Swampnuts Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 The story and some background...which I am emboldened to share due to others who've shared similar stories before... First, I'm happily married and have four kids. Second, I'm a bachelor right now ... wife and kids are at my inlaws and have been for two weeks. Oftentimes when this happens (and it happens a couple of times a year), I work some insane hours 6-7 days a week so that there is just that much less that I have to do when they are here...today, I left the office around 1am after pounding on spreadsheets for nearly 12hrs. Third, when I'm bach'in it, I will oftentimes go to this pizza place part way between the office and the house, have a beer or two and read a book ... whatever book I'm reading at the time ... sitting quietly by myself in a booth in front of the biggest big-screen TV in case I want to watch a bit of whatever game is on as a break from the book. The book, however, is usually the primary target. Occasionally, if I'm hungry, I'll order some food. I didn't tonight, just two beers... Fourth, even when I was single, I was NEVER a "go to bars and pick up chicks" kind of guy. When I was single, I met girls through friends, blind-dates, church, school, etc. I was NEVER any sort of a "party guy". When it comes to that sort of thing I was and am really fairly naive. I had/have absolutely NO radar for when a woman was "ready to go" (if you will) ... I'm sure there may have been times when I was in college and a girl was giving off the "hey, I want to sleep with you" vibe, but I just wasn't really ever attuned to that sort of thing (which, I believe, is a bit unusual given how many girls / women I dated in the 10-15 years before getting married). Fifth, I NEVER have been propositioned by any woman ever...at least until tonight. ...so, here's the story... I'm at this pizza place (and it has a bar and a patio). I'm on about page 500 of the most recent biography on Warren Buffett ... drinking my beer ... doing NOTHING to attract attention (I'm wearing gym shorts, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and crocs for Pete's sake) ... sitting at a table all by myself. I'm not even wearing my glasses; I can't see anything except my book and my beer. About 20 minutes after I arrive, this VERY attractive woman comes (seemingly) out of nowhere and says, "What are you reading?" I show her the spine of the book; "The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life" and say "a book about Warren Buffett"... She proceeds to wax poetic about how much she likes Buffett and how she likes everything about him except that he's a democrat and she's a republican. She then proceeds to tell me that she's really conservative about money, but liberal about everything else. She says this two or three times making a point to wave her arms around, lean over giving me a couple of good chances to notice her womanly features. By this time, she has her arm on the back of the seat behind me (not touching me, though) and continues to chat me up. ...I'm just sitting there, in the same position I was in while I was reading...arms folded, elbows on the table...being pleasant enough, trying to treat her just like any other person...answer her questions and ask a few in return...no flirting coming from me... ...after about 2 minutes of this, it's obvious to a very clueless guy like me that (i) she's buzzed (at a minimum), (ii) she's smart, (iii) she's very pretty, (iv) she wants to take me home... She's asking me all sorts of questions, which I answer. I ask her a couple of questions; absolutely nothing remotely close to anything flirty. By this time the "I love my family" mantra is rolling through my head... She leans into me, brushes her right boob on my left arm (which hasn't moved since before she sat down; arms are crossed, elbows on the table; left hand tucked under right arm...wedding ring hidden...just as I was sitting while I was reading). Again, she is VERY pretty. Obviously drunk, but still really pretty coherent. Asking some pretty good questions. She proceeds to talk about sunbathing at the pool today and that she had to appologize for exposing herself to others while she turned over; apparently she hates tan-lines. She adjusts her top. Twice. ...it's about this time that I learn that she spent some of her formative years in Europe and is used to spending quite a bit of her time in the nude... By now, her right arm is touching my shoulder. I'm alternating between looking straight ahead, looking down and making eye contact; I have not moved. ...but, I'm not telling her to leave me alone, either...I have not brought my wedding band into plain sight... Frankly, I'm pretty flattered, as I have NEVER had any woman pay this sort of attention to me at any point in the last 10-15 years (if ever). I'm also a bit mortified. ...her friend comes over (she's obviously sober)...looks at me and asks me, "Are you married?" ...I say yes, happily; I have four kids... ...the friend asks me if her friend is behaving herself... ...she tries to get her friend to get up; her friend doesn't move and stays planted on the bench seat next to me... ...I tell the concerned friend that everything is just fine; again, I've still not moved at all... ...the woman that is hitting on me is flabbergasted that I have four kids... ...the friend leaves, rolling her eyes at me and her friend...hindsight is telling me that her friend is thinking, "he's a sucker; she's going to eat him for lunch; he doesn't stand a chance ... and he says he's happily married ... YEAH RIGHT! If he were, he'd tell my overcharged friend to get lost"... ...so, the sexually aggressive friend asks me twice how old my kids are; I answer the same way twice -- "my oldest will be 10 this summer and my youngest is 3 months old"... ...she asks me how old I am... ...I say "why"?... ...she asks again, and I tell her that I'll be 38 this summer... ...she's drinking her Corona as fast as she can...I can't tell if she's really turned on or a little mortified that she's talking to "this older guy" who is "happily married with four kids"... ...she says, "Wow, I nearly came!" as she finishes off the rest of her beer... ...so, I guess that question was answered... ...I have NO idea what to say...so, I just sit there... ...she says something...don't remember what...but, in an effort to change the topic, I ask her how old she is... ...she tells me to guess... ...I tell her somewhere between 16 and 36...eventually, I narrow it down to 25-29; she says she's 28... ...while I know it's an odd mix, imagine part Marissa Tomei and part Kate Beckensale...at 28...with short hair and a great tan...and in a short sun dress... ...after a little more chit-chat, she tells me that it was nice to meet me and shakes my hand to leave... ...I shake her hand, but I do not watch her leave... ...I turn back to my book, but my brain is just racing..."wow, this is really BIZARRE!"... ...after about 2-3 minutes, I look around the bar, and do not see her anywhere... ...I turn back to the book... ...about 2-3 minutes later, she's sitting next to me again, telling me that she just got mad at some guy who thought that Warren Buffett was Jimmy Buffett... ...I proceed to wax philosophic about how "understanding" is not related to IQ points... ...which, apparently, has turned her on again...she's talking about her libertine ways...and me... ...her friend comes up again, and flat out asks her if she's grabbed me... ...the friend says 'no'...and I tell the concerned friend that her friend is fine... ...the 'interested' friend continues to chat me up about a variety of topics that spill from business to philosophy to 'heavy flirt'...still hoping that I'll say something, anything, that would be indicative of what a guy who was really turned on would say (whatever that is)... ...the two girls leave for the bathroom and are gone for 2-3 minutes... ...again, head swimming, I turn back to my book... ...they come back again...I notice that the one that's been paying attention to me has lip-gloss on... ...and she is very conflicted...again, to clueless 'ol me, it's painfully obvious that she would do anything I wanted her to do...she's both very turned on and mortified that I'm not only married, but happily married and that I have four kids and that I'm 10yrs older than her... ...she comments that my wife must be amazing... ...I assure her that it's true... ...she looks around quickly and asks if my wife is here anywhere... ...I tell her that she's not... ...she thanks me for a wonderful conversation...tells me she's going to give me a hug...I do not move my arms; I do not embrace her...she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek...she says something to me and I turn about 1/4 of the way towards her to respond...simultaneously, hindsight is telling me, she moved in for a second kiss (and hindsight is telling me that she wanted my lips), and by some miracle, I did not turn any farther, and she pulled back only just enough to not give me a second kiss...I believe she was really trying to do anything to compromise the "happily married man with four kids" label... ...again, I remained chaste... ...at this point, it's pretty obvious to this woman that I'm not going home with her... ...her friend asks what I'm doing here if I'm happily married...I tell them both the truth; my wife and kids are at my inlaws and have been for two weeks...I can tell the hot friend is beside herself thinking, "here is this guy who's wife and kids are out of town and I cannot get him to make any move at all"...she's really miffed (but still in a good mood)... ...the good looking woman leaves to go pay her bill... ...the concerned friend and I have a chat about how I'm probably in the wrong, if I really am happily married, for "coming to a bar, sitting by myself and reading"...that the message I'm sending is "please, would an aggressive woman please pick me up; I'm ready for some casual sex"... ...I genuinely thank her for her perspective, because as a married guy who is never in bars, I really have no concept for this sort of thing and, frankly, am a bit naive on some of these things anyhow...so, as far as I'm concerned, she is right, I should not have been in a pizza place / bar, drinking a beer and reading a book about Warren Buffett at 1:30 am on a Saturday night if I wasn't interested in a hookup... ...then, the good looking one comes back and, after some more chit-chatting, asks me if I have any friends like me that she could meet... ...and I tell her that "its more important to be the right person than it is to meet the right person"... ...she doesn't get it... ...so, I repeat it... ...she still doesn't get it... ...so, I lay it out as plainly as I can...and, I say, while looking her right in the eyes, "You are very pretty ... I'm sure nobody has ever told you that before ... you are very pretty, but I'm not sure that any of my friends are looking for someone like you"...the concerned friend gave me a high-five... ...more chit-chat...and during what seemed like the 10th parting handshake...she makes a last-ditch effort by commenting, "wow, you have such strong hands" (sexual innuendo implied)...then, the closest thing to a flirt during this whole time, I said, "I'm trying not to hurt you"... ...the one thanks me for my time, the other apologizes for her friend... ...both friends leave... ...I read for a few more minutes, finish my second beer, pay the tab, and leave... ...I tell the waiter on the way out the door how bizarre that was...that I'm a married man with four kids... ...he tells me that he thought I knew them and apologized for not "saving me"... ...I told him that it was fine, just bizarre... ...he tells me to hurry up and get to my car, because they're still sitting on the patio... ...I walk calmly to the car, get in and head home... **************************** I am telling all of you this so that I can get some perspective...I have NEVER been in a situation like this...I never had a girl/woman (in HS, college or after college) just come up to me and essentially ask me if I'd like to go home with her...she was 100% ready to go...NOW... 1) What, if anything, should I tell my wife about this? My first inclination was to call her at her parents on the way home and tell her the whole story. I didn't. She's flying home tomorrow afternoon / evening ... 2) What, if anything, should I have done differently. My first thought was that I should have moved my arms after she sat down (without being asked to sit, btw) so that my wedding ring was obvious...but, I really don't know (other than being really rude) what I could / should have done differently. Regardless, I consider myself to be fortunate in that I did not make a life-altering decision tonight. God was watching over me...no doubt about it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Kudos from me? Yes. From you? Sure. From his wife? Probably not. She does not want to hear this. Yeah, I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampnuts Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 (edited) This is Swampnut's "Swampette"....(or wife). From a woman's perspective.....you did the right thing...nothing happened. Leave it alone. You run the risk of telling your wife and her getting her feelings hurt or worse, her reading way to much into the "story as you tell it" and assuming you did something wrong...leading to even more trouble. They say people only tell the other person about things out of guilt and to relieve their own guilty conscience. Yeah...you were flattered, you were even probably imagining what it would be like....don't we all at one time or another when you've been married with kids like a lot of us...but, YOU DIDN'T DO IT....for heaven's sake...let it go! You love your wife....you have 4 kids together...obviously your life is full. Besides, not all hot chicks are as fabulous as they seem....28, hitting on a married guy...willing to go home after a few moments of chit chat....that spells TRAMP in my dictionary. And too.....genital herpes runs rampant amongst the "tramp" crowd...count yourself lucky you didn't come away with more than your bargained for..... Edited May 31, 2009 by Swampnuts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Besides, not all hot chicks are as fabulous as they seem....28, hitting on a married guy...willing to go home after a few moments of chit chat....that spells TRAMP in my dictionary. And too.....genital herpes runs rampant amongst the "tramp" crowd...count yourself lucky you didn't come away with more than your bargained for..... Hey now... lets not be too hard on the sluts. The world needs sluts. It really does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyBalata Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 wow.....i think the whole huddle has gotten lame over the years. 3 pages in and not one person has asked.... Muck, when did you catch the ghey? Nail her! Seriously, I picture muck telling mrs, muck the whole story and her reaction... QUOTE (muck's wife ) * Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Pat yourself on the back for being faithful. You're a good man, stay clear of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Wow, not one post saying you should have rushed off to her place giving her a false name and spent the night in sexual abandon, fleeing before the dawn. Huddlers are fine people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbimm Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 This is Swampnut's "Swampette"....(or wife). From a woman's perspective.....you did the right thing...nothing happened. Leave it alone. You run the risk of telling your wife and her getting her feelings hurt or worse, her reading way to much into the "story as you tell it" and assuming you did something wrong...leading to even more trouble. They say people only tell the other person about things out of guilt and to relieve their own guilty conscience. Yeah...you were flattered, you were even probably imagining what it would be like....don't we all at one time or another when you've been married with kids like a lot of us...but, YOU DIDN'T DO IT....for heaven's sake...let it go! You love your wife....you have 4 kids together...obviously your life is full. Besides, not all hot chicks are as fabulous as they seem....28, hitting on a married guy...willing to go home after a few moments of chit chat....that spells TRAMP in my dictionary. And too.....genital herpes runs rampant amongst the "tramp" crowd...count yourself lucky you didn't come away with more than your bargained for..... Always nice to get the perspective from your side! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Btw, I'm firmly believe there is nothing to tell your wife about. Your explanation will no doubt lead to more questions that you will never have answers to. On the other side, if there's more than a 80% chance that she bursts out laughing when you tell her that a 28 year old hottie wanted your bones at first sight of you, than you might want to roll with that one. It's all in the numbers. Edited June 1, 2009 by MikesVikes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbpfan1231 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Sounds like this chick may be a local and frequent that bar. With that said. What was the name of the bar? What booth exactly were you sitting in? What color shirt were you wearing? What color shorts? What color crocs? I am thinking I may be able to somewhat recreate this situation - when I say somehwat I am hoping the only difference is that I give this babe the best 10 seconds of her life!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 You lost me at Crocs. Interestingly, he had me at 'Crocs.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 If it was me, I'd chalk it up as an entertaining experience and forget about it. I probably wouldn't tell my wife because there is really nothing to tell, because nothing happened. I figure you did good, but telling your wife is up to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muck Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 I just told her the version of something along the lines of "you won't believe what happened" ... She laughed. I told her I wanted her to know. She said, "Just in case it got back to me that my husband was seen with another woman." More laughter. ...all's good... Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 if only you went to an uncrowded movie theater to just sit and read, when the lonely guy walks over to hit on you it would just be business as usual at the muck household. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 You were true to your wife and kids No need to tell her. I cant see any good coming out of it and you should feel no guilt for not telling her because you did right by them. I dont think at any point you really crossed into any gray areas. You answered that you were married with kids and her and her friend knew that the rest of the way. You allowed the conversation to keep going on after you knew her intentions which to me isnt a a capitol offense because you never crossed the line. Letting a hot chick chat you up never killed anybody. +1 Whomp wrote it perfectly. Take it for what it is worth...a flattering event. You were tested and you passed with flying colors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Chief Dick -fixed Mucks Wife - out of town and laughs off muck gettin hit on i smell trouble Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I just told her the version of something along the lines of "you won't believe what happened" ... She laughed. I told her I wanted her to know. She said, "Just in case it got back to me that my husband was seen with another woman." More laughter. ...all's good... Thanks! Well, there you go. Sounds like you felt mildly guilty deep down and needed to make sure you didn't do anything wrong in her eyes. Doesn't matter if we think you acted fine. Sounds like you did the right thing by the two of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 You tell her. End of story. And you tell her everything. On the off chance she stumbles onto this thread, and you omit details, you are screwed. Mrs. Muckette will be understanding, and probably grateful you would tell her the truth. Why on earth would you tell her? Seriously. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm of the opinion that a woman, in general mind you, will read more into something like this than what actually happened. You're asking for undo scrutiny for something YOU DIDN'T DO. Extremely easy one if you ask me. Feel good about yourself in knowing that "you still got it" and leave it at that. Also feel good about yourself for doing the right thing and not getting your freak on with a 28yr old hottie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Strangely enough, something very similar happened to me on Friday night. The minor difference is that I wasn't reading a book at the bar. Another minor difference is that she stopped hitting on me when I said that I was happily married. And another minor difference is that the woman was really quite ugly. However, after I told her that I was happily married, she completely turned her attention to a friend of mine (who is recently divorced and was visiting from out of town for the weekend) and she just wouldn't let up. It was so bad that as we were leaving the bar, the woman was telling me that she could bring my friend home later. She basically flat out told us that she really needed to have sex because her husband doesn't want to sleep with her anymore. And when the woman went away for a bit and we asked the waitress for our bill she said, "Are you guys looking to make a quick getaway?" And, for a final amusing point that you guys will love, her initial pick-up line when she approached our table was "Are you guys a gay couple?" (In retrospect, the correct answer to her would have been "yes".) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchico Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 only thing ya screwed up was not gettin her # for Alchicos Son Just what he needs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Feel good about yourself in knowing that "you still got it" and leave it at that. no offense to muck, but anything non-repulsive with a pulse reading a book in that booth would have most likely received the same treatment. if that's what you mean by "it", i guess he can feel good about that ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 no offense to muck, but anything non-repulsive with a pulse reading a book in that booth would have most likely received the same treatment. if that's what you mean by "it", i guess he can feel good about that ... So yer saying I have a chance!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Being at a place at 1:30am that serves alcohol increases the chances of something f*cked happening by about 10 times. I'd say you were asking for it, especially the way you slutted yourself up with that attire. I think you need to do some deep soul searching Mr. "happily married man". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 So yer saying I have a chance!!! No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I just told her the version of something along the lines of "you won't believe what happened" ... She laughed. I told her I wanted her to know. She said, "Just in case it got back to me that my husband was seen with another woman." More laughter. ...all's good... Thanks! Just as it should be. On a side note to all this: You may want to leave the Buffett book at home from now on. Appears that it may be a chick magnet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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