whomper Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I have to go to a jobsite pretty soon, but the short story is this. My wife went out for drinks with the other social workers last night because one of the girls is moving out of state and it was her last day (she had a whole 2 beers). Anyway, she came home and kissed me like, well like I have been kissed in awhile. She hugged me, starting crying and saying she was sorry, that she loved me, and that she'll do whatever it takes. We put the kid to bed and talked for a good hour or so. Everything isn't perfect but it is MUCH better than before. She actually talked about being angry about the way I acted towards the miscarriage (she wasn't blaming me, just that she held on to some stuff longer than she should have). She missed being closer to me (the dating thing) and that she couldn't picture raising our child if we weren't together. She was angry at herself, ashamed, and scared that this kind of thing could happen. She isn't thrilled to go to counseling but she definitely will. At this point I think its non-negotiable. I might just have her go talk to someone solo for a time or two before we actually have a session together. So, it was a pretty big step last night. I'd like to thank everyone for the help/opinion/2cents. I just needed to hear some opinions and I didn't really feel like talking to everyone we went to high school about losing the child and the difficulties afterword. Thanks fellas (and ladies).. you rock Great update. A step in the right direction for sure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbimm Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 This is VERY good news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Helluva nice big step. Hang in there, Square! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Cool! Great news man. Just for the record, did you throw some flour at her? I am curious about this tactic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Great news! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Trust me...it was the flour. Flour cures all ills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muck Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 That's a GREAT way to start a weekend. If you're able, carve out a fun time with the family this weekend (zoo? waterpark?), and if you can arrange for a sitter that night, then you and your wife can just go find a booth in the back of the local pizza parlor and spend a couple of hours just talking. I have been thinking about and praying for you this week. I am VERY excited for both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 That is great news Square! Very happy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nhoops Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Just adding my comments, been away for a bit. Read everything and was really feeling for you and your family Square. Then to read your update it really made me smile. So glad things are headed in the right direction. Hope you and your family have a good weekend and continue with the positive progress. Great Advice by my fellow huddlers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulzale Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Great news, keep working at it! Awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Waffle Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Square, I read every page and I'm liking the ending so far, so I would like to offer up an idea, because I'm going to do the same thing myself. Now, my marriage is just fine, but I want my wife to know that I have never had one second thought about my life with her and the kids. I'm going to go and buy some cheap little ring.....set up a baby sitter and a date night.....and I'm going to "pop the question" again......"Honey, will you marry me again" I personally believe there is a very strong reinforcing power to a act like that and it shows your deep affection and commitment to her-here's hoping for a bright future with your little lady and daughter Best Wishes-The Captain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czarina Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 My wife and I have this discussion all the time, that when she is having a rough time, that I tend to want to "fix her", or "fix the situation". She tells me alot: " I don't want you to fix it, I just need you to listen to me. " Men by nature are fixers: they want to solve every problem. You may just need to sit down with her and say: "Just talk to me. I will just listen." And then listen. Don't interject. Don't try to fix. Post of the thread, really. She's feeling at her lowest -- maybe feeling somehow responsible for the miscarriage, maybe feeling like a failure at the prime "female" function. She's probably a little scared that it could happen again. She's lost a child she'd already fallen in love with, had hopes and dreams for. We all have a "shell" that allows us to feel that the world is a relatively safe place, we'll live to a ripe old age and that bad stuff probably won't happen to us. We need that shell to function without continual anxiety. Losses like these crack that shell of denial, make it hard to feel safe and secure in our lives for a while. Add in the hormones and it's a recipe for a very tough time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NAUgrad Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Awesome news Square. It sounds like she's turning the corner. Let her put her money where her mouth is before you stop doing the counseling though. I guess just be a little careful until she really shows you she's back. Smart move on continuing the counseling. I smiled at this as well and am happy for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 sounds like a big step in the right direction, very glad to hear it. square, there's lots of casual, sort of glib discussion of your private life in this thread....I just want to step back and commend you for how you're trying to deal with this. taking the step of going to see a therapist on your own was hugh IMO (don't think it's a coincidence things started to thaw last night), and took a lot of balls. a lot of men would have handled all that much differently, to who knows what effect on the marriage. hats off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 awesome . I especially liked the part where she said she couldn't imagine not raising your child without you. Really great idea to have her do a one-on-one with a counselor to get things off her chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Great news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Square, I read every page and I'm liking the ending so far, so I would like to offer up an idea, because I'm going to do the same thing myself. Now, my marriage is just fine, but I want my wife to know that I have never had one second thought about my life with her and the kids. I'm going to go and buy some cheap little ring.....set up a baby sitter and a date night.....and I'm going to "pop the question" again......"Honey, will you marry me again" I personally believe there is a very strong reinforcing power to a act like that and it shows your deep affection and commitment to her-here's hoping for a bright future with your little lady and daughter Best Wishes-The Captain For our 18th, Ms Cid and I decided to give each other new wedding bands. We went and picked them out for each other. Something a little more ornate than the plain gold bands we had but nothing stupid expensive like the platinum bands all the jewelers were trying to foist on us. Just being able to reaffirm the fact that yeah, I still do live you goes a real long way in a realationship. I suspect that your wife will absolutely love this. Square, that is great news. Every step forward is a step in the right direction. They may not be large ones but they will still get you to where your going if you take enough of them. Press on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 ...but nothing stupid expensive like the platinum bands all the jewelers were trying to foist on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 This is VERY good news. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxfactor Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Great news indeed! Although yours is/was a specific problem, many relationships lose their luster after time. Sometimes the most simple acts of affection can mean the world in a relationship. I had this problem before the alcohol became the real problem. I did exactly as I said in my previous post and it worked wonders. Maybe even do the opposite and have her sit in your lap. Then you can talk about the next thing that pops up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 GOOD DEAL....now get some peach shower gel and get ta gettin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 great news btw- i think you guys should continue to move forward with the marital. if she wants someone to talk to for ind counseling, it should be a different therapist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDFFFreak Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Great news indeed! This is a great place to start and as long as you guys communicate, there is a very good chance that your relationship will be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 how are things going? is she back to giving hummers and fetching sammiches? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I have to go to a jobsite pretty soon, but the short story is this. My wife went out for drinks with the other social workers last night because one of the girls is moving out of state and it was her last day (she had a whole 2 beers). Anyway, she came home and kissed me like, well like I have been kissed in awhile. She hugged me, starting crying and saying she was sorry, that she loved me, and that she'll do whatever it takes. We put the kid to bed and talked for a good hour or so. Everything isn't perfect but it is MUCH better than before. She actually talked about being angry about the way I acted towards the miscarriage (she wasn't blaming me, just that she held on to some stuff longer than she should have). She missed being closer to me (the dating thing) and that she couldn't picture raising our child if we weren't together. She was angry at herself, ashamed, and scared that this kind of thing could happen. She isn't thrilled to go to counseling but she definitely will. At this point I think its non-negotiable. I might just have her go talk to someone solo for a time or two before we actually have a session together. So, it was a pretty big step last night. I'd like to thank everyone for the help/opinion/2cents. I just needed to hear some opinions and I didn't really feel like talking to everyone we went to high school about losing the child and the difficulties afterword. Thanks fellas (and ladies).. you rock Congrats Square! Fantastic news and a step in the right direction! I am very happy for you and your family . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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