ass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 So yesterday we are at my in laws celebrating my Father in laws birthday. There are 2 boys on the block that like playing with my daughters. When their mom heard my girls were there she dropped off her sons. We were on the deck and the kids were in the yard in full sight of us and in an ear shot of us. So the youngest boy came over and his balls were twisted right off the bat. He was talking fresh to the other kids and generally being pretty difficult. We yelled down for them all to cool down and knock off the fresh talk and get along or we were sending them home. My oldest doesnt sweat it when kids squabble. My little one will fight you to the death. So we heard him make a few threats like he was gonna hit the other kids and we heard my little one go back at him so I went down there and gave the stern warning that the boys were going home if we hear anymore nonsense. It was wierd because these kids always love hanging out and usually have a great time. they squabble but in general they really like each other. Long story short I get back on the deck and I am watching them and my daughter just unloads a front kick right to this kids chest. I ran down there and immediately reprimanded her and she ran crying into the house. We called the boys mom and they went home. My wife went in the house to calm my daughter down. We usually let kids work out little skirmishes if they are verbal because it allows them to learn how to handle themselves and not have a parent step in all the time but when hitting happens all bets are off. My kids have been on the other end of the hitting at times and I didnt like it so i certainly am not going to tolerate it when they do it. So my wife comes out after a few minutes in the house with both daughters . I was still a little heated. My wife said to me that she understood why I got mad and agrees with me not tolerating hitting but she said the full story is that before she kicked him he pulled her hair and pushed her when they were behind this big tree. I gotta admit. I stayed firm on my not wanting my kid to hit other kids but with the additional info I can sort of see where she was coming from. How would you have handled this one ? I like to teach my kids to defend themselves but just hate to see it get physical between kids. I told my daughter that in the future she should tell us if a kid hits her so we can handle the situation . I told her I still wasnt pleased that she hit him but deep down I was sort of happy she defended herself. On the one hand, your little girl did right. On the other, I'd probably still explain to her that I (the Daddy) am the one to handle it, and if she brings it to me then I will. And she should never, ever suffer a boy to hit/push/pull hair/bite/kick her whatsoever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) well, ok, since someone has to do it, I'll go ahead and take the other view here. sorta. it sounds to me like both kids were at fault in the escalation. I would want to know more about who said what to whom leading up to the hitting. I am guessing there were insults and threats going both ways. and I would really want to stress that, as a parent, you find it very disappointing that she contributed to the situation getting to that point. they should fight back if they are being bullied and there is no other real option, but this seems like a slightly different situation to me. I mean, maybe it's possible she didn't really do anything wrong, but it sounds sort of unlikely. when you take a certain attitude, hitting becomes somewhat predictable, even if she didn't "throw the first punch." I'm not so sure you want to send mixed messages about semi-condoning her behavior. edit to add: I think I misread your last sentence. at first, I thought you TOLD her that deep down you're glad she defended herself. that would be sending mixed messages. but on re-reading, it sounds like that is just what you were thinking inside? in that case, I think you handled it about right, but if/when you talk to her again, I wouldn't dwell so much on the actual hitting as on what led up to it. Edited June 9, 2010 by Azazello1313 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I can't wait to see whompette on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted June 9, 2010 Author Share Posted June 9, 2010 well, ok, since someone has to do it, I'll go ahead and take the other view here. sorta. it sounds to me like both kids were at fault in the escalation. I would want to know more about who said what to whom leading up to the hitting. I am guessing there were insults and threats going both ways. and I would really want to stress that, as a parent, you find it very disappointing that she contributed to the situation getting to that point. they should fight back if they are being bullied and there is no other real option, but this seems like a slightly different situation to me. I mean, maybe it's possible she didn't really do anything wrong, but it sounds sort of unlikely. when you take a certain attitude, hitting becomes somewhat predictable, even if she didn't "throw the first punch." I'm not so sure you want to send mixed messages about semi-condoning her behavior. edit to add: I think I misread your last sentence. at first, I thought you TOLD her that deep down you're glad she defended herself. that would be sending mixed messages. but on re-reading, it sounds like that is just what you were thinking inside? in that case, I think you handled it about right, but if/when you talk to her again, I wouldn't dwell so much on the actual hitting as on what led up to it. This is fair. I know you misread my last line but even so you are saying if she led to the escalation she may have brought on the inevitable. I will say this . From what we heard he was being aggressive with everyone when he got there. My little one is a toughie. She will butt heads with other kids sometimes and Ill be the first to admit it but I really have never heard her threaten anyone will violence , except her sister The kids were having some fun out there as well but it was a sort of strained day. We had to go back and address them being fresh a few times. My kid included. What my wife and I agree on is if we see our kids having a situation we like to let them play it out on their own unless it gets either physical or if very hurtful things get said from either side. My house is play date central. I always have a house full. Almost always it goes off without a hitch but there have been occasions where the kids argued over a toy or whose turn it was on the swing etc and we keep an ear on it but try and let them work it out. 90 percent of the time they get past it and continue to have fun. The other 10 % we put the fire out and that includes setting our kids straight when they are at fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Puddy ia a great piece of ass Uh, the poll said he had a great ass, not that he is a great piece of ass. Something you want to tell us about you and Puddy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 bless her heart, I'm sure she was upset-- those mean ol boys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. I wholeheartedly concur. I think you handled about as well as you could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 Who wasn't rooting for opie when he popped that bully? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I used to tell my kids they would be in a world of hurt if I ever found they started trouble but they had my permission and complete backing to stand up for themselves fully if they couldn't avoid it. It worked very well. yup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I've made it clear to my boys that they need to do whatever is reasonable to avoid a fight, including walking away. I have also taught them that if they can't avoid a fight, hit first and don't stop until someone pulls you off or the other kid says he gives up. My 10-yr-old has only been in one fight. He came in crying one day because another boy in the neighborhood had hit him and kicked him. When asked what happened, he said that he was trying to leave (to avoid a fight) and the boy pushed him down and kicked him. I told him the next time that situation came up, that he should tell the boy he does not want to fight and that he plans to leave. I told him if the kid prevented this in any way, punch him in the face and not to stop until the criteria above was met (I'm of the belief that a fight should be won completely so that it doesn't have to happen again). The next time, my son punched the kid in the nose, giving him a bloody nose. My son didn't keep punching him but I guess that one punch had the desired effect. They, of course, became friends again but have also had many arguments--all verbal. The other boy has never hit him since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 (edited) +1 Hard to believe things haven't changed in 50-60 years in how kids are raised ? You're kidding right? Things are, generally speaking, VERY different today. You can debate better or worse (I'd say both in various ways), but very different. I think all 3 poll options are valid answers.... the boy got what was coming to him, but, as has been noted, that doesn't make your daughter hitting him rightYeah, actually it does. The little snot was clearly begging for it and seeing how much he could get away with. He found out. She defended herself. Don't swing if you're going to whine about the counter-punch. I would have apologized for assuming she was in the wrong and said "nice kick." BUT quickly followed up with how that should be a last resort etc etc as y'all are saying. Edited June 11, 2010 by BeeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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