I'm not sure what I'm looking for

[Duchess Jack]

Club,

 

Hang in there, buddy.

 

I've never met you - but my years in this asylum have lead me to believe that you are a pretty dang good guy. You have proven to be thoughtful, empethetic and intelligent. You are a good listener and give good advise. You are honest and genuine. Because of this - I am sure that whatever decisions you need to make in the coming weeks or months will be thourogly considered and based upon what iyou feel is best.

 

Once you make that decision, don't look back. Don't second guess. We do the best we can with the cards we are dealt. Move forward with the confidence that you are a good man and that whatever decsions you make will be made with the best of intentions.

[moneymakers]

I know you don’t want to hear this but it is priority #1. No person can handle this and you have to give it to God.

You get down on your knees and you tell God that you need him and you cannot do this by yourself.

Ask him for help and to show you the way.

Have the child. Do not do the test. It will lead to more test. More $$$. They will do sonograms later in her pregnancy and will be able to tell you a lot more. Put it in Gods hands. If they tell you the life of the baby or mother is at risk than by all means do whatever necessary.

People with Down Syndrome have come a long ways. I f you are going to do research make sure any information you read or hear is not older than 10 years old. Do not go to library for info. Materials are old school. (Books will tell you to tell everyone that your child died and the state would institute.

Best info is from the National Down syndrome Guild. http://www.ndsccenter.org/ Or your local city guild. http://www.downsyndromedallas.org/ Childrens hospitals are another resource. You will find that the statistics for Down syndrome are inaccurate. The things they are doing with these kids now compared to 10 years ago are amazing. Most kids with downs can read at 2 to 3 years old now. They can do computers/type whatever.. I know one boy that tried out for and made his middle school basketball team. You will find statistics that claim the average life span is about 35 to 40. Very inaccurate. 50% of kids with downs have heart surgery in first year. 20 years ago that 50% died. Now it is about as routine as having tubes put in your ears. So what I am trying to tell you is to get the real info you got to go check out the kids and parents for your self. Also if you check your local adoption agency you will find a waiting list to adopt these kids. So whatever you decide abortion is not an option.

You will find the world has come along ways in being politically correct with disabilities. It’s a boy with downs. Not a downs boy. They are people first. You would not say a broken armed kid. You say the kid with a broken arm.

Give it all to God.

As far as your smoking /drinking habits the first 6 months are tough. You make it through that and look in the mirror and you will defiantly like the person you see. Your desires for those things are gone and you will wonder how you did them. You will also find that you have a lot more money to go around. Habits are expensive. If you are looking for something to take off the edge. Try this:Theanine. All natural and its cheap.

Theanine has been shown to reduce mental and physical stress. God has special plans for you and you just don’t know it.

 

 

This is a very popular story.

 

 

 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

 

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome To Holland".

 

"Holland?!?" you say, "What do you mean "Holland"??? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy"

 

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

 

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

 

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

 

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".

 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

 

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

[alchico]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. As a recovering alcoholic myself, 17 years sober, i can tell you that going back to the booze won't help. I was faced with a very tough situation when my dad, who was visiting me in ca died at a casino in Reno. The first thing they said to me after they told me he had died was "Do you want a drink?" I thought about it long and hard for the first time since i had quit, but i turned it down. While i'm sure it would have eased the pain at the time, I know i was able to deal with everything afterwards much better being sober. I also felt really good about my choice afterwards. You have some tough decisions to make but i'm sure you'll find a way to make the right ones. Like several have said earlier, Don't sell yourself short. Good things do happen in this world and probably even more so to people who make an effort to help themselves. If there is anything i can do, don't hesitate to pm me.

[Hugh B Tool]

Club, first off you know all of us are sending good vibes your way. Secondly and most important to get through all or most of this is your collective attitude and will to get past the difficulties along with cherishing the bright spots (though they may seem dim and small in comparison right now) you do have. My Dad(God rest his soul) always told me when times got tough that essentially "the beauty of life is that we wake up to another day and have a new chance to make it better or worse than the day before. It is also one of the harsh cruelties of life." He said how we go about that day will ultimately define our lives in good or bad times. The utopian life would naturally be all good days and no bad ones. As we all know that just doesn't happen. If you go about it swinging your best shot until it either gets better or all crumbles around you, you will have zero regrets. You are a smart man with a beautiful family, that in and of itself is a major blessing. And that my friend is just the crust of what is good in your life. Cherish the good parts and fight to make the bad parts at least better. Hug your daughter every chance you get. Spend as much time with your parents as you can and in the very near future. Slivers of light make very dark moments much more bearable.

 

The last ten years of my life have been an interesting and very painful journey itself. I at times feel totally alone when thinking of the losses of both my Dad and Mom along with my brother(and idol) getting into a motorcycle accident three months after early retirement and basically becoming a vegetable. This along with changes in jobs, surviving the telecommunication meltdown both by getting laid off from AT&T and getting hosed as a small biz owner when WorldCom went bankrupt and left more than stockholders holding the bag so to speak. Loss of my marriage and house just added to the parlay of bad luck. Do I have the lifestyle and money I once did? Not yet. Though I am am rich now in ways I wasn't when making hugh coin. Do I cherish life, especially my daughter, my dog and my friends more than I ever did? You better believe it. Am I happy when I can't afford something I used to be able to scoff at? Not always for sure, but my plan of attack at least more days than not is to find something to make me smile about my existence rather than frown. Do I question my self worth at times? Alot, but that makes me fight even harder and love what I do have even more. I figure if I keep at it like this more often than not, that the worm will turn yet again and life will be easier again. If it doesn't at least my daughter will learn about never quitting. Because deep down if she said at my eulogy "that my Dad was the best Dad a girl could ever hope for" I would be satisfied and happy in death.

 

NEVER GIVE UP, my brother. Make your challenges now into a plus later. No matter how small. Good luck and keep the chin up and eyes open. Tell everyone close to you love them and do it with conviction. Wash, rinse and repeat frequently.

[Hugh 0ne]

It hurts when bad things happen to good people. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your situation John. I won't offer any advice, since I think this is a personal decision that you and your wife have make. Only those walking in your shoes can make this decision, as you will be the ones that have to live with whatever you chose for the rest of your lives. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I will pray for you John. The only thing I can offer, is that my wife is special education teacher that deals with all types of disabilities. If you want a professional opinion, she'd be more than happy to talk to you. If you just need a friend, who's just a jackass with nothing more to offer than his ear, you can call me anytime as well.

 

All the best John, I truly feel for you, you are one of the good ones. I guess things happen for a reason, and maybe you've been chosen because you have the strength to make it through this.

 

[rocknrobn26]

A lot of good stuff here, John! Hugh, Hugh B, and Al nailed many facets well. As did several others.

I didn't offer before (oversight), but I am offering now.....Please PM me your # and I'll call you! Any help/support I can give I will, if nothing else an ear.

Keep the faith, Bro! We are all here for you! Hug the wife and daughter. Keep them close and talk it all out. You WILL make the right decision! I am confident of that. It took balls to post this, so your solutions will be correct.

Peace, my friend. Better days are closer than you realize!

Tom Robin

[ChuckB]

Club, I really don't know what to say with all that you have going on, but I will say to trust yourself and the decisions you make with your wife. Based on the boards alone and what I've heard/read about you , you seem like a good guy with your head on straight that has dealt with adversity before, you WILL make it through these tough times again, just be confident in yourself and your decisions. I will pray for you and your family.

 

 

Good luck bro.

[spain]

And if all this wasnt enough, your boys in Maise and Blue got beat at home by Appalachain State.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, John, but you know I cant resist!!

[BiggieFries]

 

I'm sorry to hear about all the hardships you're going through at right now. Thoughts and best wishes go out to your and your family.

[untateve]

People, on a daily basis, ask me how I'm doing and I typically reply, "I have no complaints that matter." People usually chuckle but it's true. You, on the other hand, have so many complaints that really do matter.

 

I can't give you advice but I will say that when my wife was pregnant, we had several complications. At one point, she was supposed to undergo several tests that would give us an indication of any potential problems/birth defects/etc. I asked the nurse if anything could be done to correct any problems that these tests found and she said "no." I then asked her what the point of these tests were and she said so that we could get counseling/prep ourselves. I told her that abortion was not an option and we were strong enough to deal with any problems once the child was born. The nurse let it go and we didn't have the tests. Happily, both our boys were healthy.

 

Be strong for your wife and lean on your friends when she's not around. Women are strong as evidenced by the fact that they are the ones who actually give birth. But they can be fragile during complicated pregnancies.

 

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[General Itals]

Just want you to know that Dragons hang together. I don't know what I can offer you to help, but know if you ask and I have it, it's yours.

[SteelBunz]

Geeze Clubby....that's a lot of weight to take on all at once. Some really great posts here to help gain more perspective....terrific!

 

Spain and Skippy hit both ends of the spectrum on Downs. But on the financial end of it....the pregnancy may be pre-existing.....but your baby surely will NOT be considered pre-existing (in insurance terms).

 

At any rate....I'm betting "cost" won't really enter into that particular decision when it comes right down to it. And I'm betting that expensive test won't really sway your decision either. You could have Steve's outcome....then what meaning does that test have in the long run? Just look into your hearts and be honest with yourselves. Don't let "fear" color your answers. I think you are "fearing" for the child and your family MORE than being afraid you couldn't be a good father. You are already proving to be a good father......I highly doubt that would change with this child, no matter what.

 

And HUGH B? That brought tears and a smile to my face.....it's a great way to go through life! That's some good advice, John!

 

Communication....and one day at a time.....take it as it comes.....and give yourselves a chance to get past the panic and all the questions swimming around in your heads when a problem first crops up. Then digest it....breathe....talk it all out with each other and find the solution you can live with. "Problems" are never all bad, just as solutions are never all good. Break them down and deal with the phases as they come. One day never gives us the big picture, but each new day gives us all a chance to reform our own bigger picture. And make it better.

 

Break 'em down....and talk 'em out. Sometimes just hearing your thoughts out loud can make choosing your path suddenly crystal clear.

 

But most of all, you have to like WHO you see in the mirror each day.....not what.....who.

 

You have some hard work ahead of you, my friend, and some tough decisions.....and you'll be in my thoughts.

[H8tank]

We ended up pregnant with no prenatal care, ours was 5.5 weeks early and spent 2 weeks in the baby care thingy... they took mercy on us and forgave much of the hospital bill, somthing like 80%, and let us pay off the rest, so don't worry about that.

 

Good luck bro, but give the kid a chance... people are people, OJ wasn't innocent but he is walking a free man.

[tonorator]

praying for you and your family john.

[Egret]

Wish I had some words of wisdom to bestow upon you. Hoping and praying that you don't get more than you can handle.

[Thunder Chicken]

My Prayers and best thought to you and your family.

 

I do no have sufficient flow of speech to say how much I feel for your family.

 

You will persevere.

 

I almost feel foolish as I type this, and I am by no means a recruiter, but have you thought about the service.? In a time like this, a steady paycheck, and 100% health insurance can be a blessing. If the thought has crossed your mind, and you want to talk to someone who isn't going to benefit from your enlistment (recruiter) you can always drop me a line. i have been doing time for Uncle Sam for almost 14 years now.

 

Take Care

 

Dan Cooke

Edited September 2, 2007 by Thunder Chicken

[Caveman_Nick]

All the best to you and your family, Clubby. I will say a prayer for you.

[Azazello1313]

I almost feel foolish as I type this, and I am by no means a recruiter, but have you thought about the service.? In a time like this, a steady paycheck, and 100% health insurance can be a blessing.

 

clubby has been there, done that....back when we kicked saddam's ass the first time.

[Dbaxx]

Hang in there---it can't get any worse. You have a great support group around you...!

[theeohiostate]

Here to express my support and admiration for the strength your showing bringing this to our attention. I am not a religious man, but being a preachers son, i can attest that you can find strength in him by asking for it.

 

Best Wishes

[Czarina]

My heart goes out to you and your family as you try to figure all this out. Hang in there, you'll be in my thoughts.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Club,

 

I don't have anything to add to the wonderful post s already with great advice.

 

My thoughts are with you and I am confident you will make the right choices.

[Clubfoothead]

Well I want to thank everyone for the kind words.

 

My wife likes to say I wake up on a new planet everyday. We go to bed mad and I wake up fine. I did so again today. It's sunny, 85 and the three of us are going to the zoo here in a few.

 

The $$$ stuff is what it is. I've been continuously employed since I was 13 and while we might have to make adjustments in our spending habits, there's never been a time in my life where any job was beneath me. I can also cash out my 401(k) after I'm laid off if we need the money.

 

I called my old girlfriend from college and talked to her last night. She's easy to find as she's married to my best friend. We mutually decided to have an abortion back in 1992. That was a life-changing moment for me. I loved her and the fact she wnted an abortion said a lot about what she though of me. That despite her feelings for me, I wasn't man enough for the job of being a father. She was right. She told me that if it were 1992 today she'd have the baby. Score one for amicable break-ups because that was pretty powerful.

 

So my wife and I spoke. We are going to speak with the doctor on Tuesday to make sure there's no medical necessity to have the procedure. If not, we believe ourselves to be up to the task of having the baby. That is our decisoin and to have gone the other route would not have been wrong. It is still possible that they may find other things wrong down-the road that will result in a decsion to not have the baby, I will not allow her to suffer in pain. But we aren't going to worry about that now. We are going to proceed under the assumption our next kid will be born with Down's.

 

Today I know what I was looking for yesterday. I was looking for people I trust to tell me I could trust myself to make the decision. Nobody swayed us to have the baby or not have it. Despite being a little bit embarassed about my public freak-out, I want to personally thank everyone for the kind words. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated as time passes.

 

Thank you all for being a part of my life.

[Clubfoothead]

And if all this wasnt enough, your boys in Maise and Blue got beat at home by Appalachain State.

 

I think there's a "Z" in Maize. I'm looking at that as we are a year ahead of everyone else for the 2008 BCS Championship.

 

[Bier Meister]

i know it's now after the fact, but-

 

knowing you, you'd have the coconuts to be a great father (and the two of you great parents) to a new child with or without a pervasive condition. you know what it takes to make things work out...... (not turnign this into a political discussion) i am prochoice, but if placed in the the same scenario, do not knwo what i would do. as you mentioned if there is imminent pain or risk to mother and/or child i might consider it. chliche, but hang in there..... i think life events come in cycles and things will get better. hugh b nailed it....... it can be very easy to take the good things we have in life for granted.......

 

my absolute best to the nubs,

mike

 

ps.... if you are free this weekend.. i would love to pay for your trip to vegas.