cdrudge Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Does anyone here have kids with school aged autistic children, or more specifically kids that have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome? How do you handle disciplining them? Last winter my 8 year old son was diagnosed with some psychological issues. It wasn't 100% confirmed, but he was essentially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (similar to high functioning autism) mixed in with some ADD. As part of that diagnosis, they ran several "IQ" test and he scored extremely high on them. He is extremely book smart, but falls flat on his face when it comes to behavior or social smarts. Things were going ok with medication and just working with him and trying to understand each other and his condition, but lately things have worsen. In recent months, he has received several referrals for behavior on the bus, like moving around while the bus was in motion, being disruptive, and not keeping his hands to himself. Today my wife called and said that he had been suspended from the bus for a week as he hit a girl in the groin. Thankfully it doesn't sound like it hard enough to injure her, lawsuits, criminal charges, etc... but none the less it's still very serious. As his parents my wife and I don't know what to do. There is limited medical options that we've found in the area specifically for Aspergers Syndrome. There is one group consoling session that may be starting yet this fall, but it took 6 months for the therapist to even call us back so we aren't holding out much hope there. Even if it does meet, it's only once a week for an hour or two so I'm not sure how much it would do in the short term. Our doctor's haven't been a whole lot more helpful unfortunately. Typical punishments like grounding, sending him to his room, losing privileges don't work. Spanking isn't the answer. We just don't know what to do...nor who to even turn to to try to figure it out. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I believe Cliaz does, but his child is only 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 cdrudge, PM me. My son is 9 and is autistic. I would be hapy to fill you in on what m,y family has done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caddyman Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Does anyone here have kids with school aged autistic children, or more specifically kids that have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome? How do you handle disciplining them? Last winter my 8 year old son was diagnosed with some psychological issues. It wasn't 100% confirmed, but he was essentially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (similar to high functioning autism) mixed in with some ADD. As part of that diagnosis, they ran several "IQ" test and he scored extremely high on them. He is extremely book smart, but falls flat on his face when it comes to behavior or social smarts. Things were going ok with medication and just working with him and trying to understand each other and his condition, but lately things have worsen. In recent months, he has received several referrals for behavior on the bus, like moving around while the bus was in motion, being disruptive, and not keeping his hands to himself. Today my wife called and said that he had been suspended from the bus for a week as he hit a girl in the groin. Thankfully it doesn't sound like it hard enough to injure her, lawsuits, criminal charges, etc... but none the less it's still very serious. As his parents my wife and I don't know what to do. There is limited medical options that we've found in the area specifically for Aspergers Syndrome. There is one group consoling session that may be starting yet this fall, but it took 6 months for the therapist to even call us back so we aren't holding out much hope there. Even if it does meet, it's only once a week for an hour or two so I'm not sure how much it would do in the short term. Our doctor's haven't been a whole lot more helpful unfortunately. Typical punishments like grounding, sending him to his room, losing privileges don't work. Spanking isn't the answer. We just don't know what to do...nor who to even turn to to try to figure it out. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Asbergers is a particularly difficult syndrome especially when it comes to discipline. Our neighbor has been dealing with this and traditional punishment will not work. You just have to limit the opportunity for him to be violent with other children. Our neighbor had a teachers aide with his son 100% of the time in school. He rode a bus with only one or two other kids and spent most of his time with his parents. One thing that has been helpful was to enrol him in sports that use his aggression. he has been in karate and playing football now for a few years. Be very careful when he is near other children. We actually had to save my son from being hit in the head with a baseball bat by the neighbor. If we were not close by, he was teeing up to whack him. Very sad. Good luck. I would try to find an expert in your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 what Caddyman above said is great advice, a similar approach my sister is using for one of her kids w/ Aspbergers....they are very, very patient with him when he acts up, mostly removing him from the room or source of unrest and redirecting him to other things to help him decompress when he's agitated. They are very protective of him in public and tend to shadow him for the most part, and yes he takes karate as well as a good outlet. They just keep reinforcing what they want him to do or not do, sometimes like a broken record, he eventually gets the point. Seems like a good idea to do just this with any child regardless, never any spanking also. But, you have to have even more patience with a child like yours. God bless you with your endeavor, I'm sure you are a great parent already! Sometimes when I'm really angry for something my boy does, I put myself in timeout, so I can take a breather and don't overreact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I don't have any experience or advice about how to discipline a child with this condition, but I would add that it would probably be a good idea for you to find out the name and phone number of the girl that he hit, and call her parents to explain the situation so that they know that you aren't just looking the other way... that you are sincerely struggling to find an answer that will help keep your son and his peers safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I don't have any experience or advice about how to discipline a child with this condition, but I would add that it would probably be a good idea for you to find out the name and phone number of the girl that he hit, and call her parents to explain the situation so that they know that you aren't just looking the other way... that you are sincerely struggling to find an answer that will help keep your son and his peers safe. Good idea. And paging Bier, Czar and unta... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isleseeya Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Good luck, sounds difficult, stay strong. My sentiments exactly God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 PM me. I have twins with special needs and we've been to dozens meetings with child physiologists that deal in special needs and behavior issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I can't offer very much help here. Asperber's is a specialty unto itself and one in which I have essentially no specialized training. My wife, an occupational therapist, has worked with autistic children and children with Asperger's. I'll ask her tonight what resources she could recommend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 pertaining to protecting the rest of your family, i would look into an umbrella policy. they are cheap and protect you in case he does hurt someone in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 I don't have any experience or advice about how to discipline a child with this condition, but I would add that it would probably be a good idea for you to find out the name and phone number of the girl that he hit, and call her parents to explain the situation so that they know that you aren't just looking the other way... that you are sincerely struggling to find an answer that will help keep your son and his peers safe.I sat down with my son last night and talked to him about what happened. I haven't gotten to hear all sides yet about what did happen so I don't want to pursue contacting the other parents quite yet. His side of the the story was it was on the way to school and he was sitting on the seat talking with his brother. He was waving his hand back and forth demonstrating something like "we go this way and that way", swishing his arm back and forth. It happened that when he took his arm "that way" she happened to be standing there and was hit. He claims that it was not intentional and that it wasn't directed at her. This was also backed up in a different conversation with his year younger brother, just asking him what he saw. We didn't tell his brother what we had already been told, nor did he hear what his brother said...but the stories were very similar and it sounds just like it was really an accident. I'm waiting for the principal to give me a call as I'd like to hear what the "official" story is. I think that his suspension of bus privileges was more a "mandatory minimum sentence" rather then a punishment specific towards the "crime". He had been written up previously for being disruptive and not following the drivers directions, but nothing particularly violent. I was told by my wife that the mother of the girl hit called the principal screaming and yelling and etc. The principal said that he talked with her, but I don't know what state she was left in. When I do speak with him I'd like to find out more about that aspect and contacting the other parents may or may not be on the agenda at that point. Part of me wants to, but part of me is also embarrassed to do so. While I don't think that it would come to it, I am also fearful that the other parents aren't understanding, threaten lawsuits, or whatever. I have enough issues of my own that I don't want to risk opening up that can of worms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 Asbergers is a particularly difficult syndrome especially when it comes to discipline. Our neighbor has been dealing with this and traditional punishment will not work. You just have to limit the opportunity for him to be violent with other children. Our neighbor had a teachers aide with his son 100% of the time in school. He rode a bus with only one or two other kids and spent most of his time with his parents. One thing that has been helpful was to enrol him in sports that use his aggression. he has been in karate and playing football now for a few years. Be very careful when he is near other children. We actually had to save my son from being hit in the head with a baseball bat by the neighbor. If we were not close by, he was teeing up to whack him. Very sad. Good luck. I would try to find an expert in your area. Up until this time, he hasn't really shown any specific violent tendencies. Well, at least out of the ordinary for a boy growing up. The only times that I can recall him hitting someone was his brothers, and his brothers have done it back. Nothing that we've ever been real worried about but we will start keeping a closer eye on things. He doesn't have many friends, but that seems to be more from the lack of social skills and abilities rather then not getting along physically. Besides his brother, his main friends consist of a close neighbor that has moderate ADD, and further away neighbor that has mild autism, plus each boy's their siblings. Looking at it now, it seems like it works because everyone is so understanding of each families issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 Find out if the bus was moving. If it was, he probably didn't expect anyone to be in the aisle. Also, don't most buses have video cameras these days?I heard two different stories yesterday, one that she had just gotten up as if the bus was unloading, and another that she was sitting down like she had just gotten on. Either way, he did make contact and it sounded like the girl had a reason to be there. I don't have an issue with the punishment handed down. I just want to figure out if this was just an accident, or if it was something much more significant. I'll check with the principal as to the availability of a video. I know from field trips and such that most (all?) the buses have a box for placing a camera, but I don't know if they all actively carry one and use it. It may only be for discouragement or if there have been issues in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I'll ask my wife, she is a special education teacher and has dealt with most mental and psychological issues you can think of. If she knows anything about it, I'll have her read this thread and PM you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Part of me wants to, but part of me is also embarrassed to do so. You have a child with a disability, you have nothing to be embarrassed of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 You have a child with a disability, you have nothing to be embarrassed of. +1 My fantasy team is an embarrassment not this. I wish you the best man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 You have a child with a disability, you have nothing to be embarrassed of.Embarrassed probably wasn't the correct word. Call it...the emotion that you feel when your child did something wrong, there is nothing that I reasonably could have done to prevent it, but I still feel bad that it happened and wished that I didn't have to have the conversation in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Embarrassed probably wasn't the correct word. Call it...the emotion that you feel when your child did something wrong, there is nothing that I reasonably could have done to prevent it, but I still feel bad that it happened and wished that I didn't have to have the conversation in the first place. I think any reasonable semi-intelligent parent would understand. The fact that the parents called the principal screaming might mean they don't fit that group, if they knew the circumstance. If they didn't, they need to know and show some understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrudge Posted November 5, 2009 Author Share Posted November 5, 2009 She shouldn't be on the bus anyway, she should be learning her skills at her mom's apron in the kitchen. Get me a sammich! If I do talk to her mother, I'll be sure to bring that up. It can't hurt, could it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I'll ask my wife, she is a special education teacher and has dealt with most mental and psychological issues you can think of. If she knows anything about it, I'll have her read this thread and PM you. I was going to to the same. My wife works with EBD kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 I can maybe have an understanding of the girls parents reaction. They don't know you or your child maybe, and the girl didn't realize it was an accident? I'd go ballistic if that was my understanding of the situation. Then again, you probably don't want to call them until you have more info, because if they ARE into lawsuits, apologizing might just open that up. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, though. Maybe your son just shouldn't be on the bus? He's got an issue and kids without developmental problems act like complete animals when you throw 30 of them in a cage with essentially no supervision. I wish you the best, drudge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egret Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 PM Sent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 One thing that I can tell you about Aspergers Syndrome is that it is very different from child to child. There are so many levels that there are no stock, over the internet answers. One thing I know that was preached to my sister who is the mother of an aspergers child is that there has to be very clearly defined rules and always the same punishment. I have told one or two heart wrenching stories about my nephew but one thing is very certain and that is that it takes special people to teach, raise, and even be friends with kids that suffer from aspergers Syndrome. I will try to see if my sister has anything to point you to online and I will pm that info to you. One thing for sure cdrudge, you guys are no where near alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 I don't have any advice but just know I'm sending positive vibes your way. The fact that you are not afraid to ask for help tells me what kind of parent you are. You'll be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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