Wolv Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Nothing like making conversation with a girl you had your eye on in college and ridiculing a profession you had no idea she was majoring in :doah: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutch Oven Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 This is my one and only moment, but it was a good one. A bunch of people I went to high school with met up a bar because, unfortunately, people were back for a buddy's funeral. Well, it was also a footbal game weekend (Ark. v. Texas) which is a big deal here so there were tons of parties. My wife and I get to the bar and I'm already pretty lit. This girl who was a cheerleader in high school, very pretty and very skinny, comes up to me and gives me a hug. She has a hugh belly and looks like she is wearing a maternity top, at least to me. So I ask if she is pregnant. She replies, "Do I look pregnant?" I then say somehting to the effect of, "Well my wife was pregnant not too long ago and I'm familiar with the body type." Well, she was not pregnant and although everyone had been talking about it, I was the only drunken fool to say anything. She followed us to every party we went that night and just glared at me. Good times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Anyone who hasn't put their foot in their mouth is a panty waste too afraid of saying what the feel. That being said, I've never put my whole leg in my mouth like whoper did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolv Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Oh oh! My favorite! I was in Vegas for a trade show with a bunch of people including an openly gay co-worker. As we were leaving the show... I was talking about some guy I met at the show who was a jerk to everybody and I referred to him as a "major c*cksucker".  Then I realized I was next to the gay guy, and that he actually does suck c*ck... so, I immediately followed it up with "No offense, Mike".  Then I realized that saying "no offense" was 10x worse than the original comment! Oh well. What can you do?  1315890[/snapback]     Both feet at once! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeeman Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 a mom was showing me her new infant dressed in pink. i comented HE had nice hair. :doah:  1314891[/snapback]     This is the second instance of blindness in the same thread. I'm impressed with your typing tho... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeeman Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Not quite in the same league, but fresh out of college I was a new sales rep for a paper cup company. My territory here in L.A. included both Coke and Pepsi bottlers as accounts. Â Have you ever used the term "coke" as the generic term for all soda, similar to saying "Kleenex" for facial tissue? Yep, I did it in front of all the Pepsi reps in a presentation! They threw their cups, pencils, paper, whatever they could at me. They were laughing, but my boss wasn't.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sores Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Oh oh! My favorite! I was in Vegas for a trade show with a bunch of people including an openly gay co-worker. As we were leaving the show... I was talking about some guy I met at the show who was a jerk to everybody and I referred to him as a "major c*cksucker".  Then I realized I was next to the gay guy, and that he actually does suck c*ck... so, I immediately followed it up with "No offense, Mike".  Then I realized that saying "no offense" was 10x worse than the original comment! Oh well. What can you do?  1315890[/snapback]      VERY funny!! Nice job Atomic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 (edited) I have two: Â One, we were in hard negotiations with a Internet service provider over hosting for our fortune 500 company. We had been going back and forth for about two weeks, when I called the account rep and requested a speakerphone conference with myself, my lawyer and he and his CFO. He puts us on hold and calls the guy in his office. Funny thing is, we weren't on hold. The CFO comes in and says, "Who is on the line?" To which the account rep says, "It's those A$$holes from --------." The lawyer and I looked at each other, and said, "Hi!" to dead silence on the other end... My butt has never been so well kissed as in the ensuing week. Â ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Â I was in a meeting last week and was talking about how Info security wanted us to manually check the status of people before entering them into the system. Meaning to say Info security insists in doing the job by hand, I inexplicably said, "Info Security insists on it being a hand job." Â Much hilarity ensued. Edited February 9, 2006 by cre8tiff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeeman Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 One, we were in hard negotiations with a Internet service provider over hosting for our fortune 500 company. We had been going back and forth for about two weeks, when I called the account rep and requested a speakerphone conference with myself, my lawyer and he and his CFO. He puts us on hold and calls the guy in his office. Funny thing is, we weren't on hold. The CFO comes in and says, "Who is on the line?" To which the account rep says, "It's those A$$holes from --------." The lawyer and I looked at each other, and said, "Hi!" to dead silence on the other end... My butt has never been so well kissed as in the ensuing week.  1316051[/snapback]     Classic! So how much $ did that save your company? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Classic! So how much $ did that save your company? 1316066[/snapback]     We had $5 million to spend and it came in just under $3 million... so $2 million?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deacon Bill Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 When my wife turned 46 I said, "hey honey, did you know that you're now closer to 60 than you are 30?" Â I'm still paying for that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Dick. Â 1315266[/snapback] Â Â Â technically, he is an ***hole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 (edited) technically, he is an ***hole 1316434[/snapback]      E tu Wiegie Edited February 9, 2006 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 This is my one and only moment, but it was a good one. A bunch of people I went to high school with met up a bar because, unfortunately, people were back for a buddy's funeral. Well, it was also a footbal game weekend (Ark. v. Texas) which is a big deal here so there were tons of parties. My wife and I get to the bar and I'm already pretty lit. This girl who was a cheerleader in high school, very pretty and very skinny, comes up to me and gives me a hug. She has a hugh belly and looks like she is wearing a maternity top, at least to me. So I ask if she is pregnant. She replies, "Do I look pregnant?" I then say somehting to the effect of, "Well my wife was pregnant not too long ago and I'm familiar with the body type." Well, she was not pregnant and although everyone had been talking about it, I was the only drunken fool to say anything. She followed us to every party we went that night and just glared at me. Good times. 1315903[/snapback]    This is one of the reasons why you're not supposed to ask a woman if she's pregnant until you actually see the baby coming out!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006  E tu Wiegie 1316442[/snapback]    well, according to a certain typology, you are either an ***hole, a dick, or a pr|ck and using the appropriate definitions of each of these types, your actions put you firmly in the ***hole camp. (untateve can explain this better as it is his hypothesis) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeeman Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 This is one of the reasons why you're not supposed to ask a woman if she's pregnant until you actually see the baby coming out!! 1316458[/snapback]  Hey Chargerz - have you ever said anything you regretted while in your, uh, official capacity? Or at the very least, have any of your patients confided something to you that you wished they hadn't? C'mon, throw us a bone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I got one for you... Â I was having lunch with two clients of mine a few months ago at a spendy restaurant and when the bill came I said, "Wow, they really jewed us on this bill"....needless to say, the jewish guy wasn't happy... Â so I said "Hey, I'm not a stinking Nazi or anything"... Â the other guy was German.... Â Â ...so I said, "Guys, quit acting like a couple of Negro's"... Â Â the waiter overheard me, he's black... Â Â so then I said to the waiter, "I didn't say monkey"... Â Â Â I didn't see the monkeys in the corner washing the dishes... Â Â Â Â needless to say, I was very embarrassed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddogs2020 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I used to work as a legal advisor to the Chairman of a government agency. The agency consisted of three Commissioners (one was appointed Chair -- my boss). One day I walked into the men's room at work and was immediately hit with the stench of someone doing a #2 (compete with plop plop sounds) from one of the stalls. Â While I was at a urinal, I jokingly stated the following loud enough for the person in the stall to hear, "Gee whiz! Somebody's having problems up in here!" and I laughed boisterously. Â As I was washing my hands, the stall opens and it was one of the other Commissioners (thankfully not my boss). The Commissioner said nothing to me, washed his hands, and left. Â For the rest of my tenure at that job (3 years), that Commissioner rarely talked to me again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sores Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I used to work as a legal advisor to the Chairman of a government agency. The agency consisted of three Commissioners (one was appointed Chair -- my boss). One day I walked into the men's room at work and was immediately hit with the stench of someone doing a #2 (compete with plop plop sounds) from one of the stalls. While I was at a urinal, I jokingly stated the following loud enough for the person in the stall to hear, "Gee whiz! Somebody's having problems up in here!" and I laughed boisterously.  As I was washing my hands, the stall opens and it was one of the other Commissioners (thankfully not my boss). The Commissioner said nothing to me, washed his hands, and left.  For the rest of my tenure at that job (3 years), that Commissioner rarely talked to me again.  1316708[/snapback]      Foot in mouth is usually saying something unintentionally. That was just dumb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 (edited) I once got a little tipsy at a family Christmas party and accidentally referred to my father-in-law's new girl friend by his deceased wife's first name. The deceased wife had been dead for like 15 years (alcoholism) and this new woman was the first person my father-in-law had dated since his wife had passed. To make matters worse, I made the gaffe when were all seated in a circle opening presents. That one hung in the air like mushroom cloud. Edited February 10, 2006 by yo mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 i was down at the lumberyard and a young kid rolls up in a truck with a guys name on it like john doe construction and i knew that carpenter so when i got a chance i said "hey is john still porkin that lisa chick, she's a real lady dog" the kid just hung his head and softly said ya......yep it was his mom, never forget that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 well, according to a certain typology, you are either an ***hole, a dick, or a pr|ck and using the appropriate definitions of each of these types, your actions put you firmly in the ***hole camp. (untateve can explain this better as it is his hypothesis) 1316486[/snapback]      weigie's right. you're an **shole. nothing personal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dirty Barber Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Told my girlfriend's sister-in-law that her 2 year old daughter was beautiful. The daughter was a son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Told my girlfriend's sister-in-law that her 2 year old daughter was beautiful. The daughter was a son. 1317518[/snapback]    Did you give him a haircut? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Working on a system (sell price was close to a million in a fairly small company) and it was supposed to ship a week before in the last company I worked for. Had been working on it all weekend and figured I could finish it on Monday. Monday night rolls around and the president walks around and asks me how it's going. We exchange small talk and I started telling him a joke about nun on a bus with a guy who winds up having anal sex with her (punchline is the nun is really a guy going to a costume party). I'm about 3/4 though it and I sense something is awry. I stopped and asked him if he was Catholic... "yup". :doah: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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