Clubfoothead Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 (edited) I guess if I can't handle posting this here, then that says a lot about the choices I have to make. As some of you know, I am being laid off at the end of the year. In addition, my health insurance was to rise from $951.00 a month to $1,400.00 a month on September 1, 2007. That made our monthly income less than our monthly expenses, even with cutting everything abck to a minimum. There wasn't too much to cut since we kind of did that two years ago when the insurance went up from $550.00 a monthn to $951.00 a month. To top that off, I found out the week before that the invitro or the humping like a rabbit worked and our second kid was due on March 17, 2008. My wife's grandmother died of ovarian cancer, her mother so far has survived uterine cancer but my wife has severe endometrosis so they want to hollow out her female parts soon to avoid cancer so this is our last shot at anymore kids. We found health insurance that we could afford that covered everyone but the pregnancy would be considered a pre-existing condition. We worked out a deal to pay my wife's doctor $450.00 a month until the baby was born and the hospital is letting us pre-pay for their services at about $280.00 a month. And everything was rolling. Career wise, I am overpaid so even a lateral move would result in a significant cut in pay so we listed the house. It's taxed at $224,000.00, I paid $186,000.00 and so far the best offer in this horrible time to sell has been $140,000.00. We woe $157,000.00 We have been floored by this and are trying to work with our lender but since we aren't facing foreclosure and aren't nehind on the payments, they have pretty much told us to talk to them once I start having trouble making the payments after the layoff. We are looking at refinancing for a lower monthly payment but that's not looking like a very viable option given the pay-cut I will take if I stay in my field. I'm studying for my CDL because there is a ton of work driving and I can borrow a friend's truck to learn how. I'd be gone from my family a lot and have to stop smoking Josh Gordon but both are sacrifices I'm willling to make for them without ant remorse or regret. In addition, my beloved mother's heart is giving out on her. The pacemaker isn't working so on Tuesday they put her in the hospital, stopped her heart and restarted it in hopes that that might square things away. We have been aware for some time that my mother will die too soon. Thursday morning my grandmother woke up in extreme pain and was taken to the hospital. She's so old and brittle and they think she may have a fracture in her hip or some disc problems. They gave her some Lortab and sent her home until Tuesday when her DO gets back so my mom is taking care of her. That's probably not good on my mom's heart so we want to go up and take care of my grandmother. That's double edged because my mother refuses to behace like someone with a bad heart when she's around her granddaughter. My mom always wanted a girl and had 3 boys and I think she'd rather die enjouying the girl she's waited for her whole life thank take casre of herself. Yesterday was the last day the pregnancy was insured so we went in for the 1st trimester sonogram at 3:45 pm. They found a cyst on the baby's neck that could mean it has Down's Syndrome (greater chance everthing is OK than it has Down's Syndrome but I guess I'm interpreting that as around 40%). On Wednesday they want to do a procedure to check everything out that will cost $2,400.00. I gather the prcedure is to confirm wether or not the baby has Downs so we can make the decision to have an abortion or not. That raises all sorts of questions that only I can answer. Would we actually abort the baby just becasue it has Downs? Would not having an abortion Am I man enough to raise a kid with Downs? If I am, is there any reason to have the procedure? I can come up with the money but that will be the nail in the coffin of my financial doom which might be inevitable anyways? Do we just take our chances without the procedure and if we do are we only doing that because it's all we can afford to do? What kind of burden would being the big sister of a kid with Downs be on my 4 year old daughter? Is that a fair burden to place on her? Who will take care of this baby when my wife and I die or are we going to have a baby we know we will outlive? And so far the only question I've managed to successfully ask my wife's doctor is does the cyst hurt the little baby and thankfully, I got an "I don't think so". I'm not even sure if the decision to have the baby would be simply a matter of being selfish or not. I don't mean to ruin anyone's vacation and I know everyone will have words of encouragement for me so I don't really know what I'm expecting from you all but I present it to the masses for any thoughts or insight. If I can't handle the discussion here, I don't think I'd be able to be much of a father to this kid anyways. Please, nobody hound Chargerz, he has already helped me with everything he can and now it is a matter of what does CFH do with the information. My wife and I have decided to take 24 hours to gather our thoughts before we even discuss the matter. She finally fell asleep around 3:30 this morning so I'm going to go take my daughter to the park while it's below 100 and check back when we return. Finally, for those of you wondering about my alcoholism, amazingly, none of the last months' events have stirred any desire whatsoever to start drinking again so don't worry about that. I may start drinking again but it won't be today. And no, I am not an AA guy. I go to the rare meeting when I think I need to but I don't believe in the 12 steps. But let's leave that out of any discussion, please, I just wanted to let those of you who have helped me with that (and there are several huddlers who have) know that I am OK in that department. Edited September 1, 2007 by Clubfoothead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grits and Shins Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 John, Man it sounds like life is coming at you fast and hard. I started to say that I could feel your pain as I'm in a bit of financial distress myself ... but it barely compares to the full gamit of challenges life is throwing at you right now. I wholeheartedly hope that your child will be born normal and healthy. Having said that there is obviously a chance that he won't be and this makes already trying times even more difficult. Aborting a child is a decision you have to forever live with. Having a child with Down's Syndrome is a life long committment, both financially and emotionally ... but isn't a normal healthy child a life long emotional and financial committment. While children with Down's are different they love their parents (probably more unconditionally than a normal child) and are loved by their parents. My thoughts are with you and your family. As I live in close proximity if there is some way you believe I can help you please do not hesitate to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 (edited) Hey man, you know I'm a phone call away. My Dad's best friend (essentially my uncle) has a son with Down's (he's my age). He is truly an exceptional human being despite his condition. Give me a call if you wanna talk about it. Edited September 1, 2007 by darin3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I just don't know what to say. Sometimes I get pissed about work or other stuff but it all pales into insignificance or even transparency alongside this. You have my best wishes, for whatever that's worth, and you can be sure if I can do anything at all for you, I'll do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 There is nothing I can say that would or wouldn't help you as I am not in your shoes and cannot fathom what you and your wife must face here. All i can say is trust in faith. It doesn't have to be God, Jesus or any other major dogma just trust in faith. What ever you do just know it will be the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 dam dude, that is brutal, my heart truly goes out. you pay out 1400 a month and they don't even cover this schitt?? i guess your dilemma really comes down to how you two would live with aborting what is more than likely a healthy baby. if that's not a big deal to you, then i guess that is probably the way to go. if it were me though, i would at least want to perform the test and know with a much greater degree of certainty. if you lose the house and have to move....well, there are far worse things in the world. but i guess i can see the appeal of just removing that whole situation from the equation entirely. like i said, it just comes down to how much that decision wrenches your gut, i suppose. i havent had to face a situation anywhere close, havent walked in those shoes, but i do believe that things are just things. your family, your peace of mind, are worth infinitely more. good folks find ways to get through on (not to make this religious) faith, hope and love. i wish i had better answers to give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Club - I really don't have too much advice. But given everything that you are facing at once, separate the things that you can actually impact the outcome and those that you have no control over into two different lists. As tragic as your grandmother and mothers condition are, the most you can do in those situations is offer your love and support. Focus on the list that you have to make decisions on. Outline your alternatives to each decision and discuss the pros and cons with those that you love and trust. Unfortunately that list is long and the decisions are all very difficult. I admire your willingness to share your situation with us. If I can be a support outlet for you in any way, please let me know. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Is trucking going to pay enough to cover your bills next year? Have you done that math? It sounds like you're already working toward a solution on that. I wouldn't stress about the house at all. If you've got negative equity then is forclosure better or worse than selling it at a loss? Other than the obvious ramifications to your credit. I'm sketchy on these details, but if selling it is a 14K loss, I'm not sure I see why you wouldn't just let the bank have it or work out a deal. All the family health issues are crazy. My grandmother has the same heart issues as your mom. They've defibbed her so many times trying to get the heart back on track, and she refuses to slow down. At the age of 82, she was volunteering to help the elderly. She's 93 now and still going strong. I can't help you with a decision about the baby on the way. I know people who have gone both ways with the decision. If there's anything we can do, let us know. I'm sure I'm not the only huddler reading this thread right now who wishes they could give you a job, put your family on their health insurance, and give you a great deal on a rental house. If I could think of something helpful to do, I'd be doing it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 John, I don't know what to say or recommend. The faith thing Cliaz mentioned is important. It's gonna take a lot of soul searching between you and your wife to resolve all these issues, but I'm sure you'll make the correct ones. I wouldn't worry about your 4 yo. Kids are amazing and very non-judgmental in situations such as this. A friend of mine (one of seven kids) had a brother w/ downs. All of the kids loved, cherished, and catered to him until he died at ~35 yo. It was almost a glue that held them all together. You had to see this to believe it. When my daughter met him (she was 5) her reation that I thought would have been shear terror was the exact opposite. Again you had to be there to see it. My only recommendation would be to stay close to your wife's thoughts and solutions, but most of all stay close. You and your family will be in my prayers and best thoughts. Hang in there Bro! You have several 1000 huddlers pulling for you and are willing to listen, help if possible, anytime. Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moss6 Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 What little I know about you Club is that you have persevered over many obstacles. You have people that care about you and the ability to share your story will be some comfort and reminder that this too shall pass. One day at a time brother. My thoughts are with you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 (edited) P.S. That whole "I'm not worth what I'm paid" thing is a cliche among people in the midst of layoffs. I saw it all the time at my company as we downsized, and it's psychological nonsense. Don't buy it. Make sure before you change careers that you go out and verify that you can't get a job doing something similar to what you have experience in. Bone up on interview skills and go for a job that's better than the one you had. If you can speak intelligently about your experience and have someone that can vouch for you, that can go a long way. It's very easy to get swept up in thinking you're not that valuable, but I bet you are. Edited September 1, 2007 by AtomicCEO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoopazz Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 (edited) Hang in there Club. You have lots of good people here pulling for you and the fam. I don't know the whole story, but where in TX do you live and what is your line of work? Edited September 1, 2007 by whoopazz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Yikes. Don't have too much advice except that a disabled baby can be given love by their family and if you won't have the this, then it appears that mommy and big sis may be able to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Thoughts and prayers are with you. Like RR said, stay close to your wife. Two can bear a load better than one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted September 1, 2007 Author Share Posted September 1, 2007 Thanks everyone. Seriously. My whole life everything has always worked out and it will again. Maybe a kick in the ass was what I was looking for. I'm going to do a little research to make sure I know what I'm about to embark on and talk to my wife this evening about everything. I feel a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grits and Shins Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Thanks everyone. Seriously. My whole life everything has always worked out and it will again. Maybe a kick in the ass was what I was looking for. I'm going to do a little research to make sure I know what I'm about to embark on and talk to my wife this evening about everything. I feel a lot better. I can personally apply a kick to your ass ... if you think it would help ... I am trained in the art of kicking ass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isleseeya Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Club , I will be praying hard for you and your family ...if you are a man of faith , do the same and turn to Him For the rest best advice came from RR and you and your wife together , can work through this ...hang in there Good that you are not thinking about going back to drinking ..you already overcam that hurdle so no need to bring it back which can just be another problem you would have to deal with ..you don't need that Wish you luck with the baby as well ....the child like any child is a gift God Bless and hang in there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Man you are in a spot. I have a very close friend that has a down brother. He is the personal care provider for that brother today as the mother and father are both gone. I have been with the down brother many times and while I get along great with him I am not sure that I personally would be able to do what my friend does. I mean this man is 48 years old with the brain of about a 4 year old on a good day and less on a bad day. He must be bathed and taken care of just he way you would a 4 year old for the rest of his life. When he is sick you have to wipe the ass of a 48 year old man just like you would that 4 year old. I don't mean to paint gloom and doom and I might come back and read this and feel like sheet for posting it but it truely is reality for my friend. I know not every down baby is stuck at that level but to me you have to sit with your wife and a doctor and figure out if you can be the parent that this kid would need. If the answer is yes you guys can then I don't think I would have the test. If the answer is no, and I would not think anything lesser of you or your wife for that answer, then I guess you need to have that test and make sure. Whatever you decide I wish the two of you the best and I hope you can hang in there and roll with the punch's. Life is funny but things often workout when we really can't see the light at the end. Good luck there brother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Dam John! When it rains, it f'n pours! Sorry to hear that you are having to deal with all this sh@t at once. As far as a Downs Syndrome baby, our next door neighbors have 3 young kids. A girl 7, a girl 4 and a boy thats 2. The middle girl has Downs Syndrome and she is the most loving human being that I have ever known. Whenever she sees me, she immediately runs full speed and launches herself into me and yells, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" I, of course, deny any carnal knowledge with her mother! I swear to God they are the most loving and loveable kids. All the kids in the neighborhood dont even seem to notice that Natalie has Downs. My own kids who play with them constantly have never even mentioned it. Knowing what I know now, if my wife was pregnant with a Downs baby, we would definitely have the child. But that would be a very difficult and extremely personal decision. I would absolutely have the test so I could make a fully informed decision. With everything else, I dont have anything to add that hasnt been said. I would have no problem walking away from a house that I didnt have alot of equity in. Yes, it would jack your credit up for a while. But you can worry about rehabilitating your credit later. Just take your time and dont make any rash decisions. You will get through this. And its going to be all good again. And you have an old redneck from Tennessee that you can call if you need to talk. And a bunch of other lame-o's and losers here at the huddle that are here for you too. Keep us posted brother... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffraff Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Thoughts and prayers are with you. Like RR said, stay close to your wife. Two can bear a load better than one... I'll agree with this. What ever you decide.. do it together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Wow Club. Not much else I can add that hasn't already been said. Just know I'll send some positive prayers and thoughts your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keggerz Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I am speechless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 John, Man it sounds like life is coming at you fast and hard. I started to say that I could feel your pain as I'm in a bit of financial distress myself ... but it barely compares to the full gamit of challenges life is throwing at you right now. I wholeheartedly hope that your child will be born normal and healthy. Having said that there is obviously a chance that he won't be and this makes already trying times even more difficult. Aborting a child is a decision you have to forever live with. Having a child with Down's Syndrome is a life long committment, both financially and emotionally ... but isn't a normal healthy child a life long emotional and financial committment. While children with Down's are different they love their parents (probably more unconditionally than a normal child) and are loved by their parents. My thoughts are with you and your family. As I live in close proximity if there is some way you believe I can help you please do not hesitate to ask. best post I've ever seen from Blitz +100 ('cept the close proximity thingy) Best out to you and yours, Club. Let me know if there's anything I can do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMD Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Sorry to hear everything is coming at you at the same time - any one of them would be more than enough to deal with. I'll echo the afore said best wishes and you will be in our thoughts and prayers. Let us know how things go, brother.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDFFFreak Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 (edited) I'll echo what has been said before in this thread. Hang in there and always know that you have a place here at the Huddle for support and to vent. Please come here before doing anything you may regret later. Edited September 1, 2007 by TDFFFreak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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