TimC Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I went out of town last week and asked my neighbor to take care of things. The usual...water the garden, feed the fish and keep an eye on things...especially this nosy guy across the street that works at the local community college. I give the kid down the road $20.00 to cut my grass the day before we get home so I won't have to deal with that. The kid is trying to save money for college and cuts the grass very nice. We leave to go on vacation and are thankful to get out of that hellhole of a neighborhood. The people that live there are so petty about everything. Except my cool neighbor. Well, lo and behold, the one cool guy that lives in the neighborhood forgot that he was also going out of town and called me and said he gave the jobs to the nerdy weirdo (I'll call "The Professor" that lives across the street that claims to teach at the local community college. The guy is not very responsible and actually claims to teach his community college schoolkids that running loads of debt is a great thing. The Professor actually failed a kid last semester that said he didn't want to owe people for the rest of his life. Teacher was overheard saying "Screw you and your Reaganomics. Say Laffer Curve one more time and I'll give you five across your lip." He didn't even get any punishment since he has tenure. The license plate on his minivan says "TENURDOUCH". So, I'm nervous all week and can't have a good vacation since I know this guy is doing God-knows-what to my property. I finally get home and all appears okay...until I look deeper. The fish is missing. All my tomatoes are gone from the garden. He has cut my grass straight up and down instead of diagonal like everyone knows we like it. I call the kid that was supposed to cut the grass. He started to cut it and The Professor ran out of the house and said to let him do it so he could hold it over my head for the rest of his life. Then he smacked the kid and told him "I hope you aren't saving yer money to come to my college." Really twisted guy. So, my wife is cutting the grass and he is out there just staring at her, drooling, scribbling in some notepad. She doesn't want to have anything to do with him but she's friendly. She hollers over to him "Thank you" in hopes he'll go away. He smugly screams very loudly "You're welcome, no problem" but we all know it is a problem. She can't stand him either so she says "I was kind of hoping that you died while we were gone" then mumbled under her breath, "or at least moved out, you sicko weirdo". I don't know what do about this guy....here's some pics to help show you what I mean: My goldfish and thefreshly cut lawn. The Professor Kid that was supposed to cut my grass. Picture of my wife Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 "TENURDOUCH". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Justin Bieber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 The license plate on his minivan says "TENURDOUCH". Michigan only allows 7 characters on the license plate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) it was all good, but this part was the funniest She can't stand him either so she says "I was kind of hoping that you died while we were gone" Edited July 20, 2010 by wiegie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Michigan only allows 7 characters on the license plate. And 2 states allow 8, the maximum of any states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trojanmojo Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Your wife is hot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 (edited) I'd find one of his published articles online and send him an email critiquing it, thus letting him know what a dumbass he is somewhat anonymously. Edited July 20, 2010 by SEC=UGA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 heheheee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 And didn't you want the long-haired hippie to cut his hair rather that cut the grass? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I do have one question then. Does this guy have to get up on a box to see over the fence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I do have one question then. Does this guy have to get up on a box to see over the fence? no, the professor installed a few of these on his side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 no, the professor installed a few of these on his side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I'd find one of his published articles online and send him an email critiquing it, thus letting him know what a dumbass he is somewhat anonymously. Man, I like this idea. As a matter of fact, post his college info here and we will all just go look at it harmlessly. And not send him stuff. Or something.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I do have one question then. Does this guy have to get up on a box to see over the fence? he's a professor... he probably built himself a periscope to see over the fence into his neighbor's yard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Man, I like this idea. As a matter of fact, post his college info here and we will all just go look at it harmlessly. And not send him stuff. Or something.... how about we don't do that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Have your wife seduce him. I don't think he could handle it and it may kill him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Here's a pic of Cleeton, the lawn nazi. All of the story is right here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Sheer f'n genius, Tim. Brilliantly done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Fecking awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarryTheRock Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 The fish is missing. I don't know why but that sentence alone cracked me up. I pictured the Spanish teacher on "Community" as the Professor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KICK A$$ BLASTER Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Well done sir!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 He has cut my grass straight up and down instead of diagonal like everyone knows we like it. This part is stuck in my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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